Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#367221 03/09/00 01:05 AM
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 1,189
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 1,189
When a betrayer is involved in an affair....and it is physical, is it possible for the betrayer to NOT have feelings for the OP?

#367222 03/09/00 01:33 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 246
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 246
NoTrust:<P>I know that when I was involved with another man, I had VERY STRONG feelings for him. The feelings were so strong that it was almost an obsession. Well, okay...it WAS an obsession AND a fantasy. The emotional AND physical aspects of the affair were very powerful. I'm not saying these things to hurt you. I'm just trying to be truthful. <P>So, to answer your question...<P>No, I do not think that it is possible for a wayward spouse to be involved with someone else without having feelings for that person (even though those feelings are based in "fantasy land").<P>I think that the fantasy aspect of an affair is why it's so important to have the "no contact" rule. When a wayward spouse STOPS having contact with the other person, it gives reality a chance to sink-in. It gives the wayward spouse time to begin to think more clearly. And, when reality sets-in, it hurts! Within one week of "no contact" with the other man, I realized the magnitude of what I had done to myself, God and to my husband. I realized what an idiot I was. I realized that the other person was not someone that I would have even taken a second glance at if the situation were different. I realized that I had been living in a fantasy land and that the other man wasn't a prince -- he was a BIG FROG. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Anyway, I hope I didn't confuse you. I hope this helped in some small way.<P>Jill

#367223 03/08/00 02:15 PM
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 405
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 405
My H insisted it was not emotional, he wanted sex and she was willing.<P>It became emotional after awhile and then during withdrawal he realized it was more emotional than he thought.

#367224 03/08/00 02:51 PM
Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 444
L
LMS Offline
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 444
NoTrust,<BR>for me when I had mt A I had no feelings for the OM, some people may say then why did I do it? good question.<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"It took me quite a while to realize that <B>the real deal</B> is to be able to be enough of a person your own to know when somebody loves you and cares about you"<BR>----Stevie Ray Vaughan<P>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

#367225 03/08/00 09:09 PM
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 161
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 161
My H says that at the beginning his encounter with OW was just for sex. The problem is that OW wanted more and I am not talking about sex. She is the one that wanted EA at least that's what it looks like to me. Since women are more interested in emotions and feelings I can see this to be the case in my situation. She just got him wrapped around her little finger.

#367226 03/08/00 09:12 PM
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 1,062
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 1,062
I think the OM just used my W. I don't think he felt anything given that he made someone else pregnant during the time he was and probably still is with my W via pages and phone calls.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

#367227 03/08/00 10:53 PM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 94
Y
Member
Offline
Member
Y
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 94
Absolutely, we can do it without emotional attachment. I did.. We met online on night and were in bed the next. Frankly, I believe now that she was a sex addict as well. I know this sounds wierd, but when she started getting attached is when I got scared and started wanting out. I was not in it for a relationship, although I did enjoy her friendship and companionship. I liked how I felt about myself when I was with her. I don't know if that helps.<P>Repenting

#367228 03/09/00 04:32 PM
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 1,189
N
Member
OP Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 1,189
Everyone, thanks for your replies. Pinky, you made a good point where most women are more emotional & feeling rather than physical. The former OW in our lives really wanted some type of committed long-term relationship.<P>My H acts like she means nothing to him. He doesn't even know why he did it. He says that if he were single, he would just party with her, sleep with her and then dump her within 1 to 2 months, because that's what he used to do before he got married.<P>Repenting, your reply really helped. With the way my H was, I had a difficult time understanding how he could just sleep with someone and it not mean anything. But, I guess it's possible.<P>My H was depressed, using alcohol as an escape, hung out at bars (day after day) and set himself up for destruction. Unfortunately, it happenned but we are on our way to recovery.<P>Thanks everyone for your insight on this!


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,116 guests, and 67 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5