Raven,<P>I think that I may see the problem here. You stated, "I'm not naive, or uneducated; I realize that what my husband wants would not be viewed as out of the ordinary for a lot of people, but, for me, they are just NOT acceptable. My H has known my feelings about what I feel are acceptable or not acceptable areas since before we were married, and my feelings about this have not become more liberal over the past 14 years; in fact, if anything, I feel more strongly about this now than I did before his affair."<P>First of all, your husband's affair was completely and totally wrong and I in no way condone it or think it is acceptable. But I want you to realize that many of your long held beliefs about prohibited sex practices may not be based on scripture. I also for a long time believed that certain sexual acts were not accepted in the Bible (I am assuming that your beliefs are based on Christianity.) But if you will look at the Bible and the Bible only, there are little if any restrictions on what a husband and wife can do within their marriage. If you look at the Song of Solomon carefully, you will find not-so-veiled references to many activities which might surprise you. <P>Remember, God is the one who came up with the idea of sex. It was designed for the enjoyment of people made in his image. He could have made us just like animals who can engage in intercourse in just a few seconds for the sole purpose of procreation. Have you ever considered that humans are the only creatures who make love face to face, or that a woman is the only female creature who truly has an orgasm, or that the man is the only male mammal without a penile bone? God has made your body in a manner which is capable for the celebration of your marriage in a physical way. <P>Now you have a choice to make. You can continue in this belief that there are just certain things that you will not do, or you can decide that cherishing, redeeming, and celebrating your marriage are important enough for you to question long-held beliefs. After a lot of study on this subject I have found that the only restrictions on marital sexual activity are, 1) It must not involve other people, even looking at others involved in sex, 2) It must not be physically harmful, 3) It must not be selfish.<P>Now you might be thinking that your husband's insistence that you engage in activities that you are not comfortable with is selfish, but your refusal is also selfish. I suggest that you attempt some kind of compromise. I think that if you make a move to meet your husband somewhere in the middle, you will find that he is not nearly as unreasonable as you think. And you never know, you just might find out that you actually like some of his suggestions. <P>Remember, the only sin in the bedroom is selfishness. Before you refuse your husband, ask yourself if you are being selfish. Also, try to find a book called "Becoming One" by Joe Beam. It should be in any Christian Bookstore.<P>May the Lord Bless YOu and Keep You<BR>John <P>
