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#1027458 09/06/02 02:23 PM
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Ow woman called wife on wed, told her she felt like she should know the truth, well that would have been ok but I think ow has a problem with the truth so she made up several things and made it look worse than it really was.

Told my wife the a was longer than it was, told her, we had talked up until August of this year,
told her if she wanted me I wouldn't be here with my wife and that I would leave her any day.
She also told her that she had been pregnant
and lost the baby, which is what upset my wife the most, well that and the fact that I lied about the whole thing. She never told me she was pregnant but everytime we had sex ,she would say her period was late and toward the end I was so stressed out about it I just tried to avoid sex with her all together.

I had a lot of explaining to do, my wife was pretty calm considering the situation, I was sort of shocked. She hit me in the face with it when I came home. Ow had called her at work because I had our number changed after the nc letter she sent me because she kept calling.

Wife doesn't want a divorce, said she knew it in her heart something else was going on with me during the time of the A. She does believe me when I say it really ended, says she could tell a difference in me, but shes having a hard time with the pregnancy issue and I don't know what to do about it. I told her anything I can do to make it up I will, but I swear ,ow was never pregnant.

My wife cries every time she thinks about ow having a baby, I think it might be because of her own surgery last year and that means no more kids for us but we didn't want anymore anyway, so I don't know. No one in this world could ever take the place of my wife and I want her to know that,
to really know it.

I think it's pretty dirty of ow to want to hurt my wife like this, she just told her all kinds of bull ****, the truth was bad enough but for her to
just make up stuff really sucks.

To the BS here, if op calls you, please remember ,they are the op, they are not your friend, they most likely are not doing it out of the kindness of their heart unless they are calling to say they are sorry.

#1027459 09/06/02 02:43 PM
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Only Human,
I was called by my FWH OW. He even gave her my number. I wished I would have hung up on her the minute I heard her voice. The words still haunt me. Again, she wanted to apologize so I thought I would hear her out. She was a coworker of his. She said alot of things that she wanted me to ponder over I know that now. Like, he really really loves his kids....Am I suppose to assume he was still with me for the kids? Then she continued to say, "well, aren't things getting better between you?". I assume she has been giving him advice on how to "help" me through this....so much for no contact. The last but not least, she told me "he is my best friend". That cut me like a knife. Now that is what I think of the most...I lost my best friend of 30 plus years. I will never have that friend back because of what she said. If she ever calls again, I will definitely hang up and I advices BS to do the same...I hope your wife realizes the OW doesn't care about anyone but herself to do that.

#1027460 09/06/02 03:00 PM
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MAH,
ow brought up the kid thing with my wife too,
and my wife said in one breath she would talk about how she dumped me and another she would talk
about how close we were.
I had been going to sit my wife down and tell her everything and then I think it was last week
ow called my voice mail and left a message that if I didn't talk to her she was going to call, I didn't think she would so I ignored it.

Thanks for the reply and I hope you get your best friend back.

#1027461 09/06/02 03:30 PM
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Only Human!!!!!!

I too received a call at work by the FOW. It too was done in spite of my husband. She wanted to hurt him and the only to get him was hurting me. I too wish I hung up on her as well.

But her call she stated was to clear the air. We talked for a long time, I got only half truths from her. She was out for revenge on my husband.

As times passes please remember what the FOW did, because the bad memories will fade. I mention this because after 18 months on no contact the FOW contacted my husband to restart their "friendship". Luckily he was back "in love" with me and told her no. I found out 1 week after the contact. So please if the FOW contacts anyway, please tell your wife. It will help bring back trust. I found out by a friend who saw theming talking. Eitherwise I would have never known about the contact. My husband was misguided and he didn't want me to get hurt once again. But I rather have him told me the truch rather then omit the truth.

I can only hope you see the FOW true colors. Your wife is a very loving person and you seem very remorseful for your one mistake (big it may be, but it is repairable).

Now is the time to show your wife your love and be very patient with her. Being told that the FOW was pregnant is very hard to hear. But time will help, it really does.

We are 2 years into our new and better marriage. It really does get better, but there will be many ups and downs. If possible get some help for you both either IC or MC. It will help your recovery.

Best luck to you and your wife,

bighope

#1027462 09/06/02 04:02 PM
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Human:

I never posted here before I usually post at p/c,but I can relate to this. Anyway my H didn't tell me the truth at first when I found out,he gave some lame story. I sorta didn't beleive it so I had to do some searching on my own and finally called the OW myself. And boy she let me have it. She knew my H had lied to me so she took the oppurtinity to tell me her own story. I knew she lied to me because certain things just didn't make sense. And I told her so,and that only got her angry. The thing is that only made it worst for me knowing that again he lied to me. And it made me confused because now I didn't know who to beleive? Him or Her? I know she got her kicks out of that? But I still chose to stay with my H. And that only made her hate me more. I don't think she will ever come clean,or ever feel remorse for her actions. I can totally relate to your sitution and I hope things will get better for you. You can always remember this though "the truth will set you free" And trust me it can.

#1027463 09/06/02 06:34 PM
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Bighope,
The A ended with ow in 99 when she sent me a nc letter. She started calling me right after and
we went through this for a few months until I knew I couldn't get over it until there was no contact at all. She has sent cards ,letters and pictures since then but I have never responded.

Ow and I met online and my wife had caught me
several months into it, I lied, told her it was over and she didn't know we met and all the other things. If I would have ended it then or at least
confessed everything to my wife when it really ended I could have saved her all this pain. Ow
better not contact me or my family again .

Lovebug,
my wife felt like you did, she's not sure who to believe since we are both liars, I understand why.I was looking for the 'right' time to tell my wife, well, there is no right time to break your
wife's heart. I hope we can work this out.
Wife isn't home yet and no call, guess it's my turn to worry.
thanks to both of you.

#1027464 09/06/02 06:40 PM
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Whoops, I meant to say
Thanks to both of you for replying.
Sorry, I'm a little brain dead today.

#1027465 09/06/02 07:33 PM
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Wow OH,

U mean there's another PBR out there?!?!? LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Well the OW in our case decided she would leave 3rd party messages. Act like she was leaving a message for the WS but actually be talking to me (BS). Sound crazy? Gets better...... this nutty OW decided to have at least 3 fako pregos. At 45 she said she knew she was preg, positive it was a girl (WS always wanted a girl and the OW supposedly miscarried for all 3 times somewhere between 1 day - 6 weeks), then knew I caused her to miscarry. The ow never provided any tests or proof from the doctor but had the audacity to ask for reimbursement for medical expenses and even asked ahead of time if the WS could send her approx $100.00 per month for pre-natal care. Of a fako prego??!??!? Hm......

Me? Well I had an ultra-sound done and was pregnant during this time (right during the OWs 2nd prego scare), I had the pix and then lost the baby at 10 weeks. Then had the DNC with the WS right there. Hm...... so much for who has proof.

Please let you W know that there are others who had to deal with PBRs just like the one that called her. She wants attention. Don't give it to her. She may try to blackmail you with harassment charges. The OW in our case said she was going to send me to jail for harassing her. I have never met her. So I told H that if I was going to jail for a crime I haven't committed, tell the OW that now that it is documented that she will accuse me of a crime that I might as well go do it. Reverse babble logic.... that one shut her up!!! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Sorry you are having to deal with a nutcase. Hope you realize now you are much better off with your W.

take care,
L.

#1027466 09/07/02 10:04 PM
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Hi Orchid,
what is a PBR? I have a couple thoughts on what it could be and what I would like to think it is but I'm not sure. I hope ow isn't still reading here, might give her more ideas LOL. She is crazy.

My wife came home around 8:00 last night, she looked great, she had red highlights in her hair
and she had been shopping, I didn't bother asking how much she spent but I told her she looked beautiful but she didn't have to do that for me and she told me right quick that she didn't do it for me but for her, either way I love it.
I tried to be nice so we could have some sf but
she was too tired. Today we were getting along great until I was making milkshakes and didn't check the blender and blew milk and ice cream all over the kitchen. She said I half [censored] do things
and thats why I'm always screwing up. I'm going
to try and plan A her and see how this goes.

Is the ow still bothering you? You would think they would get the message after a while.

Thanks

#1027467 09/08/02 01:25 AM
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OH,

PBR - a well earned nickname for the OW that stands for psyco babble rabbit.

I think you know where the 1st 2 names came from and the rabbit.... well... let's just say that after 3 fako prego threats, she earned that one. Of course theres a few of you guys out there that may think PBR stands for Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer!!! Where's Jeffers?!!?! LOL! But in my case, PBR is much more potent and has given headaches worse than any hangover!!! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> :rolleyes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So you got goofy in the kitchen with the blender. We W's know you guys are like that, sometimes we do wonder though....do you do that on purpose? Hm..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Good to hear you are handing out compliments when they are genuine.... Us venus types thrive on a sincere compliment.

Keep up the good work and stay away from all PBRs!

L.

#1027468 09/09/02 01:31 PM
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I think it's pretty dirty of ow to want to hurt my wife like this,

What about what you did to hurt your wife? YOU gave OW the power to hurt your wife, and YOU hurt your wife. Don't complain because you don't like the consequences.

#1027469 09/09/02 01:50 PM
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As a wife who has had the OW bring her daughter into my workplace to see my H, I can tell you it brought everything I mean EVERYTHING back fresh --- as in bleeding wound fresh -- all the mistrust the pain etc.
One thing that really helped me was that my H went thru it with me (when we were alone together of course)--sat and listened as I ranted raved cried everything and told me I would never have to face anything like that again ALONE cause we were a team now and he didn't say one single thing in defence of OW's actions and did not blame me in any way whatsoever the way I reacted to this.
Perhaps you could do something special for your W nothing big or expensive but something to show her she is number one in your life.
BTW "I love you" and "sorry" are great heartfelt words that I never tire of especially when I am in need of reassurance...

take care and good luck

#1027470 09/09/02 01:57 PM
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What about you OH, what about what you did? Your post is full of blame toward OW for what happened. You may have convinced your W, that it's all this other womans fault, but it's time to get real. It takes 2, OH, and that would make you accountable for no less than 1/2 of all the turmoil and pain your wife is dealing with.

#1027471 09/09/02 04:32 PM
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I am also new to this forum as well. I have been reading posts for several months off and on. At first I thought I was reading a post from my own husband! It sounded very similar...too similar and I started to cry. The OW did call me after a lovers tiff they must have had at lunch. She called me at work on my cell and told me they had been having the affair for 12 months. I was told that my husband does not want to end the relationship. I was told several things about a pregnancy, being invited to an overnight boyscout family outing which she went to!, going out on a date on the day I had some surgery <..days before> and of course where they had sex :< ...house, cars, etc... She even suggested positions and that he just wants me to be like her! She said she was invited to concerts and that it was easy to hide things from me, since he did all the bills. I called my husband, back in June. I was very upset over the pregancy and the rest of couse, knowing I too can no longer have children ...I do have two!.. The arrogance of the woman! ...I am still very upset even now.. My husband came home and said that she told him she would never say anything like this to me and that I did all the talking ..most of the time, it would have been true, since I do tend to talk a bit... I also should have hung up, but I was and still am trying to find answers. At the time I was understanding ..still am, since I know some things she said were not true.. So things got better in late July and early August, we all went away of vacation and I did not get any phone calls and he did not have any contact. It was back to nomal. ..BTW, did not mention my husband put her on our cell phone plan in Oct of 2001, I found out in February and she is still using the cell!..that is another story....worth a post or two!

I thought we were in recovery, but he said he still wanted to be her friend when we got back. I told him I could not be her friend! Well... I am having a very hard time, since they work with each other in the same group and he says they still go for walks and lunch. I have seen her twice since then. Once at a concert two weeks ago and I was upset to see my husband happy to see her and once today. I stopped by my husbands work after an appointment before I headed to work. Of course, I get in a car accident outside his work and who do I see in the parking lot.. the OW. Well it all comes back, the hurt, the anger, the frustration, the betrayal. Her manipulation and her hurting both my husband and myself. I know my husband is not blameless here, but I do not think he would go out of his way to hurt me like this. My husband was not pleased I got in an accident. It is only a car and we have three. It is my car as well and I am not upset, it can be repaired. On the way home, I mention I did see her and he said he would prefer if I get announced coming into his work. This set me off and I admitted to seeing some of the things she had written to him about me. I should not have looked, but I did. I said I bet you will discuss this with her at lunch and this will add more fuel, I feel like cannon fodder. So... I can understand being calm, but now and again I can't help but think about the call and what was said. I never got an apology from her or my husband and my husband did not deny nor said he was sorry for anything... He just tries to sweep it under the rug and get mad at me for bringing it up.. I want this door closed! One word, Sorry... I think that would have gone a long way for me. I think he is still having the affair, he has put up all the walls again and I have months of trying to penetrate just so he can hear me again.

Of course, I bet she lurks on this board and this will come back to me at some point.. Husband does not believe in counseling, reading or any self help for himself or any one else. So, I am going it alone, since I know affairs do end and I am hopeful to get my loving husband back.

Sorry to vent, this just is way too close to home!

#1027472 09/09/02 08:13 PM
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zoatora and CMiranda,
I am taking my share of the blame, and if ow had told the truth it wouldn't have been so bad. She lied! She was never pregnant, if she would have been, I'm sure she would have told me about it instead of waiting over 2 years. She left out the parts like how she expected me to sell the house
and put my wife out, all the things we didn't agree on. Thanks for reminding me.

Babysteps,
like your husband, I'm trying to stand beside my wife, none of this is her fault. I keep telling her I am sorry and I love her because I
am and I really do. I have been trying to help her more in the house, that's a biggie for her.
I'm glad you and your husband are working things out, it gives me hope.
Thanks for the advice.

Notroubleatall,
I'm sorry you are going through this, it's ok
to vent, better here than at your husband. I'm
so sorry, I hope soon he realizes he can't be her friend, that's not how friends do. Read everything you can on this site. My wife also
went to the bookstore today and bought some Harley books. There are some great people here that will try their best to help you, even if you don't always like what they have to say.
You might want to read about plan A and try it.
I'm not very good with words but I wish you much luck and again, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Thanks for replying.

#1027473 09/09/02 11:07 PM
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Only Human,
Care for another OW story? My WH's OW me e-mails detailing she & my H's encounters. She insisted that he cared for her, etc. He slept with her 2 days after meeting her. They apparently slept together 3 times in the 2 weeks they knew each other. They were both from two different states & were stationed together briefly.
My H told OW that it was over when I found out. She then started sending me e-mails...they had kept in contact via the e-mail & cell phones. I intercepted to an e-mail she sent to my H & responded to her; thus she had my e-mail address.
OW told me that, although they used a condom each time, she may be pregnant. I found out about OW almost 2 months after the A. She told me in April 2002 that her period was late. They were together for 2 weeks in Feb. At first, I was upset to think that she may be carrying my H's child. Then, being a woman, I did the math. Oh, if she was pregnant, than her period would not be slightly late; it would have been 2 months late. There would be no room for doubts. Then I started thinking, this woman is 33 years old, no children; she admits that they used condoms each time & now she may be pregnant. My H must have had super strong sperm!
Anyway, she started in on me. She tried to tear our family apart. Told me that I was stupid to stay with him. Like I would take advice from her! She knew about me before they even slept together; I did not know about her. Who was stupid?
She started sending e-mails saying that I should not want my son around a "man" like my H. She hoped that my son didn't grow up to be like his father, etc. I should have my son's welfare at heart. Like she was thinking about my son's welfare when she was sleeping with his daddy. (My WH told her from the beginning that he was married.) When she brought my son in the picture it hurt my H more than anything.

We decided that if we were going to work on our marriage, the OW needed to be completely wiped from it. She was bitter b/c my H rejected her. She would have been completely satisfied to con't being his mistress. We changed our e-mail addresses. He changed his cell phone & pager numbers. Through the grace of God, we are trying to make this marriage work.

I pray that things work out for you & your wife.

#1027474 09/11/02 10:30 PM
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Insightfulwon,
I never really thought my ow would do all these nasty things, I know now, I was such a fool
for ever thinking she was better than that. I know it is my fault, my wife knows it's my fault and I'm not trying to get out of it. I caused this mess, I met ow, we had sex, I thought I cared for her, I was going to throw my marriage out the window for her but thank God, I woke up.

She has called me at work, leaves messages,
says things she shouldn't be saying to other people. We also have voice mail and shes leaving nasty messages that I better talk to her,that I
owe her. I am not going to talk to her but I'm thinking if she calls me one more time, I'm calling her husband. He knows of the A, he called me once and I protected her, I wouldn't tell him
anything because she had told me he would get
crazy and hurt her. My wife is getting more and more upset over this, I just dont know what to do.

#1027475 09/12/02 12:35 AM
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OnlyHuman,

Can you change your phone numbers? I am not going to give you any advice that I read in MB. I am speaking from the heart.

Change your phone number first & foremost. Your wife has been thru enough pain & she doesn't not need to be constantly contacted by the OW. Otherwise, your wife will never have a chance to truly heal from the pain.

How close is the OW to you? Does she work with you? If so, be honest with your boss about the A & the harassment you are now receiving. The boss has to maintain confidentiality. Do you two hang in the same circles?

Be honest with her H. I know that you want to protect the OW, but she is trying to tear your marriage apart. Are you more interested in protecting the OW than protecting your wife's peace of mind? If the OW continues to harass you, get the law involved. Yes, you have made a very big mistake; Now your priority should be protecting your wife & family from further hurt.

#1027476 09/12/02 01:09 PM
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OH,
I agree with insightfulwon, get the law involved. Don't let this harrassment continue! My H's affair has been over for 10 months now and the OW is still calling, harrassing (mostly hangups, 10-15 calls a day). She also called and hung up on me the whole time A was going on, so all in all she's been at it for a year and a half! (See my posts under OW Stalking, Harrassing & Crazy OW Won't Leave Us Alone). Don't know what state you live in but in my state Telephone Harrassment is against the law. OW is my case has been to jail once and currently has another arrest warrant pending for same. Problem is, OW is my case is not afraid of or embarrassed by going to jail (white trash!) but yours may be. Protect your rights, document everything and get the law involved. Best of luck to you and your wife in your recovery.

#1027477 09/12/02 03:13 PM
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Insightfulwon and Almost There,
I appreciate your advice on this matter. OW doesn't have home number, I had it changed when she continued calling me after I asked her not to.
She lives in another state but I had told her too many things about my life, I must have had some serious problems to give this much information to her, she even had one of my credit cards until I cancelled it.

My wife went crazy when she realized why I had the number changed and
she's having a hard time believing me, even though I'm telling her the truth. My wife said she was going to call ow's husband today, I don't know if she did or not, I haven't talked to her.
I am not trying to protect ow now, I really don't care what happens between her and her husband at this point as long as she leaves us alone. I thought I was gonna lose my wife for real and I spilled my guts.

I don't see how all of you bs have handled these situations as well as you have. I really
admire and respect every one of you. I used to
think all the bs just moaned and groaned about how terrible ws are and that you just needed to get over it. I see it different now.
Thanks.


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