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Joined: Sep 2004
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KMEJ Offline OP
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I went back to work after being off for Christmas break to find a e-mail from my supervisor saying we need to talk immediately. SO I go upstairs and get informed that I am not keeping up on my work and that others are complaining because I am asking them to help since they were complaining they were bored and just standing around talking! Claiming I spend most of my day on-line <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> (I go on and post and read a few times a day, but usually while I could multi-task- or during my Lunch). Anyway we talked and I explained to her that my work load was almost twice as much as others who are doing my same job, just my schools are busier. She said she would look into it, but that I was on "notice" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> and that she would be asking questions. So that set my day off just great.

Then when I was in my car on my way to one of my schools, I called H to ask if 6:00 would work for him to be home for DS8 and DS2 (well soon to be) birthday parties. Keep in mind that I told him almost 3 weeks ago the date of the party and asked him to take the day off! H yells at me that he can not take off everyday that I ask him too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (I do not ask for many- and his brother asked him on Christmas if he could get January 4th off-tomorrow- for his birthday dinner, and guess what- yep he tool it off!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ) I calmly replyed- However you can take off every Thursday for bowling, two days for your friends Christmas party, your brothers birthday, and ... He hung up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . I did not call him back as I was crying- my day was rather sucky.

Then I get home to lunch still sitting on the stove, not cleaned up- newspaper everywhere (thanks Mikey!) basically nothing done to help- and H and kids downstairs watching a movie- I doubt they even know I am home yet, as I did not go down.

My love bank for H is so low at this point. I am not sure if it is because of my crummy day at work, and H's lack of interest, telling me it was my fault and to suck it up, or the fact that the party I have been planning I now have to cancel because H refuses to be a father and put his children first (I had to take that day off too, do you see me complaining?) or the fact that H takes total advantage of me and gives so little in return. I see at this point no real hope for us and that scares me.

I do not know if I should just go ahead with the party plans and too bad H can't attend- he says he will not take off any day for the party <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> If it lands on a day he gets off then great <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> - of if I should just cancel it, save myself the hassle and take the boys out and do something fun- just us to celebrate.- Any suggestions????

I am hurt, angry, Irate, confused, and completely untrusting at this moment. Probably better H is down stairs or my mood would probably get worse.

Sorry I will stop venting now.

<small>[ January 03, 2005, 04:42 PM: Message edited by: KMEJ ]</small>

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Now H says that he will take Sunday off but not Saturday- and it can not interfer with the play-offs <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . I already sent the invitations- and the only reason he will is the off chance the Vikings make it to the second round, and he would take that day off anyway. Football before kids, great.
I am angry- H says I have no right to be.

On a good note, DS(almost)8 has his first loose tooth, and is VERY exited! Here come the toothless grins!

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im so sorry you have had such a bad day. remember stick to your boundries with h.
you dont deserve his crap.
i cant believe he is being so sh1tty about your kids b-day party. i wish there was something i could do, but the ball is in your court. if you ever need anything just summon me up, im here all day 8-5 central. im good at giving advice but not good at taking.
be strong, for the tornadoes sake.

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Thanks Dalson,
I am trying to be strong, right now I am just frustrated with how things stand. I am sticking to my boundaries, and they are helping. I am having a hard time with hurt feelings when I see how many people H puts in front of the kids and I. I am struggleing, and trying to stay within MB principals. With this one, I just do not know how to proceed in a non LB'ing way, as I want to tell H exactly what I think of what he is doing and how he is handleing it. URG.

Other then work and H today, I have been doing pretty well. I have been enjoying my three little tornadoes, and the brisk (ok- COLD) Minnesota weather. I have made a new years resolution to live more for what I need then others (minus my children) oh and the typical eat heathier <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> already blew that one with all the treats at work today... Start new again tomorrow- good plan! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I went back to work after being off for Christmas break to find a e-mail from my supervisor saying we need to talk immediately. SO I go upstairs and get informed that I am not keeping up on my work and that others are complaining because I am asking them to help since they were complaining they were bored and just standing around talking! Claiming I spend most of my day on-line (I go on and post and read a few times a day, but usually while I could multi-task- or during my Lunch). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">KMEJ,

At the risk of being out of line, I am going to admit that I wondered what type of job you had that allowed for your posting so much. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I also wondered how you could post so much...have 2 jobs...be 100% responsible for the house..and for the kids.

There...I said it.

You have been a member for 3 months...and have 1100 posts! That's an "average" of 12 posts a day. To *me* that would be excessive.

I have been concerned for awhile that the forum has so much of your time and attention...and that it has prevented you from doing what you need to be doing IRL.

Please don't ignore what your supervisor is saying and don't get defensive. I think there might be some validity there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I am sure that if I am out of line that people will tell me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

JMHO
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I agree at work it was a little much. However I am a fast reader and typer, and it did not take me long to post. At home I read and post during my kids cartoon hour- or if they are out side playing, and then after they are in bed. I clean after that. I work M-F at one job and then F and S at the other. I multi-task well- and I was not on very much the last few days. I agree that the work part needs to be cut out, I got addicted, and I knew that that is why I was trying to cut down over the weekend so the pull would not be there when I went to work today. I was behind in work, and that was why I decided it needed to be cut back. however I was still doing more then most others that have my same job- but they know I am efficent and how much I am capable of completeing, and that had slipped this year- due to my addiction to this place. I guess I let myself do it because I no longer enjoy my job and it was an escape, now back to regular scheduled broadcasting...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I also feel I have spent less time with my children in the last few months- but with coming here and letting my frustrations out and getting support our time has been better. Kind of a double edged sword.

I have decided to try and cut down the amount of time I put into this place.

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you do need to take care of your duties at work 1st and foremost, try and not post unless something happens that drags you into depression and you need to talk. again im good at giving advice but not taking. im probably as high up on the post chain as you.

as far as your r you take care of yourself and kids. im about to believe there is no help for your h. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> i pray that for your and the kids sake there is, but i cant see how anyone person can be that selfish.

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K,

My work suffered for well over a year after dday. My sitch is different than yours, but I must stress to you that from the boss's viewpoint, you are wasting time. Doesn't matter what everyone else is doing or how much work they have to do compared to yours -- they are complaining and that is all she knows. You can pay a heavy price for this and that is all you need right now.

I would suggest you completely stop posting at work and view your work time as a "break" from it all. Cartoon time is a good time to post. Or after cleaning. I have had to limit my posting to after-hours, too, and it really helped me get my butt back in gear. The consequences are not worth it to me.

Hope this helps.

~ Snow

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Thank you for shareing your story with me Snowbelle. I agree with you, and had already come to that conclusion- it is just hard. I had to resist several times today to just "check in". I made it through the day- however now I have no trust for my fellow co-workers- as they could have shared their concerns with me just as effectively- instead of going higher up first. I have decided to not only not post during the work day- but also not socialize at all as well. I have no trust or good faith at the moment, and so unless H gets his promotion soon or I find a better/different job it will be me checking out socially, and all business, at least for the moment- until I feel resolve or I no longer work there. I realize this may not be the best policy- but I feel betrayed at the moment by people who were suposidly my friends as well as colleges, and this is how I am choseing to deal. Feel free to bring the 2x4's if I am totally out of line- I would hate to do more harm then good.

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I'll agree with the others about posting at work. I think that your co-workers were right to go to your boss with their concerns, that was the proper chain of command. I'm sure you feel betrayed about it now, but when you stop posting at work, you will begin to see that multi-tasking or not, it is not appropriate.

OK, with that said, I would go ahead with the party as planned. You said that the invitations have been mailed, that seals the deal. Do NOT plan on your H helping at the party or attending, deal with that later. At this point, the important thing is to celebrate your son's birthday and leave him out of the personal drama surrounding it.

You said in your other thread that your H is against birthday parties anyway and was not very supportive. Do this for your son.

What is the party plan? Do you need additional adult supervision without your H? If so, call a friend and ask if she can step in and help you out. DO NOT let your H's bad additude affect the party for the sake of the children.

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KMEJ - While I understand the "need" and the "motivation" to read and post while at work, you are in effect "stealing" from your employer when you do that. It's one of the reasons that most companies don't allow phone calls, surfing the net, etc. while "on the clock."

Yes, you may be more efficient than others, but you are not judged by what others can do, only by what you can do. So what they are doing or not doing is just and "excuse" and a "justification" for what you were doing. Your boss did what he should do, as a "good boss," he mentioned it to you in a non-threatening manner so that you are aware that the behavior is unacceptable "on the job." Yes, occasional exceptions can, and are, made in "emergency" situations, but the job assigment must get done, and if not by you, then my one or two others, or however many it takes to do the job. Cold, I know. But that IS what business is all about. On the other hand, if you want to be self-employed, you can devote your time as you see fit with only yourself (and maybe your spouse) to answer to.

I am self-employed, and I also know that I have "used" work-time to read and post. The MB site IS addictive and habit forming. Early on, it's needed and understood. After that, we all need to try to be a little more "rationing" of our time, before MB becomes a "problem" and not a "help."

God bless.


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