Ok- so I'm here with the 4 kiddos while H is away on week long business trip to Chicago. I made a list of goals and things I would do with myself and the children to help eliminate the inevitable stress of being alone with them this week.

It has only been 48 hours and I am already ready to scream. There was a huge ice storm and chiseling the driveway and walks were not fun. The two youngest have pink eye... I'm sure you get the idea.

H could not wait to be airborne and out of here. I feel so resentful of all of the traveling he gets to do. I hate how he can just up and leave to better himself and I can't even seem to get out for one evening sans children.

I absolutely will not be able to express any of this to him as it is just considered to be whining. Is it selfish and terrible to be this resentful? Does anyone ever have an equitable split of domestic responsibilities?

I work 2 jobs and the children are off two days this week- so I have all four while working. I have at least two to care for while I do my telecommuting job and all 4 for my part time personal assistant job usually.

H says he can't stand the responsibility of his large family and has now figured out it wasn't what he wanted (boo hoo for him)

How can I get over this resentment I feel. I worry it filters down to my children. Should I just stop being so willing to do everything child and house related so he will be forced to pick up soime of the slack? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by wittlewifeypoo:
<strong>..... I absolutely will not be able to express any of this to him as it is just considered to be whining. Is it selfish and terrible to be this resentful? Does anyone ever have an equitable split of domestic responsibilities?

I work 2 jobs and the children are off two days this week- so I have all four while working. I have at least two to care for while I do my telecommuting job and all 4 for my part time personal assistant job usually.

H says he can't stand the responsibility of his large family and has now figured out it wasn't what he wanted (boo hoo for him)

How can I get over this resentment I feel. I worry it filters down to my children. Should I just stop being so willing to do everything child and house related so he will be forced to pick up soime of the slack? Any suggestions would be appreciated. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes you should do less and share the workload. Your children can each be given tasks suited to their age level, even the little one. My son used to sing a 'clean up song' at about 2 years old and he used to keep his room clearner than H kept his office.

Part of my healing was learning to do less. I am a giver by my heritage (right blame my mom - lol!!) and unbalanced at that. Yet the WS would do little to help yet would tell me not to do as much. Go figure.

Part of the WS job to come home was for him to carry his real responsibility. Does your H have a favorite meal or dish you make? If so, tell him you like to shop for the items but not cook it and detest the clean up so if you were to just do tha part you like to do then the meal would still be in the freezer! Give him examples outside of the A to drive home the same point.

Howz that?

L.

<small>[ January 20, 2004, 01:12 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

wittle,

I agree with Orchid, you need to reduce your responsiblity load. I am in the same situation. My H is working on a project where he is home one week per month, and travels the rest.

As far as the responsibilities for the home and children, that is something as Orchid said, that you may be able to delegate with your children. It's a win/win situation because you get some well-needed help, and your children learn responsibility.

Also, you need to force yourself to do something for you in a recreational setting. Go out with a girlfriend, catch a movie, go to dinner, anything. You sitting home being miserable is only going to make the situation worse for everyone. However, if you take care of yourself and your emotional well-being, the rest of your family will respond to your happiness, and give it back.

H's and children respond to anger/frustration/stress from their wife/mom, by wanting to get as far away as possible to avoid your wrath. They see it as an attack on them and get defensive. Instead, take responsibility for you, make yourself happy and they will respond.