Did she have an affair or not? Do I even belong in this forum? That question haunts me. That is why I am here. I'd hate to think it is in the eye of the beholder. I know I was wronged and I was certainly betrayed. Again, 17 years together...we built a home and a life together. I hate to point out that our relationship lasted longer than many marriages. I try not to wonder if things would have been different if we were married--If threat of divorce would have kept her faithful. I doubt it. Would she have just kept it a secret instead? Would it have lasted years? I hate to think about it and yet I can't help wondering if my experience is different than that of a married couple. I guess that is why I am on this forum...for support.
No, she didn't have an affair. You are not married.
The bottom line is that she was not married to you and as such, had no commitment. She did not wrong you. You weren't available to be in a relationship and she left. Yours was a very one sided relationship where you didn't make her happy. People don't stay in relationships where they are not happy. Reciprocity is an essential element of any relationship.
As far as getting my life together, I've been doing physically therapy for over a year now and have been working really hard with my psychiatrist to get stable on my meds. I'm also actively looking for work which is tough with a gap in my employment and given the down economy.
What kind of work can you do? How hard are you looking? Have you considered going back to school AND working? Do you have skills that allow you to fully support yourself and pay back your parents?
We can argue about the medical benefits of marijuana but this isn't really the place, I will say that as a pain killer it was very effective and much safer than opioids. I stopped using it after my surgery; I don't need it anymore.
Are you on any other narcotics? Do you use alcohol? Do you play video games or have any addictions?