Wasn't sure to post any more about myself but I am really in a bad way , REALLY BAD !I will satart with what happened last night and in to this morning , witch is what provoked the insanity that I am in !

H cell phone rang (work phone) I heard the phone buzzing and asked him if he heard it , he said yes ,,, looked at it and said,,,I do not know this NUMBER I am not answering .

I was weirded out by this ,,
ME: so answer it and you will know who it is
HIM: NO cause I don't recognize the #
ME SO , what does that mean
HIM : silent, then said, if its my JOB they will keep trying .

I asked for the phone as to see the #
He was angrey and threw it at me (next to me ) saying who cares why you checking BLAH BLAH BLAH

The phone stopped ringing .

I said, to him are you not answering in case it is XOW ,,
H: YES thats the reason
ME: if its over and you tell me get over it why aren't you ? Why would you avoid a call from someone you have had N/C with in 17 months ? JUst answer if its her you can say I am home with my W please do not call ever again and then hang UP!

H: why would I want to start trouble and start he contacting me and harrassing me all over again .

PHONE STARTS TO RING AGAIN !@!@!!!!

I said, answer it now ...he said no .started yelling at me that He is not opening up that can of worms again and he doen't even know its her so why am I starting ,,,??

I tried in my most calm voice , to ask IS THER CONTACT AGAIN THAT I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT .
H; NO (started yelling ) leave me alone drop it who cares who on the other end ........

WENT to bed ,,, while siting there I could no longer take it ,,, I said, I am calling the # just to see who answers or I would not be able to sleep ...He said what ever shut up already ...
(I think he thinks I wouldn't do it and I did )

I dailed and low and behold A WOMEN !
Sounded like XOW !

I hung up and said, well if its your job would it be a women he said, NO .SO I said then it is HER !

He started flipping out , saying you called now you started a war ,, Oh crap what did you do to my life ,, YOU B!tch ,,, Why couldn't you leave it alone ,,,,,BLAH BLAH ,,,

I started crying ,, (in anger) why would it be my fault that a WOMEN is calling MY H !!!AND IF its over and I am expected to get over this why do you STILL CARE about telling her YOUR HOME !!WHY ARE YOU PROTECTING HER STILL !!!!WHY ARE YOU DENING ME IN YOUR LIFE !!

He said , I am not talking about this any more and then just mumbled crap for like 20 mins.
About how life really sucks and now its all going to start again ... and how its my fault ..

OK this morning ,, I can not let this go . I explained that by his actions he is showing me 1 of 2 things either they still speack to one another or that he does not care about our M yet after all this time by the way he acted if it could possiably been her also that HE still was not willing to TELL THIS HO to take a perment HIKE !

We argueed ,, then I said , what you gonna do tell me its one of your other feinds and they used there W's cell thats why a women answered ?

He said, I ain't saying anything cause I do not care who called cause I will not answer my phone fro any # that I do not know so that if its her or anyone she even knows I do not have to speack to them and tell them anything about my LIFE !

Well got a call this morning from him and he is telling me its a 50 yr old tenant in the building that was trying to get in touch with him last night do to a rent problem ..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Ya got to be kidding me right ?? NO he was serious ,, so at 8;30 pm a 50yr old women living alone picks up her CELL PHONE NOT HER HOME PHONE !

He said , yep .... now you can shut up and not call the # .

Well 1 I do not BUY that not even for free !
2 It does not solve the real problem of the reaction he gave in case it was OW !

do I know OW'S voice YES , could I be mistaken YES ,,,,,, BUT hello the real issue now is that we are not recovering casue this OW is still an issue !

I know N/C Is N/C ,, but now I am back to suspious ,,, cause what happens if he was acting like that cause OW was suposed to ring anonomously or something ???

And again if it is who he says does it make a difference , look at how he reacted !

ANSWERING THE QUESTIONS SOME WHO DON"T KNOW MAY HAVE :

No there is no N/C letter in place .
No the OW never was told he was coming Home to me
N/C started JUNE 03
HOME since FEB02 (contact was there and seeing eachother for 17months while home )

NO counsoling he will never go , can't say I am all that into it my self and there is another job pending so it will affect it if he does any kind of IC /MC

If I talk no matter how I word it its not good .
If I do not talk , and go about my buisness he wouldn't care he likes the silence .

I do belive in my heart now coming home was just a good choice for him ,,, KIDS ,FINCIALY , ect.

See he does not want me to work if D , I would have , also between CS and the ALIMONY I would have gotten and the bills he would have endured and the apartment with OW and her bills and BRAT she has ,,,, well belive me this was a great option .

MY H can get along with anyone , anyone ..
so if he is plesent and I am to its like a real good companionship ...
Dinner done , clean home care taker for kids , cloths done ,,, and the hobbys he would not have to give up ...

Anything I am a mess ,,, I couldn't fight the fight again if ya gave me a MILLION !I am done , spent , had it ,,, every dam angel .

I could never do anything again just for the fact that my kids have finnally healed over all this there world has been put back together and MOM and DAD both have been better and they are receiving more family time since the reconcilation then ever before !

JUST ANYTHING talk to me alittle , I don't know just reaching here !

I do think he generally behaves like a jerk but just to give him the benefit of the doubt, if he really was trying NC, then he shouldn't answer the phone. He was right on that one, I'm afraid. However, if it's real peace of mind you want, assuming you do want NC to work properly, why can't he just get a new cell phone number? That way, in theory, she wouldn't be able to contact him. TT

3isacrowd - I am like you and I would be totally freaking out. The red flags would have been waving all over the place for me. It doesn't help that your husband was such an a$$ about it. My suggestion would be to get your H a new cell phone and make sure to dispose of the old one. As we both know by now, confronting with no REAL evidence of contact on both sides will only increase denial and put your H on guard. I so feel your frustration, but you can only do your best to remain calm and get the facts. No one should ever have to endure this agony more than once and I am praying that this is just a coincidence for you.

wow that is a tough one. He is either doing what he is suppose too and is just mad that you still do not trust him, or he is hiding something. Give him the benifit of the doubt, but keep your eyes and ears open!! Hang in there, you did what I probably would have, however that is not saying much at all. I wish I had more paitence and did not take everything like it was going to be the end for my M! Keep us posted.

TT, thanks ,,,, NO new cell , cause company issed them NEW ,,, GUESS when ,,, after he came home .!

And thats when he was still in contact with her .

Tryed to hide new phone didn't work ,, a freind of hers saw it at the time and also she couldn't get through on old # so the IDOT gave it to her in another one of the attempts to tell her he had nothing to hide !

So any way company will not change his CELL # again ,,, I tryed breacking the dam thing ,, but they gave him new one ,,, WITH SAME #!

I did get a verifacation that indeed it was this tenant NOT OW cell !

BUT the way I feel now that does not matter ,,, its his reaction !

I hear ya on the N/C ,,, BUT he knows that it is no closure for me cause he did not tell her he was COMING HOME TO ME ,,,

1 it left in my JMO the window for CONTACT to be open at any given time
2 If they speck to one another as long as she thinks that I think she doesn't know he is home she will feel justified to talk to him .

Thanks for the reply , we are waiting on a new job ,,, process starts NOV3 ,,, it may take a month ,,,, then the work phone and beeper will be gone .

Providing he gets other job after process is over !

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tummytuck:
<strong> However, if it's real peace of mind you want, assuming you do want NC to work properly, why can't he just get a new cell phone number? That way, in theory, she wouldn't be able to contact him. TT </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YES a NEW phone would be GREAT!
3isa,
I understand your insecurity. Its true that your H seemed more concerned with how he was effected by answering the phone than how you were. Does you H show any signs that he is back in contact with OW? I don't think you should allow this incident to derail you too long, though I understand how threatening it may seem. I can see how your H would want to put all of this mess as far behind him as possible. I think this is very common for WS's...

Do try to give him the benefit of the doubt because if he was in contact I think you'd have alot more evidence than that isolated call. I'm sure your Spidey Senses will be tingling for quite some time, and that's okay too, I see all of this as probably natural for a M trying to recover.

You're Terrific, all human frailties included <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

TT, thanks ,,,, NO new cell , cause company issed them NEW ,,, GUESS when ,,, after he came home .!

And thats when he was still in contact with her .

Tryed to hide new phone didn't work ,, a freind of hers saw it at the time and also she couldn't get through on old # so the IDOT gave it to her in another one of the attempts to tell her he had nothing to hide !

So any way company will not change his CELL # again ,,, I tryed breacking the dam thing ,, but they gave him new one ,,, WITH SAME #!

I did get a verifacation that indeed it was this tenant NOT OW cell !

BUT the way I feel now that does not matter ,,, its his reaction !

I hear ya on the N/C ,,, BUT he knows that it is no closure for me cause he did not tell her he was COMING HOME TO ME ,,,

1 it left in my JMO the window for CONTACT to be open at any given time
2 If they speck to one another as long as she thinks that I think she doesn't know he is home she will feel justified to talk to him .

Thanks for the reply , we are waiting on a new job ,,, process starts NOV3 ,,, it may take a month ,,,, then the work phone and beeper will be gone .

Providing he gets other job after process is over !

IMHO:

I believe that you are going be unhappy, walking on eggshells and incredibly anxious if he does not do a NC letter. Seems like we may have discussed this along time ago. It's no way for you to live, 3!!

Also, it does not seem to be OK for him to be yelling at you and throwing things at you. This does not comply with the MB principles of either of you getting your needs met.

His company won't give him a new number even if he says that he is receiving harassing calls? It seems that they wouldn't want his job performance to be affected.

It does seem to me that he is trying to do this HIS way, avoiding phone calls from her. But like I said, "Is this the way you want to live your lives?" Are you having fun with each other? Are you enjoying each other? Are you getting to know each other again??

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 12:24 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

FM , thanks and yes I have not SEEN any evidenc e of anything ,, Nothing at all ...

I am upset with his reaction also how he always seems to worry how things affect him and NOT ME !And normal for a M in recovery ??? well I'll tell ya I have no idea what normal is ...

To noemal is weird ,weird normal is weird ,,not normal is scarey ,,,,,You know what being a BS is not normal LOL ,,,Thanks again for response ...

MIMI ,,, You wonderful women ,, read your post welcome back and much continued success !

SORRY, got the wrong girl here NO eggshells ,,, try never to hold anything back ,,,nothing ,,,,

I always state how I feel even screem it if I feel like it ... I most of the time try to be true to who I am ... This issue of the cell being changed was beaten every way long ago and so was the N/C letter ,,,..

Through many different opoins on here N/C is N/C .

A letter is not security ,,, although you are correct that it bothers me , not letter exactly but the fact that she does not know period ....

What bothers me is the fact that it was stated , we agreed if ever contact he would tell her ,,,,

And now even though false alarm (was not her) I see he has no intention of ever even if opertunity came to tell her ....

YES am I unhappy with this very much so ...

Yes we have fun , yes we enjoy one another ,,,getting to know one another well never was a problem we know each other ... date , cuddle , sf ok not as offten as I would like but it had been getting better ,,,
Calls in the corse of the day ,,, gifts well we have no money but he will down load romantic songs for me and leave the CD'S for me ... parenting major improvement over the past 2 yrs ,,,has even had moments of clearity about A's in the past few months .....

HE is a moody person by nature I always knew this .He looks for me to do everything for him and with him ,,,advice on work ect...

yes theres a very unhappy part inside of me ,, is it worth me giving up my M ???? I do not know sometimes .. probbly not ...

I am an easy person ,, I expect nothing much from people ,,, I really don't ,, I am a team player and go with the flow ...
I understand that he needed to deal with this mess his way for what ever reason and that he hurt me really bad while doing ...

But I always belived if he does it HIS way he couldn't blame me for anything ....He use to have that habit in the past ,,, let me make the desions so if anything goes wrong he would say well we did it your way ...
As far as MB'S ways ,,, lets just say I am happy that BY THE BOOK they worked for you ...

Please keep in mind that alot of us here can't for what ever reason STICK TO THE BOOK as BIBLE !

Each ws and bs know eachothers personality , and know that some of the things here may not work ...
They may imprevise and what ever works is what its about ...

3,

What can I say?

All I can say is that you need not follow MB as a Bible, but if you will , follow the Bible itself.

Just say the serenity prayer hon,

God grant me the serenity to ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, the strength to CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, and the WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

You cannot change the things that have happened. You did not do textbook MB. Me either. LOL. However, you cannot change this.

The very very positive thing is that you H was NOT answering cell phone or even going there for one minute. The healthy thing to do was to PRAISE him for not answering in case it might have been ow after this year of NC.

And by the way, quit YELLING to get your point across to your H. Gentle tone of voiice goes a lot further and is listened to more than YELLING. Big LB.

I know. Ending couldn't have been worse for my FWS and ow. I LY, you will always have a place in my heart, etc. Blah blah blah, barfbarfbaaaarf. LOL. But he is here with me and in love. HAHA HA. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


It will get better, praise that white knight of yours, cause he knows he is no white knight. He lied to ow and has to live with that. Unkown phone #'s are a consequense of lies. I am sorry, but you both have to live with this for a bit longer. It will be over soon. People think of this and that, but if there is no answer, no response, then eventually they are forced to move on.

You have the truth, ow doesn't. Know it. Appreciate it, and know you have the truth with H.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

and ps. I know this was a trigger. But give your H credit for not answering unknowns, cause he is with YOU. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ October 28, 2004, 12:48 AM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

Hey 3--

Don't really have any advice. Just wanted to say I feel for you--that old suspicion is a B***H. Things haven't been so hot over this way either. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Maybe it's the moon or something (as opposed to our H's just being a$$****$).

3ISAC I do not understand WSs and thats a fact.

I realise that as a BS I don't know how I would behave as a WS until I DID that stupid thing BUT from hwere i sit now, if I was a WS and my BS wanted to take me back I would JUMP THOUGH HOOPS to regain trust and love from that person.

I woul dback up my EVERY DEED with evidence, get chaperones, share diaries radical honesty...EVERYTHNG yet this seesm to be the verylast thing most WSs want to do ! They seem to think we should just start trusting them blindly once more.

My own FWW lied during teh A to keep it secret and cover her @ss, but continued lying afterwards - maybe to THIS DAY to 'stop me being hurt', not realising that the lies are the shrapnel of the affair grenade that ripped the most holes in me.

IF ONLY our spouses would support their controverial comments with evidence for a while not only would that gesture show us they are contrite it woul ALSO begin to establish trust for them again.

Your WH is acting like he is hiding something BUT I think almost all WSs do that 3ISAC.

Maybe you could try reversing to him " how would you feel if it was ME behaving in the way You are right now owver these calls, hon ? Would YOU trust me blindly when you fear a return to the madness and pain of the affair or woul dbe happier if I was more gently transparent in my activities ?".

I wonder what he woud say ?

My FWW just shugs and says " I dunno" knowing VERY WELL she wouldn't stand it.

All blessings, be patient but not a doormat.

God grant me the serenity to ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE, the strength to CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, and the WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE


OH MM , as I sat here feeling lonely that I did not get many responses , I woke up and saw these .
I do know you give the cushoined 2x4 to ME <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I have stoped saying that prayer and I guess I should start again ... How does the saying go I can hear you its listening that I have problems with LOL (something like that)

I am happy he is home and for the changes in him . This one has always been a hard one for me to swallow ... and sometimes I think it I can not ingest this one (her not HEARING it from him) that it may one day make the BS who had to D cause I just couldn't move past it ... IT scares me ....

It is so hard for me to maintain being the strong confident one in the M ,,, always saying things will get better blah blah blah ...And I am not yelling as much ,,really LOL Its just that nothing I do to bring this subject up in any way works ,,, talking soft or yelling ,, even silence when something is wrong (ok I don't do that one alot cause my mouth works on auto pilot ) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Yes I did explain that N/C is great , and in a sense he is doing the right thing ,, but my point was WHAT IF ??? comes a day where ya pick by accedent then what ??? he still will not fess up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I know we should not live in WHAT IF ...BUT for a 2 letter word (IF) its powerful ya know ?? LOVE YA WOMEN <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

LB,, whats up my girl ??? better be taken care of you and that H of yours better be taken care of you ,,,, As far as the MOON ,, maybe LOL or H are just [censored] once in awhile like women PMS takes over and that monster in us goes NUTS LOL !

BP,, thanks for the post ,,, I agree with ya ,, If rolls where reversed he would not be pleased ,, and he even says that but on top of it he says I wouldn't be dealing with it cause I would have been GONE if you had an A <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

He knows and admits he could not have nor would he have had any of the strentgh that I did .. He would have tossed me away ,,, and beat the MAN dead ! HONESTY yep ,, He would have lived like that no matter how he felt inside ,,, I know this as well of him ,,, just as I knew him well enough that if I did not let him do this his way he would have left again , because once he broke down to me ,, and begged to come home and laid it all out to me what was going on ,,, he felt any other action from me would have been me turning my back on him in his worst time of need ,,,FOG ,,
NO ,,, my H's personality .. I knew the differance ,,, FOG how he thinks/thought the way he got rid of OW was the right way YES !

NO I never consider myself a doormat ,, when he was lieing to my face years ago and I did nothing to get proff then I did ,,, and when that happens I POP the CORK and blew him up !

See this is annoying cause I can't find anything that suggests new contact or continued contact and I do keep my EYES WIDE OPEN !

Like I stated other than the fact that OW does not have N/C my way things are good ....

YES the normal things like recovery taking longer then I would like and baby steps for him in communication that I have to stay on top of and he gets in moods about one thing and lets it affect everything else ,,, things I would love for him to work on MORE clearly (not just about the A in general )

Also he does take me for granted ,,, but the man admits he does ,,, not like that but the way he says it I am the security in his life ,,, He feels I am and always will be his NET at the bottom of the building should he fall ... and he doesn't want that any other way ...

I again agree WS's weird in the manner of "I would jump through a HOOP, ROLL OVER ,BEG AND anything else IF I did this " Some do ,,, BUT in most our cases there are the ones that well take very long to have the light bulb go on fully !

Its on dim ,,, and the switch is stuck !JMO <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ok I wrote a book , SORRY <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> lately I have been very out of sorts , with much stress of every day life feel like the walls are closing in ...

The up side to all this OW, cell phone crap is...
NOV 3 starts a process for a new job for my H ,,,,
NOT even any where NEAR OW,,, A cell phone that I get the bill for and well all that !

SO very many prayers are need that he pass every phase of the testing ,,, although money is HORRIABLE !!!!! 1/2 the income and I will be working full time if he gets it ,,, IN the day and he will be on NIGHT shift and that will be HRD VERY HARD ,,, but at least the A will look more and more in the past to me ...

3

3,

If your H gets this new job, will it ease some of your fears of renewed contact? If your H is doing this for you then he is doing a lot, especially with the cut in pay.

Sounds like a lot of changes and stresses for you and family if this happens. Are you looking for a job yet, or waiting until you know H has new job?

I am a bit confused on this one, but it sounds like you have a lot of changes coming your way. Are you preparing yourself for that change? My prayers are for you and yours.

Got to go to work <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> , will check back when I get home tonight.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

It is complicated ,,, H loves/loved his job ,, would never have thought of giving it up ....

The job took a DIP when the A hit the fan ,,, lets say H was to FOGGED to relize OTHERS at job new and someone used it as an opertunity to have him located to another building sight ,, Then company was sold ,,,, The catch my H was an out of sight out of mind guy NOW !!
So he is getting NO WHERE and even more duties taken away from him ... My H once in charge does not do well to now being told he HAS a boss for the work he knows ... ANY WHO !

He wanted to change JOBS and yes VERY VERY VERY little part of him say I am also glad to be moving out of the area and the phone, beeper that OW has so YOU (ME) can get past this faster !

YES I am prparing myself mentaly for the changes that will take place ... I do not mind working never had a probblem with it ,,, BUT I do have a problem with my kids being watched by anyone ...

They are in school from 8 to 2;20... on wend..8to 12 and just about 1 or 2 times a month theres a 11am dissmisal ... BUT

If H gets this he will be 11to7am
I am looking for the bak type of job (when H gets this )a 9 to 3 or even 5 some days ...

I take them he pickes up .... I will also have enough time to cook for him before he goes ... and of corse all the other stuff activitys , and the HOUSE !

We are talking about it alot , don't want hopes to get up there but we are talking ...I am talking about the M part of it as well ...That scares me most ... when will we be US ya know ..

and this job is 90% males he will work with LOL

I know there are women around but good odds (just kidding OW didn't even work with him )

So yes the MONEY is not the right move but the job has much potential to improve that and H will take every test he can to move up ,,, After all he feels I can make it happen for him ... LOL

will it ease my fear of contact well YES ,,, will I always feel where theres a will theres a way YES ,,,, I read alot of TOW post and man when a HO wants your man they make it possiable well and so does the WS if thats what they want to be !

Thanks for checking back MM ,,, Always love talkin with ya ...

3,

Sounds like you are getting your prayers answered. No cell for possible ow contact.

My FWS's cell went by the wayside when we were not blessed financially for it and had to shut it off. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I notice we have both been financially 'challenged' by the big bad A. Could be a blessing in disguise.

Thanks for caring that I care for you, and I do. For you and yours. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Love in Christ,
Miss M

3,

And by the way, when was the last time you prayed that God would give ow another Man, that would fullfill all those needs of hers, so you all could be done with this? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Just being there for u. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

ps. just to give you a hard time, I WILL bump it up for your reply.

what is it that you fear....really really fear...


not nebulous feely stuff...

the concrete fear....

list the top three....

no emotion to follow the factual fear statement...

the other global issue in the environment and pattern that is so readily slipped in to...

the instant yelling on both parts...
the instant name calling and knee jerk reactions...

this not just a infidelity issue...but a marital issue....
the patterns of conflict that serve no purpose in addressing the root...

we all do it...
it's comfortable and the easiest thing...
you do it...I do it...your husband does it...my husband does it....

ARK

3,

You have always helped me in the past. I can't think of a time when you didn't come out and post me when I was really really down.

These A's suck big time as well all know. And I am not trying to scare you or make things worse. I just wanted to tell you that my FWH's A was enabled by him being on a different shift than me. This probably won't be the case in your life, but it was in mine. I was on days with the kids. He was on the 3-11 pm shift. I was so tired after doing everything myself every night that I just went to bed and slept soundly. So when he started coming in at 3am I had no idea. I thought he was still coming home at midnight and when I did see he was late, he would say it was overtime. Of course I had no sense to not trust him at the time.

Mostly what I am saying is watch the off shift thing. You tend to spend less time together, less time working as a team with the kids, less family time. More time being tired, more time being alone and with others.

I hope things settle down for you a little. I have always wished the best for you.

Prayers.

HINY

Ark,,, Not sure I understand but will give it my best ...FEAR.3 top fears ...

Had to dig for this and be real so is this what your asking for :

1-That H and OW would have contact with out me KNOWING

2- That he is to scared to tell me that he may LOVE the OW , but FEARS how my life will turn out .

3- That the A took apart of his heart from me that I will never get back ,,, and I wouldn't want him to be with me if it wasn't all about me .

I guess that sums most of it up , I mean there are fears inside that I feel will always be there every day things Health , kids well being , ect...

But pertaining to the recovery of our M ..
that is the fears ... If I understood your questions right ...

HINY ,,, thank you for posting and yes I think about those things as well in regards to new job possiablity ,,, BUT with the hours thing and useing over time as excuse I feel I could see that through the pay check ,,, the job is not a management position so he would pay hourly and I would he all pay stubs as I always do ...

So the time away would have to add up , I am very good with payroll (use to do some when I worked ) the job he currently has is flat pay and hours are on demand with management so you can use the time away (like he did) to sneak around ... this would be different ,,, very traceable ...

Yes can anyone get away with a few minutes to talk or say hi on the way home or there ,,?YES ...

Also cell phone would be one with me now no company thing ... I choose it I get the bill for it .. I am concerned about our time spent together and have spoken about it already with him ... BUT only time will tell when we start living it !

MM , LOL about praying for OW to find a man ,, now you know me of course I am ,, I pray evey day she find someone to fall madly in love with get M , have another child and he CHEATS on her and she catchs them in bed together <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> HER world is rocked and she has a nervous breakdown and can not function ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

OK so I still have issue with her ,, I don't lie about it ,,, thats a good step ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

And before I am spit up and chewed out I do not obsess about these things I just make sure I pray every night like a good girl before bed . It does not stop me from functioning .

Week end was ok ,, nothing out of control ,, weight thing becoming an issue for me again and I am going to get it under control this time cause I get very nasty about myself because of it ...

IT is another fear ARK ! I will get fat again and he will leave me ! for that reason !