Hi Gang,<P>Things are (seemingly) going well for me (in the recovery from my wife's affair) however the pesky OM is still a 'friend' or more to my W and still in the picture.<P>I'm about at the stage where I ask her to choose to give up contact with him - but because this will rock the boat a lot, I want to know all your best reasons she should(both for my strength and also to convince her).<P>Sure, it's obvious to all of us betrayed, and to all enlightened betrayers WHY the OP should be cut completely out of the picture. But what can you say to a betrayer to convince them? (thanks)<P>Richard

Because,,,,,,<BR> It hurts you<BR> It's temptation<BR> It rubs it in your face<BR> It makes you constantly have to be "on guard"<BR> It brings back visual images<BR> It revives painful memories<BR> It constantly challenges your trust<BR>And I could go on and on. I couldn't bear to have the OW still in the picture, in any way, shape or form.Ideally I would have had her removed from the face of this earth. Unfortunately, that wasn't possible . I needed all evidence of her removed, and that even included any of his friends that aided him in the affair and lied to me. They were no longer my friends and had no place in our life. He is not "your" friend.The recovery of a broken marriage and broken heart is sooo difficult. The only people you need to be involved with at this time are people that support the two of you in the efforts to restore your marriage. Clearly, he does not fit the bill.

Ditto Nerly, and... Professional therapists say so!!!!!!! You can quote the section in After the Affair by Janis Abrams Spring, and Dr. H has a section on-line on ending the affair, and no doubt in his book as well (I don't have his book)... I have relied heavily on professional guidelines, personally. You have to figure there is a certain amount of sickness in your W and possibly the relationship too for this to have happened, and you/she need to follow all the "prescriptions" for healing.<P>Good luck!!!!!!

it's just too hard...it kicks up all that anxiety, falling to a million pieces feeling, lump in the throat, physical ache...<BR>although as you probably know from this forum, the OW is an active part of our lives still..i too have tried to give him that 'ultimatum' but end up backing down...i feel my last resort would just be to leave..i can't fight about it any more so i try to make the best of it...it is a very painful reminder, i could be much more secure and better if she weren't in the picture. they just don't understand how it feels inside.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Kellie<BR>There's no place that far.<BR>

I can only repeat what Nerlycrzy said. Once again she and I feel exactly the same way.