Sorry, I was interrupted. I really can see how this would sour you on all marriages, but you really are drawing the wrong conclusions. Marriage and family is still the best part of life.<P>professorg is right, though it's not just hedonism, more like self-centredness run totally amuck. But I don't believe "society" was ever much better. Always been a fallen world.<P>But there are people who still value right from wrong. And in response to Lady, I now see Harley's point 100%. Yes, we are all in marriage to have our needs met. One sided love can and should be given at times, but cannot be sustained over the long haul. Harley's book, "Give and Take" makes the point much better than I ever could.<P>It has been a hard road towards recovery, but I can't imagine the other road, and my h came very close to ending it just like that. Some on this board have gone through hell in plan A 'cause they really believe this behavior is uncharacteristic of their spouse and that the erring one can recover. (Don't necessarily mean the betrayer, for some it's the other one who won't work on the marriage.)<P>But none of us got here overnight. For me, it was a slow but gradual progression to indifference. But I see it only in hindsight, would not be able to figure it out if we weren't together. So that's the hardest part for you, you can't figure it out unless he'll have long, calm talks. Even if he doesn't want to get back together, he owes you that much.