I knew he wasn't happy, but I put it down to a new job, him moving away from us for six weeks while the children finished school, and then we were to move down with him.<p>First week he was away, he hardly called.....very unusual. When he came home for the weekend he was so ill he did not move from bed until the Sunday afternoon, when he had to go back.<p>Second weekend, the same thing, but this time we went out for lunch.<p>Before the meal came, his cell phone rang. He picked it up and switched it off. THEN he had to go to the bathroom, and took his phone with him.<p>When he got back (15 minutes later)I asked him about the call......he said he didn't know, wrong number or something.....<p>Well, the brain ticked and ticked all day and night until three in the morning. I woke him up and demanded to know who had called him, that I knew he had gone to the bathroom to call the person back, etc.....he denied and denied, but I kept on until he told me that it was someone from his work who had a crush on him.......and that he may be interested in her. Half truths, well not even.<p>In fact the real story was that he had met the girl before he left, she followed him and they were sharing the hotel room, and did so right up until the day we arrived to join him.......never knew that until about two months later, through snooping. Through a lot of false starts, he dumped this girl.<p>Story two, I knew he was seeing someone right away.....I KNEW it and I knew who it was, but he denied and denied right up until this month, (we have been separated for ten months now) where he told me that not only are they an item, but they are living together...<p>Life sucks.

Gosh, reading all of this really makes me think:
How much a beloved person can change and what lies do to a person. The excuses that are made up and that we BS even believe alot of them. We believe because we trust.<p>I have forgiven my H and I know it wasn't him at that time. He cannot even reconize himself anymore. I've been able to understand the situation that he was in and I can even understand the "doomed" feeling he had at that time.
I've gotten him back, my old hubby, just that he is a better person than he ever was. <p>This comforts me and I know OW never got to know him as I do.
hugs
BB

Well, in March 2000, then W said she had been seeing a psychologist and wanted me to go to a session with her. She announced in the first session that she was unhappy and was 80% sure she wanted a divorce. The issues she raised were all so fixable, to me anyway. Real mickey mouse crap like coming home from work earlier on Friday to care for then 4 yo D while she went out with her friends and so forth. I was optimistic that it could all be worked out. by the third session, she said she wanted out. I was floored, I knew in my gut there was something else. I had her undergo medical testing for hormone imbalance, possible beginning of menopause, nothing turned up. Then in June 2000, I looked at her cell phone bill and called a strange number in the area code of her home town; it was "Rick", a guy she went out with in HS 25 years earlier. I then looked for our old bills going back 6 - 8 months, couldn't find them. Had WorldCom fax bills to me. They were being sent to another address (her GF's house). Lots and lots of long (1 - 2 hr calls to "Rick the Pr***" going back many months). I then remembered her trip to FLA in Jan 2000 while I was busy on big work project, Rick has a condo in Naples, Fla. I also then recalled receiving 4 or 5 hang-up calls per week during the last half of 1999.<p>My gut was right on baby!!! Trust your gut.I knew in my gut there was something else.<p>Here is my original post with my story: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=004894<p>[ May 24, 2002: Message edited by: catamount82 ]<p>[ May 24, 2002: Message edited by: catamount82 ]<p>[ May 24, 2002: Message edited by: catamount82 ]</p>

Clues slowly leaked out. I found the same number without a name several times around the house. I called and told her to back off. He didn't go out for awhile after that. Then he decided to go the "gym". Well he was a little too excited about going to the gym. He came home with clean gym clothes. I asked him the next day if he went. He lied and said yes. I decided to call the gym and check their hours. It wasn't open.

September, 5 years ago, I had a strange conversation with my H while we were walking the dog. It felt like an interview. He was asking me how I felt about an upcoming birthday (a biggie) and other personal stuff. I answered his questions, but they felt odd, the way he was asking them. I didn't say anything right then, but that night after he was asleep I snooped in his briefcase, found a writing pad with a 5 or 6 page handwritten letter to his BestFriend (the OW, they wroked together)<p>He had repeated the questions and answers word for word. He was talking about my personal stuff with this CHILD. Asking for her wisdom (retch)<p>I had a gut feeling for awhile before this, and kept asking him every several months if anything was going on. He always denied it, and said he loved me more than anything (and other lies.)<p>He kept seeing her, staying late at work talking and forgetting how much time was passing. Boy, did THAT hurt! He would drive her to her car and they would sit in the parking lot, again talking, forgetting how much time was passing. OUCH<p>Then 4 years ago, the day before her grampa died, a chink in his armor and the right (or wrong) words from me and he opened up. Like franklymy dear, you could have knocked me over with a breath. "Care about you but not in love with you, the passion is gone, I am only staying until our son is out of the house and on his own, then I'm gone"<p>In answer to my questions about is there someone else (full well having the OW in mind) he denied, and said "Not the way you mean"<p>4 years later I have lost all respect, trust, admiration, awe, and I feel pity when I look at him. Not exactly a formula for passion. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

In the summer of 2000 we hosted two boys from Russia. We were considering adoption of them and a younger sister of theirs.<p>A couple of weeks after they left, H had a business trip to CA. He traveled about 1/2 time then.<p>A week or two later, I went on the computer to print out pictures of the boys we had hosted to complete the adoption application. The picture software opened up to the directory that he had last worked in. There were pictures of him on his business trip with a young blond woman and a 3-month old baby girl. (His trip was back to where we all used to live. She no longer lived there and neither did we.) Pictures of the two of them in all our favorite places--favorite sightseeing spots, favorite restaurants, etc. Many picutres of the baby we obviously taken in a hotel.) Shock of my life! I didn't have a single clue. He was away playing in a tennis tournament that day. I left a calm voicemail about how "inappropriate" this relationship appeared to be. <p>It had been a 7-year affair that I never even suspected because of all of his business travel. and because we led very separate lives even when we were in the same town (his choice, not mine. I knew that so much time apart was not good for a marriage.) I used to joke that I didn't need to know even what city he was in when he traveled because I could always reach him at the end of his cell phone.<p>Sometimes he would tell me he was out of town when he was really just across town at her place. His excuse to get out of the house when he was in town was that he was playing pool down at the local bar. I couldn't go because they allowed smoking and I have asthma. <p>Boy, these thoughts are something I said I wouldn't revisit too often. I made a decision to work on the marriage and bring those boys home. (In the interim their sister was adopted by a family member in their birth country who felt he couldn't take on all three chidlren.) I would have stayed in my marriage even if it wasn't fixable just to not leave our boys in an orphanage. I told my pastor and our marriage counselor (privately) that H had the amount of time it took us to adopt these kids to straighten up and fly right or he would owe child support to more than one woman. It took us 20 months to bring them home and gave us time to work on our marriage. It was not ideal to leave the boys there so long (and the length of time it took was mostly out of our control), but maybe in the long run, it turned out for the best as they have come home to a healed marriage to two parents who are on the same page.<p>MJ

My W sat me down one night (11/00) and tells me she is unhappy. I was floored. A few weeks later she tells me she loves me but is not in love with me. I work very hard on making some changes in myself, but after a couple of months we grew further apart. I knew I was missing something. I checked her cellphone and found OM's # stored on it. A few days later her cellphone bill came in and there were a couple of dozen calls him. I still didn't want to believe it until she asked for a separation. I did some snooping and it became obvious. She denied it even with considerable proof. She has never admitted it and we are now getting divorced. The worst part is we still live together, are fighting over custody and she has no intention of selling the house until the divorce is final. It's a living hell!!!<p>sad dad

Well, we were in counselling and I just didn't understand it. He kept saying he "loved me but wasnt IN love with me" (famous last words for alot of affairs!!!) and that he thought I was his best friend, a great mother, a great partner, yet he didn't know if we SHOULD work on our marriage. I kept saying I didn't understand and finally said, "It would make more sense to me if there was someone else in the picture" (all this time I had suspected something and apparently he knew this because of his response....) He said, "well, there have been some conversations" I said "with who" and he said "who do you think?" I said"what will OW say if I call her" and he said "You don't dare"
Guess what????? I DARED!!! I said, "OW< my husband says that he's not sure if he wants to work on our marriage because of you?" She answers"Well, we have had some conversations" I said "YOU FFFFFFFFFFING LYING FOOL" and all of the sudden he confesses all on his own, without me having to pry it out of them!!! He was so mad! I tricked him for the first and hopefully the last time in our marriage!!!! I have to say, looking back, that I had some guts that night that I rarely really have! God Bless!

When OW and her H were with my H and me up at our vacation home in Maine, I saw her playing footsies with my husband! Duhhhhh...that was my first clue! Of course, the denials were rampant. My H said "he was in shock..didn't know what to do!!!) I told him the least he could have done was to move his foot!!! In knew in my GUT that there was something going on, but the actual "confession" came from OW when she came to my house to tell me the "truth". My H didn't confess to A until after OW told me. They are living together right next door to me and are planning to move into a new house together next month. I am moving to a new house as well with my children.
BH

VIDEO TAPES!!!!!!!!!!!!Yes, I said video tapes of my WH and the horse mouth whore(what I say she looks like under "which movie star do you look like"). And this was Two tapes, #1 their wonderful weekend. #2 lots of sex. Nice huh?<p>At least I was prepared for the worst. Lots of clues leading up to that. I kind of needed those tapes. My H was such the BIGGEST lier, those tapes were my sanity.<p>PI

He just came out and told me one day. It was just a few days before Mother's Day (1998) when he told me. He spent the weekend with OW since she came down for the weekend. On Mother's Day he came home and offered to take me out for Mother's day dinner.Can you imagine that?<p>I guess I knew something was wrong but never thought he would resort to an affair! I was talking to many people online and my husband just assumed I was going to run off with one of them [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] so he thought he better find himself someone new [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] Or maybe it was the money issues we had/have. He thought I was spending too much and maybe I was at the time. Most of it was going to raising our children and keeping up the house. He did separate our accounts and I was told it was because he did not trust me with money. Hmmm! This should have been a red light to me but like I say he always tried to make me feel guilty.<p>I guess the bottom line is that he was using me to justify his affair. He would also try and play tricks on me like trying to set me up for something so I would fall on my face.

The other woman's adult daughter called me after she caught her whore of a mother with my husband. She called me because she thought my husband was a nice guy (whore of a mother had actually introduced my husband to her daughter, and had my husband do some work at the daughter's house, and she knew her mother was a piece of trash whose infidelity had destroyed her own first and second marriages. Also, whore of a mother was living with her ex-husband, the adult daughter's stepfather, while scr3wing my husband, and the daughter didn't want her stepfather to get hurt again by whore of a mother.

For six months he denied denied denied, but I found yahoo instant messenger on the computer. His attitude had changed suddenly he wasn't happy being married. I never did anything right. I repeatedly asked if he was seeing OW even knew who it was. He still denied. OW would show up at his shows. ALL of them. Right in front of me pretty brazen. He wanted to get a cell phone, something he had always hated before. He was depressed, slept all the time never wanted to get out of bed. Was as a$$ to everyone including his friends. Then one night he comes home and tells me he is in love with someone else. Someone closer to our sons age then his. <p>At first I did not understand why he would tell me. He knew what my reaction would be. I would call her and then call her parents. SHe was so young she still lives at home. Now I know he wanted to end it and this was his weak way of doing it. He let me do it for him. Does not say much for him does it?<p>Music

Okay stupid question. How did you find yahoo instant messenger on your computer? Where would I look??
Thanks to anyone who can help.

go to start then programs and it should be listed
or search for folder

You can go to search for files type in "temporary internet files" it will pull up all the sites that your computer has been to on any given day and the times they were visited. I have found this to be a useful tool. It is harder to erase then your internet history and most people don't think to erase it. Or at least my H didn't.<p>Music