Help! sexual intimacy & any sort of attempts to get sexually intimate with H ends up with me me crying or holding back tears, then to me getting up and leaving (i.e. me putting clothes back on and moving to another room). I think this is happening for a couple of reasons, but I'm looking for suggestions & advice with how to deal with it.<p>1. I don't trust WH at all, and feel extremely vulnerable and insecure when I am trying to be ually intimate with him. When H first returned home 8/2001, sex was infrequent (once every few weeks) but regular, and I didn't feel particulary vulnerable or untrustworthy. Then, in March, WH lied to me, went to NY to see some people that OW worked with, and I overheard a conversation (via his cell phone line that was left open) where he was talking to someone about how OW "did it for him" and describing an incident of oral sex with OW in great detail to this other person. All trust that was starting to be rebuilt was destroyed. We have had sex only once since then.<p>2. All I can think about when we try to be intimate is about how OW "did it for him" and the descriptions I have unfortunately heard about their sexual encounters. When this happens, the already tense feelings I have about not trusting him become unbearable, and I fall apart.<p>Also, I (for the first time) suggested temp. separation, since I don't feel we have dealt with any issues in our marriage - H has agreed to work through LB and EN worksheets in 5 Steps to Romantic Love and to read HN/HN book - we have done some reading together, but no worksheets yet (waiting to see if H will follow through). We had started to work on a book about restoring ual intimacy, but after reading part of it, we both decided other needs needed to be met before that can be worked on . . . <p>Does anyone have suggestions for:
1. Helping me to get past the block I seem to have about sex with him?
2. Meeting both of our EN for sex while we are working through this problem (i.e. while we are working through LB's and EN's - but before we get to the plan to address that EN (which comes later in the 5 Steps book)).<p>Any suggestions greatly appreciated!<p>- WLE<p>[ May 13, 2002: Message edited by: WingsLikeEagles ]</p>

hee,hee . . . the internet filter seems to have edited out every incident of the word "sex" from the post - well, I guess it works - although not quite right! So for those of you wondering about this odd post - fill in the word "sex" where needed.<p>WLE

I often cried after orgasm. I think it is healing. We had sex A LOT at first though (like 1-3 times per day) and I think just doing it so much helped me get over it faster, desensitize me to it, if that is the right way to put it. <p>Are there things that your husband can do to help? For instance, my H talks a lot during sex because he knows I like it. His voice grounds me. He tells me what is turning him on, how I look, etc. It helps to focus on what is going on. But if you cry everytime, perhaps he could hold you afterwards instead of the disconnection of getting up, getting dressed and leaving. Good luck. You have a lot to get over. Give yourself time to do that.

i think you are protecting your feelings right now. if your other en's are not met, it becomes very hard to connect intimately with your spouse. i think working on getting them met is a priority. when we feel loved we show love.