No Mas, (love your name and ironically during a recent moment of frustration I remember thinking to myself..'no mas, no mas!'.. and then you appeared yesterday with your response to my post!)

I just wanted to say thanks for being there yesterday.. for your words of support and advice, for suggestions, and for making me feel as if I'm not just some awful human being for becoming involved in this EA. You have no idea how much you helped just by posting to me yesterday. On a day I wanted to cry my heart out and was met with criticism and even ridicule, you and several others made me feel as if I could find a way to move forward in my life after the EA.

Along with the guilt and frustrations inherent in an A, my OM and I have both come to realize it's time to find a way to 'let go', despite the strong feelings we have for one another.

I trust that we will succeed because even though we love one another, we love our spouses and families even more, and know they take priority over our own selfish wants. Yes, it took awhile to get to that point, but I am thankful we are there now. I believe we will find the strength to maintain NC even though it will be difficult to say goodbye. As much as I would love some type of friendship with this man, I know we crossed the line and can never go back to that type of relationship..not now.

Yes I do plan to continue reading here and have read some of your old posts, which I found interesting and very helpful. I could relate amazingly well to so much of what you had to go through. It has given me hope to read about what you experienced.

Even though I know it will be difficult and heart wrenching to let go, I welcome moving into the 'light' and a new found freedom for my life.

Thanks again so much!
fm

<small>[ January 25, 2005, 03:00 PM: Message edited by: finding_myself ]</small>

Your welcome.

Maybe you can hold to His promise that He can 'raise beauty up out of the ashes'. It is what I hold on to.

Best of luck to you.

No Mas,

That is a beautiful thought to hold onto.

Thanks again,
fm

"(So FM...

Should we be worried about your deleting here? You still reading? And have you found someone you can talk to and confide in? I hope so. Whatever you do, don't retreat back into that tunnel of despair. If you need to talk more here, do it. Hoping you can find the strength you need. I know it's not easy. Believe me, I know.)"

NoMas it is kind of you to think about me. I wanted to let you know that I am reading everything I can ..at this board, books, and anything I can to help me find the peace of mind I have been looking for for so long.

NC began last week after a short conversation with the OM. We are both in agreement that we want to move on with our lives, and keep our marriages safe. We parted amicably and without anger, the way I wanted things to end. I am not kidding myself.. I dont think it will be a piece of cake to get through withdrawals but I do know the right and only decision was to end our EA. I truly want to get my life back and be a good wife from here on.

I want to include something I found in a search this morning. Wonderful advice from you several years ago. I hope it is ok if I include your post here. If not, please let me know and I will delete it.

{ Topic: Withdrawl Support...."THE LIST"
NoMas
Member posted May 11, 2000 07:36 AM

"(This is just an ideal....a suggestion...to help those who are trying to get through the withdrawl of breaking off contact with the infamous "OP"
Realizing this is a very strong "hold" on hurting hearts, and understanding and believeing that the "TRUTH WILL SET US FREE", perhaps we could start a running list of "Truth" statements...that we could keep coming back to for
...reading...digesting...meditating on...and reminding us as often as we need.

I am thinking that much of the success in this has to do with "re-focusing"!

Let us try and keep them brief and to the point.

To all that have known the pain of being betrayed, betraying, breaking off contact, or just knowing the pain that a human heart can suffer...PLEASE...bring on the TRUTH.

And remember...we are to "speak the truth in Love"...

1) We made a vow to God and our spouse to "forsake all others" until death do us part.

2) If we really "love" the OP like we say we do, we will do what is best for them. "Love does not seek it's own way."

3) It may not show or be as obvious as our own pain, but our spouses are hurting also.

Please...begin to add to this as you see fit.)"}

You are an inspiration to me NoMas. Thanks for your encouragement and support during a very confusing time for me.
fm

Hey FM

Glad you found that post helpful. Man, what a time warp to read that again. No need to delete it.

I still can't urge you enough to find an anchor to help you keep your momentum going. You can have periods of time where you feel like you can make it, and then BOOM, the bottom will fall out on you and a tsunami of emotions will rock you back when you least expect it. I wrote the book on all that for sure. *smile*

Anyway...I guess it's all a matter of perspective and keeping the focus. The thing that you have to really keep telling yourself is that if you really, truly do believe in your heart that it is 'love' that you feel for the OP, which most will argue is 'fog talk' here, then let me exhort you that genuine true love will always do what is best for others and not seek to please self', as I guess you read here.

I don't recall how long you said you and the OM have been close to each other, but if you haven't found out already, it really is not as easy to break away as it was to slide into this dilema to begin with.


Anyway...glad you are moving forward.

blessings to you.

<small>[ January 26, 2005, 07:12 AM: Message edited by: NoMas ]</small>