I will start with the stats. Me 43, third marriage, have a D20, S10, and 2 grand C (twin identical) of 5 months. I had a vasectomy 7 years ago. W is 26, first marriage, my SD with her is 7. M for a little over 2 years.

My story begins this summer, my W had 2 one night stand affairs, one in mid July, one at the end. Both alcohol fueled by her version of it all.

I was told that the baby was mine initially, until I pushed the fact that I was going to the fertility clinic to get checked out. She asked what would it mean if i came out at 0%. i told her there would be some serious explaining to do. I was in the shower at the time, i remember it so well. She said "I should just start packing then". I had always told her, since before we were married she could only loose me one way, to cheat on me.
She told me that when she was at a work party, she got super drunk and slept with someone from work. I might add we work at the same place. I have been a direct employee for 14 years, highly respected, and in a high visibility position. She has been there 1 year.
I take this info the best i can, i don't over react, I love her, so I just tell her i am devastated, that I need some time and space to think.
I took that space that I needed, and subsequently due to her BPD that did not sit well, even though I did not "knee jerk" react and throw her out, or get angry. There was a night where she completely lost it, was hurting herself and saying some very bad things, specifically about my S7 mom. He was over hearing this, I decided the best course of action was to diffuse the situation by leaving and going to a friends house. I did abandon her that night I think, she needed me, but I needed more to protect my son.
Things escalated, she found me at my friends house, the threats had turned suicidal. I feared for her, the baby, and my son and my friends kids that were present. we called the police, they evaluated her and she went to a hospital.
It was best she didnt come home the doctors decided, i was in support of this as i was concerned for my son, and myself. (there has been physical abuse on me a few times before. She is only 105, so she never truly "hurt" me, just scratch, punch and bite me)
She went to her ex's house, she has no family, so she would have been homeless otherwise. I should mention i got a PPO while she was in the hospital, i feared if my S7 mom heard about the situation, and I did nothing I could loose custody. Again protecting my son.
We both got into counseling, I love my wife, i knew she had a sickness when we married, I know abandoning someone in need is something that is not in my moral character. I remained her friend, there for her, but taking care of myself and my S.
So I have asked for advice from many of council. All of them overwhelmingly said to run, very harsh, very abrupt. Very self protecting. I agree in so many ways.
One man, a life long friend, a man of god. He is 52, has 7 kids, the youngest 10 months, and his wife pregnant again talked to me.
He asked me, did you know she was sick when you got married? Did you know it would be tough to love her always, in sickness and health? For better or worse? my answer is a resounding yes, i knew this would be tough, but i have always known in my heart, she needed me, I needed her. I loved her from the moment we met. I knew as I did that first morning that i understood what had happened, that we had departed physicaly, that I was hurting her, that her seeking that physical side was in part my fault. Could I leave someone I loved in their greatest time of need? Could I leave a innocent child without the man that can love and support them? My answer is instantly no.
After my talk with my friend, I knew that I still loved her, that I forgave her, that we could look to the future and not look back, that I wanted to be there for her through the ultrasounds, the birth of our baby. That I would never think of the joy being brought into my life by god as anything but an amazing moment. there was no affair, just weakness, that she needed help to be stronger, and that we were getting that help.
So here I am today, tonight. I came home from a business trip Thursday, I had let her know she could come home, that I was here for her. She stayed Thursday and Fri night, my S7 here on Fri. Here is the silly and my problem, not that there arent so many that I need all of your advice on within this very long post. I had a birthday party for my D20's friend today. My W thought me going to this prior commitment before we agreed that she would come home this weekend was an abandonment, (a symptom of BPD.) She had a breakdown, , 17 weeks along, and is not here tonight, taking refuge at her ex's house again. (the ex has a GF and i at this moment don't suspect additional A's) We have been sexually active as recently as last night, the passion is still there for us, i adore her more than ever.
But now that she has derailed again, i still miss her, still love her, I know i am probably being nieve, but I have seen much support here. Hope to have your guidance.

Please help me. I could really use the honesty. I really want to be here for my wife, and the baby. But is it too much? I can get out easy, no support, no settlement for divorce, the house is mine, have had it for 12 years, she has only worked for 1 year during our marriage, but easy is not what I am looking for, I still love her, and nothing good comes easy. I am fighting my morals, and trying to do the right thing to help her and the unborn child that needs a dad. Oh, the potential fathers dont want anything to do with the baby and will sign off after paternity is established.
Thank you so much if you read this far. smile