Originally Posted by markos
[One of them came very, very close to suggesting that I needed to end the marriage, and then hid in a cloud of psychobabble and feigned innocence saying she hadn't suggested anything and revealing that she really didn't know what "decision" she was talking about when she told me I had to make a decision. We quit seeing her very shortly thereafter.

markos, and this seems to be the way of psychobabble artists, they never want to be held accountable so they speak in vague, incoherent ambiguities. Dr Harley touches on this somewhat in his book Effective Marriage Counseling. You know how traditional psychotherapists don't really give guidance or opinions, but ask the client to discuss his feelings? This is based on the belief that the true answer to the problem is "within" and if the client just yaps enough he will figure it out on his own. What amazes me most about this process is that it doesn't seem to occur to the founder of this silly philosophy that the clients best thinking got him in this mess in the first place. His thinking is the PROBLEM, so how can it be the solution? crazy

But the cool thing is that the "counselor" can NEVER be held accountable for the FAILURE since the "plan" comes from "within" the client by yapping endlessly. The counselor can therefore blame any failures on the CLIENT. Nice, huh?

Dr Harley, on the other hand, not only proposes a PLAN, but he tracks his progress and HOLDS HIMSELF ACCOUNTABLE FOR FAILURES IF HIS PLAN FAILS. For a long time he wouldn't even CHARGE clients until he came up with a winning plan.

That is how MB and other behavioral programs differ. They are not based on this kind of nonsense. Rather they hold that the person who screwed things up should shut up and listen and learn NEW BEHAVIORS from someone who knows how to solve the problem.

As a person with a very screwed up past: alcoholic, abuse victim, etc, etc, etc, I only knew how to screw things up. I was very good at that. I needed someone to teach me how to live the RIGHT WAY. And that solution was not to be found in my "childhood." I have made dramatic changes in my life since I changed my behavior and those changes did not come from flapping my lips, but from shutting up and listening. Tomorrow will be 25 years since my LAST DRINK, btw.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101