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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 139
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Fellow MB Friends,
Why is WH acting crazy? WH gets angry if I go to work, then he complains that he is the only one working. WH tells the children to remember he is the only one working. I can go to work everyday but when I do, he gets angry. I am lucky enough to be able to work when I want to. (Family business). Needless to say I haven't gone.....
WH hides his pager or takes out the battery when he is home. WH has started to drink alot and take drugs. I know when he does drugs I can just look at him and I know. But when I ask he lies. WH accuses me of having another man in the house. WH says how much he hates being home. WH says he hates when I wait for him to come home. WH says he feels as if I am using him.
But then WH tells me that I am doing a good job. And I shouldn't feel as if I am not contributing. I am taking care of the children and I am doing a good job. WH askes me to scratch his back. WH asks me for other unmentionable favors. What the heck is he doing?????
WH is making me nuts........... I am having a real hard time dealing with Plan A. Please advise. I can no longer afford C either, insurance only covers 50%.......
There is one thing that I do to him on purpose. So he can think about what he has done. When he is ready to leave for work I get the kids all dressed. WH asks where we are going, I say I am taking them for a ride. WH asks where? I say around town.......
Do you think he is freaked out that I may catch him at the OW house? Am I LB'ing?????
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Together 18 years, Married 10
d-day 03-12-02, d-day2 04-17-02, d-day3 04-27-02
ow continues to page him.......
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
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lost,
You will get lost if you try to rationalize WH's words ... He is in the fog. You could do two thing, learn how to speak to the fog ... (I can't I am not good at word and too slow ... LOL!) or just reply w/ "hmm" .. "oh, yeah" ... "I disagree w/ you but we are adult we could agree to disagree for right now we leave it alone " ....
Let's try ...
WH says how much he hates being home. ..., oh yeah ...
WH says he hates when I wait for him to come home. ...,ok , next time I won't wait for you no more and remember your complaint.
WH says he feels as if I am using him. ... ask WH more ... you have to be able to weed out which is plan A material which one is excuse. Make WH explain it more in detail but politely and no LB'ed, just listen and don't get emotional if WH say something far out from different planet. Your main goal is try to get more info. so that you could be more effective on plan A.
Don't let WH suck you in the fog. Focus ... focus on what is important ... your kids and your M.
There is one thing that I do to him on purpose. So he can think about what he has done. When he is ready to leave for work I get the kids all dressed. WH asks where we are going, I say I am taking them for a ride. WH asks where? I say around town....... ... Good, just do your biz. and never mind WH.
Do you think he is freaked out that I may catch him at the OW house? Am I LB'ing?????
In plan A ... don't assume, don't speculate ... look at the fact not the words. Otherwise you will go nuts. Nope, you are not LB.
Drug problem worries me :mad , could you snoop or verify ?. You might have to do tough love ... and I suggest that you get MB help. Have you ask WH for conseling w/ MB ?.
-RH-
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 139
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 139 |
redhat,
I try not to wait, but I can't sleep. And when I do not wait he askes me why didn't I wait. I will try not to wait, even if I am awake when he comes home. I will ask him why he feels as if I am using him, if he says it again.
WH is sucking me into the vile world of the fog. I know that I have to focus on me but how do I when he makes me feel guilty. WH also says that I don't care about him when I go out. I was going to go to a party (WH didn't want to go) well when I was ready. WH said JUST REMEMBER.. I ended up staying home. Later on in the evening WH states You should have gone to the party.
I want to do so many things but when I show some interest in something. WH says I know you can't change, always thinking about yourself.
I can verify.. I found drugs in his car. WH doesn't know I have a spare set. I didn't say a word to him, only because he would have known that I was checking his car. I don't know if it is a problem yet. When he is not drinking/drug taking he is much better. We were going to C but like I said our insurance only pays for 50%. Since he gets mad when I go to work I haven't gone there either so we are on a very tight budget. I told him that I can go to work but WH says NO that he would rather work 10-12 hour days.
When I get the kids ready to go out, WH thinks that I am following him. Did I fail to tell you that one day I did follow him and that's when I caught him at the OW house. PARANOID??? You think????
Redhat, I don't know which way to turn.
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 10,816
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hi lost:
I'm sorry to hear things are still going so rough for you. I agree with redhat about the drugs/drinking. Do you know what kinds of drugs he's taking? Even the alchohol, even if it's not "heavy" drinking, can be a bad thing considering the stress you two are under. I know. I'm not an alchoholic, but drinking even moderately these days can be a disaster - it's too easy to be inconsiderate and blurt something out that undermines my plan A - so I try not to drink much at all.
I would try to be consistent with regard to the waiting up. Try not to do it would be my suggestion. Let him wonder why you're not "worrying" all the time. After a while, if you're able to remain calm regardless of what he does, maybe he'll want to know why you're calm and will want to share that with you.
Definitely take care of your kids, but if you feel you can do that AND work, then DO IT. Again, try not to worry about what he says he wants or doesn't want you to do. He's fogged. You don't need to be dragged through his pit of despair.
I usually don't recommend people go to parties when they're trying to do an effective plan A, but maybe in your case it would be beneficial? I don't know.
I'm sorry to hear that your insurance coverage for Cing is limited. Someone a while ago suggested that the YMCA or YWCA might have free Cing services, but I haven't heard anything more about that. You might also talk to someone at your church about help they might be able to provide free of charge.
Please hang in there! All my best regards,
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 139
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Posts: 139 |
2long,
How are you? I hope things are better for you. I wish I had more time to be on MB, I feel much better after I receive feedback. Somedays are better then others, rollercoaster affect.
WH drinks maybe 1-2x a week - drug taking 1-2x week (drug of choice cocaine). I know what to expect for him to say when under the influence.
But it still hurts. I don't remember who said this but they were right. BS must be thicked skin. I am learning.
Yesterday I did not wait up and I will not wait up anymore. Let's see what happens.
How can I not worry about what WH says? I am afraid that if I act like I don't care then WH will go back to the OW. Remember they care so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really want to go to Cing. Hopefully as soon as we pay off what we owe we can go back. WS did go with me but it wasn't much help. The last time we went together WH said that the only reason he was staying was because of the kids. I told him as soon as we went back home, he could pack his belongings and leave. WH freaked out and said he didn't want to leave, he wanted to work on our M. So you see 2long, he is truly making me insane.
Maybe I need to be on some different med's. I was on wellbutrin but I ran out. I am going to call my Doctor and see if he can prescribe something else. Maybe I won't feel so miserable if I take another type of anti-depressent.
I am hanging in........ trying at least. WH is making it extremly difficult.
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Together 18 years, Married 10
d-day 03-12-02, d-day2 04-17-02, d-day3 04-27-02
3 children: 2 boys (10 & 7) 1 girl (3)
ow continues to page......... LEWD!!!!!!!!!
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 139
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OP
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 139 |
2long,
I am so very sorry. Relax. Think thru things before you say something you may regret. I know how hard it is but you have to stick it out. You have to stay focused. Believe me, I know how hard it is. There has been several occasions when I had to bite my tongue. Believe it or not when my WH is not under the influence he is better. WH even talks about our future? To me there is little hope for any future. So you see, the fog has many faces. You just happen to see a new one today......
The OW still pages my WH. Of course he don't know why? But you know something, everything that they continue to do may hurt you. But it is making you a stronger person in the long run. You either win at your M or you win knowing that you did the best you can do. There comes a point in your life when you start to realize that you have no love left for them. Hopefully they will start to realize that and snap out of the stupidity.
Do you know you can block e-mail address? Try it. Why not? Plead ignorance when and if WS questions you. If I knew of a way to block the ow from paging my WH, believe me I would have already done that.
Any suggestions?
Take Care
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Together 18 years, Married 10
d-day 03-12-02, d-day2 04-17-02, d-day3 04-27-02
3 children: 2 boys (10 & 7) 1 girl (3)
ow continues to page......... LEWD!!!!!!!!!
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