I don't think it ever goes away, not when it makes no sense, when the WS is suffering from depression or MLC. I can work, I can do other things, but it is never far beneath the surface. It is a rare night that I don't dream about him. My H left 20 months ago, it is no better than when he left. Unfortunately, unlike you, I miss him terribly, as much as when he first left. When I see him, I feel just as much love as I ever did. Nothing has changed. Yes, I feel anger, but I also feel intense concern when I see his mood swing from anger to dejection in a matter of seconds, over and over again. In many ways it is far far worse than when he first left, because when I am not thinking about the marriage, I am worrying about how I am going to keep a roof over the kids' heads and food in their stomachs. <P>Going to court and signing the separation agreement did not bring "closure" whatever that is supposed to be. It just brought further anguish, knowing that he could stand there and declare the marriage over with absolutely no outward sign of emotion. Sure he had a (probably stress) headache that day, but that was probably because he feared something would go wrong and the settlement would not get signed. Then he went off on vacation. <P>There is no healing from something so senseless, when someone you think you know is taken over by aliens. So much money is spent on research on cancer and heart disease, and the worst they can do is kill you. Yet much less money is spent on treating depression and other forms of mental illness, which has destroyed far more lives, especially since, unlike the death of a loved one, the ramifications of mental illness destroy the past as well as the present and future. <p>[This message has been edited by Nellie1 (edited October 13, 2000).]