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bump


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Mortarman;
Let me tell you a little bit about my sitch.
I am FWW, it's been more than 2 years with total and complete NC. My H says he is done....he doesn't 'feel' like he wants to work on our M and that he is with me because of the kids.....that he is not interested in a relationship with me.
I am Christian and I am repentant for what I did to God my H and my kids.....there was/is a lot of pain.

For the past months I have been trying and trying for my H to forgive me for I have done. I have done everything humanly possible (or so I thought). This past weekend I cried out to God and ask him what I was doing wrong. There was no answer at that very moment.
The next day, somebody told me that I had not worked on the things that my H needed me to change.....I asked what were those....I certainly had changed spiritually, I had matured.
The Lord revealed to me that those spiritual changes he did not recognize them or did not understand them because he is not Christian. And the most important thing that I needed to change was the time I spend with my family, especially with my kids, that there was very little time spent there (on my part). That men did not like that....(true??)
I work full time, go to school and I am doing my internship in a shelter for battered women. I do not have a lot of time to do pretty much anything else.
Well, the Lord pretty much revealed that I needed to give up my school, to give up my career.....I was telling him that I was afraid and to give me a sign....then I come to this forum and I read this;
 Quote:
Giving up my career was very painful. It was everything to me for most of my adult life. I had in almost 10 years before I met my wife. My career predated my wife. Giving it up was a sacrifice. And she has noticed. It is probably the MOSt important thing I have done that brought us back fro the brink of divorce...my sacrifice for her...even while she was actively running away from me.


OMG!! I can not believe this.....you have NO idea!! this is incredible....I am so happy that I found this....I know is going to hurt!!...but now I know the Lord is hearing my prayers!!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you very much!!
A.

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bump!


I am a 32 yr old betrayed husband.
My wayward wife is 31.
Married 3.5 years.
Found out about affair when it started around 10/1/08.
Affair started as emotional via internet, then went physical.
Wife moved out on 12/27/08.
I filed for legal separation to get visitation with my son--wife countered with big D but now says she is in no hurry to finalize the D??
Currently in Plan A.
3 yr-old son.
7 yr-old step son.
11 yr-old step daughter.
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Bump because this is that good, and a request of the Mortorman:

May I take your relevent posts from this thread and put them in a document to share with my married friends?


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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Angie,

Sorry I didnt see your post before now. I am glad you are listening to the Lord. He will direct your path, wherever that may lead.

I do not know what He would have you do specifically (e.g. leaving your career, school, etc). You will need to listen to Him.

I do know from what little I know of your sitch that you have put all of these things before your husband. And whether he is a believer or not, you cannot do that. As it says in the text above. Your husband will be won through your behavior, through your submission to what the Lord has asked of you.

Might I suggest more discussion on this here and with your pastor. On all of this. And of course, the primary way you will know His will is through prayer (as you have been doing).

I learned to ask this prayer when I didnt quite know what His will was: "Lord, I am not sure of your will here. So, I am trying to make the best decision possible. I am trusting you to put up a wall if this is the wrong direction...and to open a door if it is the right one."

And then, I would step forward on faith!

No matter what happens with your husband, the Lord will take care of you, if you follow His will.

Isnt it amazing what happens when we let go and let God???


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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 Originally Posted By: canwemakeit
Bump because this is that good, and a request of the Mortorman:

May I take your relevent posts from this thread and put them in a document to share with my married friends?


Canwemakeit...you are free to post or print at will. Most of this was a recounting of a series of sermons I heard.

Hope it will help!


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
Joined: Jan 2008
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 Quote:
Might I suggest more discussion on this here and with your pastor


Well, unfortunately I can not do that at church. Our church is a mega-church and as you can Imagine my pastor doesn't know me personally.
I have two godly women that I pray with and they both have told me that this decision is very good for my family.

 Quote:
I learned to ask this prayer when I didnt quite know what His will was: "Lord, I am not sure of your will here. So, I am trying to make the best decision possible. I am trusting you to put up a wall if this is the wrong direction...and to open a door if it is the right one."

And then, I would step forward on faith!


I am actually asking for this....I am eager to hear from the Lord. You know today is not a good day for me. As I have been seeing that my H has hardened his heart towards me.
He does not care about any single thing that I do or say...I feel like quitting but I know my feelings are not reliable either.
I think I have lost hope for this M.
Please feel free to give any advice or to ask questions if you wish.

Thanks,
Angie

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Angie,

Bump your thread up and we can do it there!


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 90
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 Quote:
Angie,

Bump your thread up and we can do it there!


Mortarman;
I do not have a thread, I felt I had nothing to say, nothing to contribute. What was I gonna say? "I'm a FWW and my H doesn't want to do anything with me and I do not know what to do"

I guess I did not want anybody to tell me my M had no hope, I am/was holding to the hope and to my faith and the promises that my Lord has given me.

You know, not everybody is going to understand that, that is the very reason I do not go to C. They will tell me that it takes 2 to work in a M.
Sorry I know is not a very good moment to vent right now. \:\(

Angie

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 Originally Posted By: angie1718
 Quote:
Angie,

Bump your thread up and we can do it there!


Mortarman;
I do not have a thread, I felt I had nothing to say, nothing to contribute. What was I gonna say? "I'm a FWW and my H doesn't want to do anything with me and I do not know what to do"

I guess I did not want anybody to tell me my M had no hope, I am/was holding to the hope and to my faith and the promises that my Lord has given me.

You know, not everybody is going to understand that, that is the very reason I do not go to C. They will tell me that it takes 2 to work in a M.
Sorry I know is not a very good moment to vent right now. \:\(

Angie


Angie,

You are not unique. Neither is your husband! So, you need to stop thinking this way. Added to that, you do need your own thread. Many here have been thru what you and your husband have gone thru and are going thru.

Many times, I found God's voice here. So, please start your own thread and lets talk!!


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 90
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 Quote:
So, please start your own thread and lets talk!!


Ok....done....Thanks,

Angie

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OK, this may sound kinda weird and all but this is something I was wondering MM. This post as part of a husband's job in marriage:

Becoming Your Wife's Sanctifier...(Ephesians 5:25-29)


Does that mean at all helping her to heal the wounds caused by her previous life? Wounds inflicted to her by her parents?


BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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Hey MM,

Peperband told me briefly about your story. She said it's a very inspirational read. She said that you did an awsome plan on your wife with Steve Harley and on the day of the final hearing your wife came around and decided to work on the marriage...

How about a thread with the short version so we can read it... I haven't been able to find your story.


BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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 Originally Posted By: rustyshackelford
OK, this may sound kinda weird and all but this is something I was wondering MM. This post as part of a husband's job in marriage:

Becoming Your Wife's Sanctifier...(Ephesians 5:25-29)


Does that mean at all helping her to heal the wounds caused by her previous life? Wounds inflicted to her by her parents?


Well, of course! You are her pastor. If she needs help, you give it. If you dont have the ability, you get those folks that can help you get the ability (pastor, counselor, etc).


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 4,712
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 Originally Posted By: Amazin
Hey MM,

Peperband told me briefly about your story. She said it's a very inspirational read. She said that you did an awsome plan on your wife with Steve Harley and on the day of the final hearing your wife came around and decided to work on the marriage...

How about a thread with the short version so we can read it... I haven't been able to find your story.


Working on it. Hope to have it up shortly!


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546
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 Originally Posted By: Mortarman
 Originally Posted By: rustyshackelford
OK, this may sound kinda weird and all but this is something I was wondering MM. This post as part of a husband's job in marriage:

Becoming Your Wife's Sanctifier...(Ephesians 5:25-29)


Does that mean at all helping her to heal the wounds caused by her previous life? Wounds inflicted to her by her parents?


Well, of course! You are her pastor. If she needs help, you give it. If you dont have the ability, you get those folks that can help you get the ability (pastor, counselor, etc).


Thanks for your input. WW and I are in therapy right now and while it is doing absolutely NO good for the relationship because she is a WW, it is doing a good job helping me to help her heal her wounds inflicted by her parents. Last week she had a real breakdown in counseling because of the things her dad put her through including wanting to abort her and leaving for vacation the night she almost died from Lukemia. Her parents also used her as a pawn between them and that has hurt her.

We are going through Imago counseling and I am willing to keep it up simply because it is helping me to learn to heal her wounds for her and give her the love she really wants.

My W went through he!! as a child and didnt deserve for me to put her through it again as an adult. I have seen what I need to do to help her.

Thanks again.


BH-me 32
WW-27
Married 5 yrs. together for 8
D2
D7
D-Day:11/10
EA for a week went PA and WW immediately left home leaving everything behind.
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No problem. As I have said...if you trust the Lord, He will show you the way.

One thing though...about counseling. I am a firm believer that counseling that concentrates too much on the past is not good. rehashing things from the past, especially painful things, does what exactly? I have met several counselors and therapists that have said concentrating on the past does nothing but bring up the past. You cant change what happened. All you do is bring back the pain.

Where it does help in a limited extent is to help free a person of some issues of the past.

So, please be careful. I have heard that the healing, many times, is just dropping the past and moving forward. Look at what the Harleys do. Do they concentrate on the past? Well, a little. They list out what needs werent met or what LBs were made. But then they have you get busy on the future doing things different. In counseling with Steve Harley, he doesnt let a spouse, for instance, go on and on about "he did that" or "She didnt do that." Too much discussion of the bad parts of our past just leave use depressed and not wanting to move forward.

The past (the bad parts) is best addressed when we are healthy, not when we are sick.

Just my two cents!


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 383
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 Originally Posted By: Mortarman
 Originally Posted By: Amazin
Hey MM,

Peperband told me briefly about your story. She said it's a very inspirational read. She said that you did an awsome plan on your wife with Steve Harley and on the day of the final hearing your wife came around and decided to work on the marriage...

How about a thread with the short version so we can read it... I haven't been able to find your story.


Working on it. Hope to have it up shortly!


MM, in the meantime can you at least bump your old thread to the top so we can start reading it? Or is it gone for good? Thanks!


I am a 32 yr old betrayed husband.
My wayward wife is 31.
Married 3.5 years.
Found out about affair when it started around 10/1/08.
Affair started as emotional via internet, then went physical.
Wife moved out on 12/27/08.
I filed for legal separation to get visitation with my son--wife countered with big D but now says she is in no hurry to finalize the D??
Currently in Plan A.
3 yr-old son.
7 yr-old step son.
11 yr-old step daughter.
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 546
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The Imago therapy is dealing with issues from the present and the issues from the present drag up parts of the past in childhood automatically. It is kinda weird, she will be talking about something she is feeling and it makes her feel like it did when this or that happened. Then I should be helping her to release it. It's kinda weird but makes some sense at the same time. Not too much stuff from the past, just how the present issues drag those old memories up and the old memories need to be done away with. Am I making any sense? lol

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 Originally Posted By: rustyshackelford
The Imago therapy is dealing with issues from the present and the issues from the present drag up parts of the past in childhood automatically. It is kinda weird, she will be talking about something she is feeling and it makes her feel like it did when this or that happened. Then I should be helping her to release it. It's kinda weird but makes some sense at the same time. Not too much stuff from the past, just how the present issues drag those old memories up and the old memories need to be done away with. Am I making any sense? lol


You are.

Another question...is your wife saved?


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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