I would say exposure is the most counter-intuitive instruction in the MB plan. It is also the most effective.

I believed that Dr. Harley advised exposure only in the case where the affair has not ended. Firstly, this is not his current recommendation. And secondly, you cannot be sure the affair has ended, even when all evidence points to that, just after D-Day.

My instinct was to have some small degree of trust in my WH after D-Day 1. So with his assurances, and with some (obviously too lightweight) snooping and verification, I did only a modest exposure. HAD I EXPOSED NUCLEARLY, I AM SURE THE AFFAIR WOULD HAVE ENDED THEN AND THERE, INSTEAD OF CARRYING ON UNDERGROUND FOR 6 MORE MONTHS. Plus, I would have had the benefit of much-needed support. And both I AND WH would have been spared the pain of a more-entrenched affair.

The fact that we are now in recovery is only by luck. (and the fact that OW is an instable whack-o). I seriously endangered my marriage's chances of recovery by not going nuclear with exposure. Yep, I was actually an enabler of the affair by NOT going big.

Do not make the mistake I did. Expose deeply and fully. And now.

Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.