Jill,<BR>I know what you mean. I obsess about my STBXH also but it has only been about 7 months for me. Fortunately I have been praying alot (something I never did before the affair) and God has been listening. I have had some very clear signals that being with my H is a very bad situation for me. I found out some valuable information about his behavior at his former work that has made it easier for me to detach. Hearing that he was a liar and a deceiver at work for years has made me realize that this is his problem and has little to do with me. My friends have told me from the start of all this "Good Riddance" and I am finally now believing this myself. Continue to get support, pray and try and think about other things that make you happy. You can have a happy life - one that doesn't revolve around having a man in it.