Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 17
L
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
L
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 17
Something I've been wondering about. What "minimum requirements" do you think are necessary for a good and successful marriage? It's hard for me to differentiate sometimes between expecting too little or too much.

One thing I've always told my kids is to marry someone you couldn't live without as opposed to someone you could live with. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

It would be great to have input from all perspectives on this- those who have and have not succeeded.

Looking up

Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 17
L
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
L
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 17
--bump--

Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 2,900
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 2,900


<small>[ February 04, 2005, 06:41 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 214
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 214
I used to say, marry your best friend, and I did that once - it lasted 6 years, and then I got divorced amicably - haven't spoken to him since, or even thought of him, really. Then I said marry someone you can't live without - well, I did that too - had an affair on him 4 years later, sounds like I could live without him afterall. (we are still together and working hard at M). So I don't recomend either of those sayings.

I like Hanora's idea - you have to be enough alike in the major areas in life, but different enough to compliment each other. Big religious differences are really bad, IMO (first M) Kid thing is a really big deal. Some common interests.

Also - there HAS to be a spark - if there's no spark in the beginning, you can't just create it later (that nullifies the best friend idea.)

Felina

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,474
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,474
MC #2 said he's a narcissist who will do the minimum to appease you. MC #3 said that's just fine if he'll do the minimum to appease me. The minimum just became 15 hours per week of enjoyable time 1 on 1. We have four small children. I am arranging co-op babysitting, buying a crock pot, etc. He has many changes because ALL of his recreational time was away from the family. It seems it can be done.

What happened is I decided I'm done with a bad marriage.

Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 17
L
Junior Member
OP Offline
Junior Member
L
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 17
The not being able to live without someone idea references my daughter's comments about a current boyfriend that she said had some annoying habits, etc. and she could in a sense "get over." Therfore, don't just tolerate- but expect to love and appreciate the basic qualities of a person so you won't be focused on changing them. That never works. I learned that one the hard way.

I definitely agree with the "spark." It has been impossible for me to create one that wasn't there at the beginning. I guess another "requirement" should be to take the time to know what you really want in a relationship- i.e. not marrying too young.

There are things in my mind that are necessities ans others that are a bonus.

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 462
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 462
Here's my minimum requirements for a long-term sucessful marriage:

Communication
Friendship
Great Sex
Recreational Companionship
Similiar Beliefs/Morals
Equal Partnership
Ability to Compromise
Love
Priority on Family/Marriage
Forgiveness

Joined: May 2003
Posts: 126
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 126
You are asking an extremely difficult question. What may be min. req. for one person may be much different to the next person. In my own personal opinion, two people should get to know each other as well as possible before getting married. Some of the very basic and min.
requirements would be the knowledge each other’s current financial situation, religious beliefs, and family values. Even by knowing these few things, a decent amount of time should be taken to get to know the future husband/wife. I believe it would be a good idea to know one’s criminal record (if any) before getting married. One’s general manners, moral and etiquette should be given strong consideration too. This may seem silly, but one’s preference for pets should be looked at also. Sometimes a girlfriends house cats or a boyfriends rowdy pit bull can be a big problem in a relationship. Each and everything that matters to a certain individual should be weighed with some importance and talked about with their future mate before getting married. One very important advice I can give anyone who reads this is to not rush into any marriage. Another extremely important issue is the accidental pregnancy marriage. Avoid it by taking the proper step to not let it happen to you. Do what ever is necessary to teach your kids this important message and then practice what you preach.


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 38 guests, and 59 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Qwerty1234, Overcomer4513, caraduke, Convict20, GTNY
71,738 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,550
Posts2,322,811
Members71,738
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5