thats good advice thank you living well - appreciate all your posts and support. I always feel ok until I get to the point where I blame myself. He made an awful lot of effort early on - when I rejected him a lot as the children were so young - i guess thats where a lot of the guilt from. I feel he checked out some time ago.

Cant imagine a successful outcome for this, he is 53 he is never going to change. He is a very strong character and set in his ways.