I really need your help. My wife is love with another man she works with and they have only met in person 2 times 1 of which were sexual. She has commited adultry and I have already forgiven her for that.
The man she was with is also married with 2 kids the same age as mine a 4 year old and a 2 year old. My wife is upset because he hasn't contacted her or talked to her after I found out about them and I told his wife what happened as well.
I love my wife so much and I still want to work things out even after what she did because I wasn't the best husband in the passed either. I was always on the computer, I was very critisizing and rude to her, it wasn't until it was to late that I realized how much I really loved her.
In 9 days she is going to let me know if she is willing to give our marriage a 6 month probation period in which we both try very hard to make things work. She has told me the usual "I love you but am not in love with you" I want her to fall in love with me again but I don't know what to do. i have turned to God and I keep praying God will change her heart.
She is the only 1 working because I am in school full time, I do not want to lose her, but she is still waiting to hear from him though she says she is not basing her decision on what he wants.
Someone out there please help me, this divorce would be devistating for our kids and I am willing to try to make things work, so far she has not tried at all. Thank you all for your replies and I hope to hear from you soon.

Others will be along shortly with more seasoned & better advice.

The idea of HER gving YOU deadlines (9 days, 6 months) is rich. She is playing for time, trying to figure out a way to bust up this other guy's marriage so that she can continue her affair. Commitment doesn't come with a deadline.

Congratulations: Your telling the other man's wife was the very best step you could've taken. Keep going in this direction: Your #1 goal at this stage has to be to make it uncomfortable & untenable for her to continue living this fantasy/lie that she's been in. Since she is still behaving as a wayward, i.e., has not committed to recovering your marriage, you should also expose the affair immediately to her parents, your parents, mutual friends, his & her supervisors in their workplace - anyone whose respect she values & who is in position to help put pressure on her to see the light. Don't give her advance warning that you plan to do this -- just do it.

Yes, this will make her very angry. Don't worry about that. Your marriage can survive her anger; anger can subside. Your marriage will not survive a continuing affair. Exposure is what you must do to end the affair.

I know, easy for me to say, tough for you to do. You probably are also feeling in a vulnerable position because you're not employed due to F/T study. But you've got to fight for your marriage & your family right now, in a way that your kids will respect 20 years from now, no matter what the outcome. Exposure is your best shot at eventually bringing her to her senses.

Sorry, I am new here. I have been reading over all the other posts all day and I don't understand what plan A and plan B is. I also forgot to mention I have been staying with my brother and I watch the kids while she is working (she works from home) so I am in the house with her even though I only see her when she comes out on her breaks. We have not had sex for around a month which was before they had sex.
They had sex on Jan 1st, I didn't find out until Jan 14th when I seen a chat log between the 2 of them, which they had conversed for 6 hours and it was very detailed and explicit about what they had done, they even pleasured themselves during the conversation. My wife is a christian woman though she has strayed from God and this man she is in love with is into Witchraft. I am so lost right now and alone. I need your alls help so bad. Please let me know if I can resolve our marriage because I do love her and I do want to try.

I have told all of her friends and her family and they are with me all the way, they say that they will respect her decision regardless, but they all think she should work things out with me. She has started a new women's bible devotional that her friends are helping her with, (her friends are very religious)She said 9 days because she needs time to think if she wants to give the 6 month trial a chance.
She wants me to finish school even in divorce and said she will help me get through it so we can still give a better life to our children.

You never leave home, go back home now!

Does this mean I should have her or myself sleep on the couch, because at this point there is no way possible we can both sleep in the same bed. She will not be up for me moving back in and it would be VERY difficult for me as well. I haven't left home and I made that clear, my stuff is still here, I have just been sleeping elsewhere.

SHE committed adultery and SHE doesn't want YOU in YOUR home?

What's wrong with this picture, Jonpen?

Well the problem is, she pays for the house. Her aunt bought the house and she makes the monthly payments. I am not working and going to school F/T, how can I approach her that I am going to move back in? I can barely stand to see her myself.

After reading my entire post does anyone think this marriage is able to be saved? she told me she wanted out and I convinced her to wait another 9 days before she fully decides. please read my entire posts and see what you think.

So?
She cant legaly kick you out of the marital home without a court order.

Sure, if thats what you want. Start reading all the stuff about affairs under the "Most popular Links" menue to the right.

Here's what you need to do:

1. Go to Radio Shack and by a digital voice recorder

2. Whenever you are around your WW, have it on at all times.

3. Archive the recordings and keep in a safe place

4. MOVE BACK IN.

5. MOVE BACK IN

6. MOVE BACK IN

7. If she threatens to call the police or file a TRO against you for moving back into your house, FILE ONE ON HER!!

8. Under no circumstances do you move out of the house. If you do, you have a very good chance of being an every other weekend dad.

It sounds like the OM was busted by his wife so that's why he broke off the affair with you WW. However, you WW is going to try and contact him within the next 9 days and hope upon hope that his wife kicks him out because of that contact. Once he's kicked out, she will move him into the house, and file for emergency support and you will then be paying for both her and her boyfriend. Sound scary? Sound far fetched? It happened to me and has happened to others on this board.

Three things to do today:

Move back in.

Move back in.

Move back in.

Read up on this site on the beginning pages about plan A.

Plan A link in my signature.
Move back in.
If she doesn't want to sleep in the same bed w/you she can sleep on the sofa or at a friend's.
Suck it up and do plan A.

Don't think of this person you can't stand to see as your wife. Think of them as a person temporarily possessed by a demon or temporarily not themselves due to mental or extreme physical illness. Do Plan A in anticipation of the time your real wife returns.

I don't even know where to begin with plan A, does anyone have a link other than the author's explanation? such as a template or something I could go by? Thank you.

The question is, what do YOU want. There are no guarantees in life, but if you really want this, you will get some outstanding advice from the veterans on this board.

Oh and I do know a little about plan A from just reading a little on it, here is the problem; She works from home but they have a work IM, the IM is monitored and so no personal conversation is allowed, though this won't stop them I'm sure. She wants to speak with him for a few reasons A:She loves him, B:she wants to confirm that "what they had was real" because she said even if it wasn't for him it was for her. c:to get closure on the situation as to whether they are going to try to be together, or if he is going to work things out with his wife.
I will move back in and start staying there again in a few days.

I would love any advice given at this point. I want to work things out. I love her more than words can describe and she is the mother of my 2 children. I DO believe we could live a happy life together for as long as we both live, I DO believe our marriage would be stronger than ever if we get through this, and I AM willing to try anything to get this to work.
She will not talk to me unless it's about the kids, she is an emotional wreck right now, she doesn't eat and can't sleep because she said she is heartbroken over him and then gets even more upset that she's heartbroken over him and not me.
How am I to act during these 9 days before we talk again? I will move back in and ask her to either stay somewhere else or sleep on couch, though I know this won't go over well at all with her.

No, today.
Are you not listening?

Re contact OM's wife and tell her your WW's current plan to contact her WH.

Okay as far as if your marriage is recoverable the answer is YES. Will it be? that remains to be seen, as Dr H says it is a narrow path to recovery.

First, get back in to YOUR house. Who cares who pays for it, it is where YOU live. And, I believe you should move back in to your bedroom. If she doesn't want to sleep in your bed with her husband tough tooties. She can sleep on the couch if SHE chooses. Exposing the affair is the first step in ending the affair and if you have done so to EVERYONE you can think of, then you did that right. Did you expose to Other Man's Wife? This should be done over the phone if possible.

Second, You should read up on Emotional Needs, and Love busters and then try to do a SOLID Plan A. You should also look at getting the book Surviving An Affair and READ IT. There is a lot of information on this site and a lot of helpful people on this forum.

Third, snoop. You should find out everything you can about their affair.

Don't worry about her saying that it is over. All waywards say the same things, it is even called a SCRIPT and it is almost predictable. My WH told me that it is over and he is living with OW at this moment and I still firmly believe that my M is able to be saved. Only time will tell if it is.

When you wife talks in Fog-babble(as it is affectionately called around these parts) just think of her like the teacher from peanuts.

READ as much as you can and post. Take the advice of the vets on here that seem to go along with your plan. If you want to save your M than follow the advice that will lead you to that end.