2much,

Sorry to hear you are in this mess! But et me first say this...

If he objects to you exposing his affair, dont worry about it! Exposing is NOT hurting your marriage...the affair did. If he is upset because you gained intel on his secretive lifestyle, it is NOT hurting your marriage...the secrets have been.

Now, onto your sitch. I dont know your whole situation, but let me comment on what you have said here. You outlined all of the things he does and you do. As I outlined in the text in this thread, if you took out a piece of paper and wrote down how you serve your husband on one side of the paper, and then how he serves you...whose list would be longer? If your list is longer, then YOU are the husband and he is the wife!

And guess what? Deep down, neither of you are built that way, so being stuck in those roles makes both of you unhappy!

Your husband needs to be the man of the house. He needs that! You also need him to be the man of the house. So, what do you do?

First off...stop being the man! I am not saying that he doesnt do dishes or you dont go to work. I am saying that he is to serve you...and you are to submit to his headship (as long as it is in line with God's will). So, if something doesnt get done because he isnt doing what he is supposed to do...dont you walk in and do it for him!

So, please read on how to do this above. As I said there, what you want to do is to do your part as the wife, and then duck so God can take a 2x4 upsied his head! But that is going to take faith and trust in God.

Second thing I would do is to talk to him. Dont really defend yourself. It wouldnt matter anyway. But just have him open up and listen. Tell him your sorry he feels that way. Tell him you are sorry for taking on his roles. Listen to what he says during all of this, because in between the pain is the truth of what is going on inside him. And knowing what the REAL issues are will help both of you move forward.

Again, it is a rather simple process, but not at all easy. It isnt easy to let things fall by the wayside because he wouldnt take care of them and you have stopped doing them for him.

I hope this helps in some way. But dont try to over analyze the situation. It is very simple!