Hi Again Inamess -<P>I know that you are having a hard time..<BR>..I am sorry for that. I think that you may hurt more for the fact that it doesn't seem to mean as much to him as it does/did to you - yes? That is why I want to point out that you are very lucky that things ended. He is not a person that cares too much about anyone else....not his wife....not you..and God knows how many others in the past or future.<P>He doesn't seem to have the character that you do when it comes to conscience.<P>Rest assured that his wife knows in some shape or form....if not about an actual affair - at least that "something" has been going on with him. She is not stupid and is probably in this same hell that we all are. Only she is not lucky enough to have found MB and therefore doesn't know what to do about her suspicions. She is lost, scared and feeling very alone and confused. If he doesn't talk truthfully with her - she will carry this pain forever. Not so lucky eh?<P>And him.....well, he will just keep making himself and all the women he may come across miserable by his avoidance of communication with his wife. He will just be one messed up individual!!<P>You don't need or really want that for you and your life - do you?<P>I heard a good proverb the other day:<P>"A man's integrity is his destiny"<P>Your integrity is in tact - thus the need to be honest with your husband.<P>His is lacking......<P>I know that it is difficult to go through withdrawal, try to think on all the GOOD that is surrounding you. Your H, your conscience, you are not burdened with lies, etc. You can take this experience as a jolt from God for you and H to start learning and becoming closer with a kind of love that is strong and lasting.<P>The more you think on him and his withdrawal (or lack thereof) you are making him "important" while he is making himself important enough.....he doesn't need your help for that!!<P>The care you had for him resulted from things that you had inside that you needed fulfilled. Perhaps his care for you was only a "wanting" for himself. <P>I guess it comes down to this - You were both in a mess (as you call it) and now you have taken the steps to get out of that mess. He hasn't.<P>Who's better off?<P>Big Hugs, Prayers and Strength,<P>Sheba