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Your Dad is a very wise man!

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Your Dad is a very wise man!




I think so


Dorry (aka Deeplysorry)
me FWW - EA/PA fall of 2004
FWH EA/PA late spring 2005
Got our acts together July 2005 and started recovery.

The Recovery Guide for WW's (Wayward Wives)
Dorry's Story

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Submitting to your husband...(1 Peter 3:1-6)

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any {of them} are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be {merely} external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but {let it be} the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.”


A story was told about two women that had escaped from prison. After they had gotten outside the fence, the guards found out and they took off in hot pursuit. As the guards and the dogs closed in on them, the first woman decides to climb up a tree and hide. The second woman, seeing, what she had done, decides to climb up a different tree.

When the guards arrived, the dogs came to the tree with the first woman and began barking loudly. In a panic, the first woman decided to try to throw off the dogs by making a sound like a bird…a cooing sound. “Coo, coo.” At the bottom of the tree, the guard pulled back on the leash and said “let’s go, there’s nothing but a dumb bird up there. Once they left the first woman, they came upon the tree that the second woman was in and began to bark wildly again. The second woman, who had heard what the first woman done, asked herself “What sound should I make?” And then it came to her, and she let out a loud “Moo, moo.”

Cows don’t live in trees!! You see, when you are confused about your role, you wind up making the wrong noise at the wrong time in the wrong place. A lot of women are making a lot of noise. Complaining about their husbands…complaining about what is wrong with their man. When they have forsaken and neglected their Biblical roles. They’re “mooing” when they ought to be “cooing.”

In Ephesians 5:33, we saw in the early part of this study, the roles defined for husbands and wives:

“Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must {see to it} that she respects her husband.”

A man is commanded to love his wife, even when he doesn’t like her. And a wife is commanded to respect her husband, even if she doesn’t like him. Many women are learning their role in the home from the wrong people. Too much TV…and too many girlfriends. They are picking up their data from everybody but God.

Many of our ladies were raised in homes where there was no man, or raised in a matriarchal home where there mother was in charge and think that this is how their home is supposed to be. So because their momma ran their home, they think they should be running this one.

A woman is to respect her husband. Many men are bad husbands because they are married to bad women. Women that are operating far outside of God’s standard. Which reminds me of the true story of Winston Churchill and Lady Aster, who both served in Parliament together. Both hated each other. One day Lady Aster said to Churchill, “If I was your wife, I would put arsenic in your tea.” Winston Churchill responded, “And if I was your husband, I’d drink it!”

Now before some of you get into this and say that this is again a negative view of women, I want to again pose that this study will discover all marriages. Of course, if your marriage is following the Lord, then many of these problems do not apply to you because you are heeding God’s standards.

God commands a woman to reverence her husband. The concept of reverence is to hold in high esteem…to awe. To elevate. You see ladies, men don’t NEED your love. They want your love, and they will receive your love. But that isn’t what they need. While you like hearing “I love you,” we like hearing “I respect you.” Without respect, men shrivel up and die. In fact, it is our greatest need and highest motivator to do a better job caring for you.

Let’s make this clear…respect is NOT optional, just like love is not optional for the husband. A husband is supposed to love his wife, even if he isn’t into it. Because it is an act of the will. Respect is an act of the will, as you will see.

That raises the question: “God wants me to respect my husband…how do I do that?”

1 Peter 3:1-2, gives the first way that you respect your husband. “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any {of them} are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”

The first way that a wife reverences her husband is through her submission. Now, some of you are ready to close this screen down right now because this word is a hated word. And the reason it is hated is because its meaning is not understood, or been misused. Submission isn’t a bad word…but when bad people take a good word and make it bad, then it becomes bad.

Many groups like NOW protest that this word makes women second class citizens. But the President of NOW expects the VP of NOW to submit to her. She has no problem with her VP submitting to her!

If you are at work ladies, and you have people working for you…and then they don’t submit to them…you go off! Because you are the one in charge. You see, the word is only bad in an arena we want it to be in. It’s God’s word, so it cannot be bad.

It is from a Greek word meaning to line up underneath. And it is a voluntary word, which means that you submit by choice.

The best way to illustrate this word submit is with a Yield sign. If you come to an intersection, and you have a yield sign…and then you insist “I don’t have to yield, I got here first.” Then you set yourself for a major collision. Because if another car has the right-of-way, and you refuse to yield…then your rebellion will lead to a major collision.

We are having major collisions in our homes because of women who refuse to submit. Now I know what some of you are saying: “I’m smarter than my husband, I’m more educated than my husband, I make more money than my husband, I have more common sense than my husband. I cant submit to him!”

Well, let’s suppose a tractor trailer was coming up the onramp to the highway and had the yield sign. And on the interstate was a VW Bug. Now, the tractor trailer has more stuff…it is bigger than the VW. But the VW has the right-of-way. Can the 18 wheeler say “Because I have more than you have, you must stop on the highway and let me on?” No. If there is an accident, it will be the 18 wheeler ticketed because even though it has more stuff, it is operating illegitimately.

Submission has nothing with how much you bring to the table. It has nothing to do with your education, or money. It has to do with God’s ordained roles. To submit is to recognize that God has given the role of the wife in the marriage the yield sign.

Now, I know what you are thinking: “That’s not fair.” So let me also add that the husband must also yield. The Bible says that the husband is under Christ, so the husband has to yield also. Everybody has to yield.

Submission has to do with FUNCTION, not BEING. It has nothing to do with your internal value or essence. It does not signify weakness, inferiority or passivity. How could it be if it is the Word of God?

The woman in Proverbs 31, the most glorious woman described in the Bible, is not some imbecilic water girl, waiting for instruction because she has no brain power, no skills. No, she has her MBA because it says she is negotiating with merchants from afar. She has her real estate license, because it says that she is buying and selling land. She manages the family checkbook, because it says that she writes out from her resources. She has her own ministry, because it says that she ministers to the poor. So this is a glorious woman. But the point of the text is that this woman’s husband has totally benefited by her submission to his leadership role.

So, submission doesn’t mean that you give up who you are. It does mean that after everything is on the table, and a decision has to be made…you have the Yield sign. It is your responsibility to yield to the final decision of your husband.

Now, you are saying “How often should I do this?” Ephesians 5:22-24 states “Wives, {be subject} to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself {being} the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives {ought to be} to their husbands in everything.” The Bible says that the wife is to subject herself to her husband in every classification of life. This is a broad principle in the Bible. It says that people are to submit to God, employees are to submit to employers, church members are to submit to pastors. In everything, with one exception.

What is the one exception? When the one that you are submitting to, overrules the one they should be submitting to. Every wife has an “out” when it comes to submission. That is if your husband is calling you to do something that is against the Lord and His word, then you do not have to submit. For it says that a wife ought to submit to her husband, AS TO THE LORD.

Submission has nothing to do with your equality. Every woman is equal to every man. He says this in verse 7: “You husbands in the same way, live with {your wives} in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” A fellow means equal. And equal heir. Submission is not talking about equality, it is talking about doing a program.

The reason God creates hierarchy or a chain-of-command is because he is about doing a program. In this case, the program is the “ongoingness” of the home. And for a home to go well, like an army to go well, like a business to go well, like a government to go well…there must be a chain-of-command. And the woman is called to submit. The man is too, to Jesus Christ. But the woman is called to submit to her husband.

How do you do this? What is the manner of this submission? The Bible describes this relationship as the same as the relationship between a head and a body. Look at 1st Corinthians 11:3: “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” So whatever this submission thing is goes straight to the Godhead.

The Bible declares Jesus the Son is equal to His Father. But at the same time it declared that He was here to do God’s will. How can Jesus be equal to God on one hand, and submissive to God on the other? Easy. His equality has to do with His essence, His submission has to do with His function. His equality has to do with the fact that He has all the attributes of His Father, but His submission has to do with Him carrying out the program of salvation.

Wives, you are equal to your husbands in EVERY way. You were created in the image of God, you have the same grace of God bestowed upon you on salvation, you’re made of the same basic materials. But when it comes to the program of the family, you are to yield to his headship. The husband is the head of the wife.

So, let’s investigate that. What is the job of the head? The job of the head is to give guidance to the body. The job of the body is to follow the lead of the head. My fingers are typing now, not because of their own will. It is because my head is telling them to type. They are typing, not because they decided to go out and do their own thing…they are typing because my head said for them to do so.

If my head tells my fingers to stop, and my fingers keep typing…I need a doctor!! If I get up from the table and start walking, and my head says “Don’t walk anymore” and my body decides to walk anyway: “Head, you aren’t going to tell me what to do”…then I’m sick. When you see folks with involuntary body movements, what do you say? “What’s wrong with you? Something has to be wrong, because that isn’t normal.”

Here it is…a wife who refuses to yield to her husband is spiritually sick. Hold it now. If your body doesn’t respond to your head, do you need a doctor? When a wife does not yield to her husband, she needs a spiritual doctor because she is spiritually sick. She is not functioning in line with a body’s relationship with its head.

When a wife will not yield to her husband (unless he is leading her from Christ), God will not respond to the woman. Many of you ladies are not getting your prayers answered because of your refusal to submit. And God will never respond to rebellion.

Many a man here (which doesn’t excuse him from not taking his leadership role) is discouraged from taking his rightful leadership role because he is sleeping with the enemy. Everyday he comes home to a woman who has made up her mind that my job in life is to find out where you are taking me, and go the other way. “I am not going to follow you. I am not going to submit to you. I am not going to recognize you as my leader. I am not going to honor you as my leader. I am not going to do it. I aint having no man telling me what to do.”

It was because Eve refused to recognize Adam’s headship, that this whole world is messed up today. She started talking to snakes! Now, Adam is ultimately responsible because he yielded. But it was set up because Satan did the great reversal. He made Adam the wife, Eve the husband…and all hell broke loose. Ladies, if you are the head of your home, you have invited the Devil to take over your family. And the Devil has taken over many a family because the wife has refused to submit to the legitimate Biblical authority of their husband. And so, there is spiritual dysfunction.

Your husband is your head! Your body is to look to your head for direction, clarification and inspiration. Satan wants to create things in your life to keep you from doing that. He wants to bring people into your life that are going to tell you “Well honey…I wouldn’t take that from him…I’d leave him if I were you.”

Your submission has a lot to do with how much of God that you see in your home. Because God will not help, participate in, strengthen, or bless an environment of rebellion. A wife not submitted to her husband is not submitted to God. I don’t care how many church services you go to, how many prayer meetings you participate in. If you are in rebellion to your husband, God says…you are in rebellion to Me. Now you aren’t going to hear this from your girlfriends or from TV. But I have the Bible…what have they got?

Now, I understand the trauma you ladies are going thru right now. There are probably involuntary movements going on right now!! In fact, God understand the trauma…and He included it in the text.

It says “so that even if any {of them} are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.” Now let me tell you the trauma some of you ladies are going thru. You’re going thru “How do I follow a parked car?” You’re saying “You said in the earlier part of the study that my husband ought to be my savior, my satisfier, my sanctifier…he ought to show me time and attention…and he’s not doing it. If he’d start doing it, then I’d submit to it. As soon as he starts doing it, then I’ll start doing it. As soon as he starts obeying the word, then I’ll start obeying the word. I’m not responding to a man that isn’t treating me right.”

God understands your objections and He included it in the text. It says you are to submit to your husbands even if they are not doing right. Now don’t get me wrong, you aren’t submitting to the wrong that they are doing (wrongness NOT meaning leading you from God), you are submitting to them. Because, he is your head by position, even if he isn’t your head by practice. If he is leading you from Christ, you don’t have to go there. But in everything else, you have the yield sign.

Now, this raises the question…it says that even if they aren’t obeying the word, that they can be won without a word by the behavior of their wives. Now, I know you are getting nervous because you saw “without a word.” And you have never been without a word. He comes home everyday to a word. He wakes up to a word. And I know you are thinking “Is God telling me that I am not to open my mouth?”

No. Jesus was submitted to the Father, but regularly communicated with Him. The Father always knew where Jesus stood. The Father always knew how Jesus felt, even when Jesus was telling Him that He didn’t like what the Father was doing to Him. “Father, if there is any way, let this cup pass from me…I don’t like this…I don’t want this…I don’t prefer this…but no matter, let it be your will.”

Without a word does not mean that you are speechless. Without a word is a phrase that means “Don’t nag.” Don’t preach at him. It doesn’t mean you don’t communicate. It says that they may be changed (here is the woman’s way of changing the husband) or won without a word, without nagging…without negative, condescending, critical, “de-masculating” conversation. By the behavior of their wives.

Now, you have been nagging this man to change and he has not changed. So it should be obvious that your conversation isn’t the key here. It ought to be obvious to you that cussing him out isn’t going to change him, nagging him isn’t going to change him, being his mother isn’t going to change him. The Bible says you are wasting your time. God wants you to know that all of that energy has been lost. God says, can we change our approach here?

Let him see a wife that by her BEHAVIOR submits to him. Let him see what that looks like, because for many men, they have never seen that. But you say “No, no…he always has his way, I’m always submitted to him.” But verse 2 says it has to be respectful behavior! Not disrespectful behavior. Not behavior that says “I’m gonna do what you say, but I’m gonna make your life miserable while doing it. And you had better find another bedroom because you aren’t sleeping in here.” (Joke, gals…joke!!)

He’s not up to snuff, he’s weak, maybe he never had a man in his life to show him how to treat a woman. There may be a hundred different reasons but the problem is the same…he is a parked car and you are told by God to follow him.

Now let’s say you have a parked car in front of you. You have a car broken down in front of you and you have somewhere to be. So you start yelling and screaming and laying on the horn. Now after all of that fussing, that car has still not moved. Do you know what that car needs? That needs someone to come along and assist it with its movement.

I believe the Biblical term for this is “helpmate!”

Guess what the job of a helpmate is? To help. Too many women are hurt-mates, instead of helpmates. Because what you do is what everybody else does to your man: put him down, criticize him, complain about him, de-masculate him. And the very thing you are after, you are helping to destroy!

He is your head by position, even though he may be a failure in his practice. Some of you women give your bosses what you aren’t willing to give your husbands. Your boss says “Can you get me a cup of coffee?” And you say “Yes, Mr. Jones…right away Mr. Jones.” Your husband asks you to get him a cup of coffee, and you say “You had better get it yourself…do I look like a maid?” Your boss asks you to do something, you say “Yes, Mr. Stevens. Right away Mr. Stevens.” Do you know why you respect your boss? Because he has got your money in his pocket! He is responsible for your raise. Well, guess what God is saying? “I am responsible for your blessing, and you aren’t getting one.”

A lot of the wives today need to go home and say to your husbands “I am sorry for disrespecting you. I have talked to you disrespectfully. I have called you out of your name in front of the kids. I have disrespected you with my girlfriends. I have been unwilling to serve you in the way that God expects. And instead of me taking responsibility, I use your failures to excuse my irresponsibility. And before God that is wrong…and I apologize.”

That they may be won without a word.

You say “I don’t believe that can happen. I need to help God out here. My husband doesn’t need an invisible God, he needs a woman he can see. I have to help God out here.” That’s why you need to know the rest of this section because God says that the reason that you aren’t seeing me change him is because you think you are supposed to. “That they may be changed without your nagging, your fussing, your cussing and complaining.”

So ladies, some of you need to apologize. Because it has been years since some of your husbands got a kind word. Or you complimented him. Well ,you say “I would compliment him if he did something right?” Well, he did one thing right didn’t he? He married you! He thought you were good enough for him.

This behavior has to be observed. Not hear. And it must be respectful. The meaning of the word observe is to leave him with his mouth open. Shock him today with “whatever you say darling…I’d be honored to support you in that.” And then after you call the paramedics because he had a heart attack…

You’re not going to get this out in the world, in the secular society. But we aren’t called to follow the world…we are called to follow Christ.


Next up…Seducing your husband (1 Peter 1:3-4).

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This is amazing stuff MM - thank you so much - since I am very new to my spiritual journey, I am learning alot - and I am so guilty of all these things...

thank you - I can't wait to read more.

-ds


Dorry (aka Deeplysorry)
me FWW - EA/PA fall of 2004
FWH EA/PA late spring 2005
Got our acts together July 2005 and started recovery.

The Recovery Guide for WW's (Wayward Wives)
Dorry's Story

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On the "helpmate" role:

I read in "Captivating" that the Hebrew words used are "ezer kenegdo." "Kenegdo" means alongside or opposite, a counterpart to. Ezer does mean "help," but it's a very specific word for help. The word "ezer" is only used 20 other times in the whole Old Testament, and every one of those times, the "help" referred to is God himself, when you need him to come through for you in a life-or-death kinda way.

I do think it's important to clarify that it's not a "helper" like you let your little kid be your "helper" on a project. This "helper" is needed. Essential. Critical to survival.

Just tossing that in.


"Lucky I'm the same after all I been thru. I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. Life's been good 2 me so far..." ~ Joe Walsh
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Quote:

On the "helpmate" role:

I read in "Captivating" that the Hebrew words used are "ezer kenegdo." "Kenegdo" means alongside or opposite, a counterpart to. Ezer does mean "help," but it's a very specific word for help. The word "ezer" is only used 20 other times in the whole Old Testament, and every one of those times, the "help" referred to is God himself, when you need him to come through for you in a life-or-death kinda way.

I do think it's important to clarify that it's not a "helper" like you let your little kid be your "helper" on a project. This "helper" is needed. Essential. Critical to survival.

Just tossing that in.


Thanks for throwing that in, because you are absolutely correct!! God said when He created Adam that it was not good. Eve was critical, needed, essential...as yoi have written. A wife is needed, critical, essential.

Have you ever noticed this? Most of the great men in history had a great woman beside them. Name a great man, and I bet you can name the name of his wife!!

But, with great women, I bet most of them you dont even know if they were married, let alone what her husband's name is.

Adam needed help. Adam was not complete! Ladies, your husband was not complete until you came along. You are not just some "helper" as she just said. You are the other half of the equation. God only said that it was "very good" after He created Eve. The only time in Creation He said this. Tells you something about what God thinks of women, doesnt it?!?!

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It's AWESOME to me that you mentioned the PROVERBS 31 Woman. Being her is MY MISSION during MY PERSONAL RECOVERY. Thinking of those verses keep me going everyday, keep me on course, ready to meet any life challenges.

I read those verses at my grandmother's funeral last July. That's who she was and "whom I strive to be" is what I said. A light bulb seemed to go on in my FWH's head... "I SEE WHO YOU ARE, WHO YOU STRIVE TO BE....

After him being in the hands of SATAN.....


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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It's AWESOME to me that you mentioned the PROVERBS 31 Woman. Being her is MY MISSION during MY PERSONAL RECOVERY. Thinking of those verses keep me going everyday, keep me on course, ready to meet any life challenges.

I read those verses at my grandmother's funeral last July. That's who she was and "whom I strive to be" is what I said. A light bulb seemed to go on in my FWH's head... "I SEE WHO YOU ARE, WHO YOU STRIVE TO BE....

After him being in the hands of SATAN.....


She is awesome, isnt she? Every man dreams of that kind of woman.

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MM, Ladies,

May I interject something here. As I was reading part of this post yesterday and then today, I was struck but something I thought I would share with you. It is not Biblical, it is a true story told to me by a friend who works in marine biology.

It seems this friend knew a fellow that work with dolphins. They were training some dolphins to jump through a hoop. All of the dolphins picked it up rather quickly except one of them. This particular dolphin refused to do this. The fellow tried for about a day with now luck. So a co-worker came out with him. The co-worker noticed that the fellow was not holding the hoop vertical, he had it tilted. He suggested that the fellow hold it vertical and the dolphin jumped right through.

Now the friend that told me this story looked at me and stated: "It makes you wonder who was training who doesn't it?" I laughed.

This thought came to me when you all were talking about the heirarchy between God, husband, and wife. And it was further enhanced by the statement that Adam was not complete so God created Eve.

Do you suppose that men's role is their role because they have more to learn and thus must be closer to the source?

My point and perhaps the point MM is making is that we preceive things from our perspective, but that does not mean that we know the purpose or the merit of it all. One learns most, when one is forced to teach.

I have always thought that we assume a lot when we assume our perspective is the whole picture, just as assuming that women are "second" class based on the heirarchy just might be an incomplete picture. The full picture requires both H and W and some firm guidance, right MM?

Just a thought.

God Bless,

JL

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She is awesome, isnt she? Every man dreams of that kind of woman.




Really? Are you sure everyman?

Sometimes it seems Britney Spears or Pamela Anderson is more what everyman dreams of.

Are you sure????

Pep

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Quote:

MM, Ladies,

May I interject something here. As I was reading part of this post yesterday and then today, I was struck but something I thought I would share with you. It is not Biblical, it is a true story told to me by a friend who works in marine biology.

It seems this friend knew a fellow that work with dolphins. They were training some dolphins to jump through a hoop. All of the dolphins picked it up rather quickly except one of them. This particular dolphin refused to do this. The fellow tried for about a day with now luck. So a co-worker came out with him. The co-worker noticed that the fellow was not holding the hoop vertical, he had it tilted. He suggested that the fellow hold it vertical and the dolphin jumped right through.

Now the friend that told me this story looked at me and stated: "It makes you wonder who was training who doesn't it?" I laughed.

This thought came to me when you all were talking about the heirarchy between God, husband, and wife. And it was further enhanced by the statement that Adam was not complete so God created Eve.

Do you suppose that men's role is their role because they have more to learn and thus must be closer to the source?

My point and perhaps the point MM is making is that we preceive things from our perspective, but that does not mean that we know the purpose or the merit of it all. One learns most, when one is forced to teach.

I have always thought that we assume a lot when we assume our perspective is the whole picture, just as assuming that women are "second" class based on the heirarchy just might be an incomplete picture. The full picture requires both H and W and some firm guidance, right MM?

Just a thought.

God Bless,

JL


As usual JL, you are correct. On all counts. Your post reminded me of something interesting. If anyone has read the Scriptures carefully, they will notice something about the disciples. There were a few that Jesus kept very close to Him. Why? Well, some reason they had a lot to learn or maybe they were favored. My theory? Well all of the ones that Jesus kept close to Him were known troublemakers. I think He kept them close to keep them from doing stupid stuff. So, maybe that is why men have Jesus as their head. Maybe He NEEDS to keep us close by!!

Seriously though, you make good points. And I am certain all of those things are part of the reason things are set up the way they are.

I have told this before, but I'll mention it again. In the military there are officers and then there are NCOs (non-commissioned officers---sergeants). I was a First Sergeant. With the Captain, we ran a company of 126 infantry soldiers. Now, while both of us led that company...it was our company...the commander, was ultimately in charge...and might I add, ultimately responsible for EVERYTHING that unit did and didnt do.

Now was that captain better than me? In many ways as a soldier, I was better than him. I had over a decade more experience. I had been where he had not. But, was he a better man just because he was an officer. He was not. As soldiers, we were equal. Same uniform, same weapons, same overall mission. But in that mission, our roles were distinctly different. And guess what? Could the company have done well without me? No. Could they have done well without the captain? No. BOTH were essential to that company succeeding.

As it is in the family with husbands and wives. Wives are NCOs. They are equals. But the husband, as the officer, has been given "command." That means not only does he get to make the final decision, but he is also held responsible for what goes right and/or wrong with the family. Tough stuff. Sometimes, I would look at the captain after he had been raked thru the coals by the battalion commander, and feel sorry for him. And be glad that it wasnt my butt on the line.

Ladies, try having to be responsible to God for your husband and your kids. For what they do, how they turn out. You want that? Really?

There is a two-sided coin when talking about command. It is not what it is all cracked up to be! As my wife once said "I have the easy part...I just have to submit. You, on the otherhand, have to die!"

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Quite sure Pep. Britney??? Look, it is like candy. We love candy, we think we want tons of it. But what do we really need? What do we really want? Candy doesn't fill you up. Candy doesnt do anything for you? While candy is nice (and I had my candy stage when I was younger ), it isnt what we really want...and definitely not what we need.

My wife is a gorgeous woman. Has modeled some. During the affair, she took money out of our account and got a boob job and had a whole lot of things done that, in the Pamela Adnerson/Britney world, made her look even better. But, at the same time, some of our friends said that she didnt really look all that more attractive. That because of what the affair was doing, the countenance on her face was different. She wasnt as beautiful, even if she had larger boobs and a great tan. That is because she got those, but lost what really makes her beautiful. Look, the looks are what got yoru husband. It is what is inside that will keep him!

I will be going into how a wife seduces her husband, and how she surrenders to him. In that, you will see WHY a man needs a wife like this. What she feeds in him. How, even as the years go on, and the wrinkles come, and the few pounds are added...the Proverbs 31 seems to get even more beautiful.

More to come!!

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OT a bit MM - but looking for a Christian perspective...

I vowed on my wedding day to commit my life to honoring, my H, have and hold him, love and cherish him, comfort him through good times and bad times, be faithful to him, etc. He made the same promise to me.

I broke my vows, I did not cherish him, I did not comfort him through his bad times, I was unfaithful to him and did not honor him.

Does this make my vows nul and void? Isn't this considered a bad time? I BELEIVE in my vows still. I am learning through Christ to be a better wife, a better woman. I am loving and cherishing him through these bad times now, NOW being faithful to him, honoring him.

But because I broke the vows, because of his pain, is he breaking his? I know he is being faithful, but what about honoring me, cherishing me through my bad times. This was a VERY bad time for me.

No don't take this the wrong way - I am not playing the memememe, as far as I am concerned, he does not have to do this for me - he is hurting, he is in pain, I hurt him beyond compare, but it makes me wonder...do alot of BS's see their vows as completely broken? Do some BS's see the vows as JUST being faithful

I look back, and both of us broke MANY of our vows, long before my A. I was critizing and degrading him long before the A, he was neglecting and not comforting me, long before my A. We took eachother for granted long before the A. The A I do believe is the worst deal breaker of them all - but in a spiritual Christian sense, I see me as breaking many more vows before that point, and him breaking many of his.

I know my vows are now MORE important to me than ever, but they mean nothing to him. So much so - he will no celebrate our anniversary. Just looking for a Christian perspective on these thoughts and ramblings - sorry - didn't mean to thread jack either...just trying to live like God intended me to, as God's child, and a wife as God created me to be...and of course these leads to more questions!!! lol

-dorry


Dorry (aka Deeplysorry)
me FWW - EA/PA fall of 2004
FWH EA/PA late spring 2005
Got our acts together July 2005 and started recovery.

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Interesting.

Quote:

Look, it is like candy. We love candy, we think we want tons of it. But what do we really need? What do we really want? Candy doesn't fill you up. Candy doesnt do anything for you? While candy is nice (and I had my candy stage when I was younger ), it isnt what we really want...and definitely not what we need.





He doesn't exactly use the CANDY analogy. Replace CANDY with the WHOR.... word. This is how my FWH has explained his relationship with the FOW relative to his R with ME the STRIVING PROVERBS 31 woman....

Importantly though, it did take PLAN B for him to learn that she was ONLY A PIECE OF CANDY! Well, maybe a BAG of M&Ms.

Last edited by mimi1254; 05/20/05 12:51 PM.

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Quote:

OT a bit MM - but looking for a Christian perspective...

I vowed on my wedding day to commit my life to honoring, my H, have and hold him, love and cherish him, comfort him through good times and bad times, be faithful to him, etc. He made the same promise to me.

I broke my vows, I did not cherish him, I did not comfort him through his bad times, I was unfaithful to him and did not honor him.

Does this make my vows nul and void? Isn't this considered a bad time? I BELEIVE in my vows still. I am learning through Christ to be a better wife, a better woman. I am loving and cherishing him through these bad times now, NOW being faithful to him, honoring him.

But because I broke the vows, because of his pain, is he breaking his? I know he is being faithful, but what about honoring me, cherishing me through my bad times. This was a VERY bad time for me.

No don't take this the wrong way - I am not playing the memememe, as far as I am concerned, he does not have to do this for me - he is hurting, he is in pain, I hurt him beyond compare, but it makes me wonder...do alot of BS's see their vows as completely broken? Do some BS's see the vows as JUST being faithful

I look back, and both of us broke MANY of our vows, long before my A. I was critizing and degrading him long before the A, he was neglecting and not comforting me, long before my A. We took eachother for granted long before the A. The A I do believe is the worst deal breaker of them all - but in a spiritual Christian sense, I see me as breaking many more vows before that point, and him breaking many of his.

I know my vows are now MORE important to me than ever, but they mean nothing to him. So much so - he will no celebrate our anniversary. Just looking for a Christian perspective on these thoughts and ramblings - sorry - didn't mean to thread jack either...just trying to live like God intended me to, as God's child, and a wife as God created me to be...and of course these leads to more questions!!! lol

-dorry




Hey DS, great question!! This question is the MAIN one that kept me in the game with my WW. It is the main one that continues to keep me there.

Why in the world did I take her back? Most of my friends and relatives did not understand at the time. One of the major reasons I did was my vows. I made a vow to God AND my wife on our wedding day. While she might have broken hers to me, mine still held between me and God. I said that I would be her husband and do all of those things you mentioned above, until DEATH do us part.

Many of us love the rich, health, in good times. But vows were not made for times such as these. Those vows were made for poorer, for sickness, for bad times. I told my wife with my vows, essentially, that I was there for her no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT!!

Now, yes...God has ALLOWED divorce for ceratin sins. But that is not His will. His will is that despite our sins, despite how we have let each other down, that this marriage endures...and thrives. That's why I refused to listen to the foggy statements of my wife. I decided I was going to listen to Jesus and follow the truth, and make my WW, my friends and my relatives all "liars."

As much as the A hurt me, Jesus took me down a road that led to me realizing that her sin of adultery and of abandonment of me and the kids was no different in his eyes, than the things I had done to her. My failures. Remember, ALL sin has the same punishment...death!

I cannot speak for your husband, except for the fact that his reactions are normal. This is why God ALLOWS divorce for adultery. Because there are some that just cant get past the betrayal. But, as I believe JL told me one time..."if yo uare waiting for God to tell you to divorce your wife, you will be waiting a long time...because He NEVER will."

Our God is a God of redemption. The God of second, third, 100 chances! Grace. Unmerited, undeserved favor.

I now realize, as JL pointed out to me back then, that I had two choices. I could have given in, and been blameless. I could have walked away and started over. I could have walked away and saved me the pain of Plan A, Plan B...recovery. I could have started with someone new who I didnt every so often, picture with the OM.

But I also had a second choice. To take the narrow road, as it says in the Bible...the one less traveled. Since I went down this road, I can tell you...I look at where it has taken me, and I do not regret it one bit. Even if our marriage had not workd out. Why? Because the wide path, the one where I quit and divorced her, took me down a road that missed God's will, missed the best that He wanted to give me. The narrow path, the one with some incredible pain and hurt, has been found to have so many blessings now, that I dare begin to count. Life has taken a dramatic turn for the better.

You see, this reminds me of the story of a little girl...maybe 5 years old. When she was one, her daddy gave her a gold necklace. Now, it wasnt real gold...but the little girl wore it everyday and it was her most prized possession. But after awhile, it bgan to turn her neck green from wear.

Her father came to her one day, asked her to take off her necklace and give it to him. That he had a gift in his hand in exchange for it. That little girl thought for a moment and said "No, daddy. I love this necklace." She would not let go of it. It was her most prized possession. Her dad told her that was fine...and that when she was ready, he would exchange the new gift for the necklace.

Everyday for a few months, her dad would ask her to exchange the necklace for the gift in his hand. And she would say "No daddy...I love this necklace. I love you."

One day, the little girls finally relented. Crying, looking at the floor, she held her hand out to her dad with the necklace in it. Her dad took the necklace out of her hand and placed in it her gift.

A 24K gold necklace, with a diamond pendant! Real gold this time! This girl, because she loved so much what she had and what she knew, had been unwilling to trust her dad enough that he would take what she had, what she loved...and give her it back in spades.

God wants our marriages to work, to thrive. He wants to lavish blessings upon us. But too often, we block those blessings, block those miracles, because we do not trust "Daddy" enough that he will take what we have and turn it into something miraculous.

Your husband hasnt realized this. And while coming here, and/or Godly counseling may help him get there, what I just showed you above will be the GREATEST factor in his life towards getting him there. What is that? It said that if he isnt up to snuff, then he can be won without a word, by the behavior of his wive.

If you submit, if you know how to properly seduce your husband, if you surrender to this fully, God has promised that He will take care of your husband. After all, Jesus is your husband's head. But if you do not trust "Daddy" enough to do what is right for you and your marriage, then you will continue to hold onto that beaten, worthless necklace. And you will block your miracle.

In His arms.

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Quote:

Interesting.

Quote:

Look, it is like candy. We love candy, we think we want tons of it. But what do we really need? What do we really want? Candy doesn't fill you up. Candy doesnt do anything for you? While candy is nice (and I had my candy stage when I was younger ), it isnt what we really want...and definitely not what we need.





He doesn't exactly use the CANDY analogy. Replace CANDY with the WHOR.... word. This is how my FWH has explained his relationship with the FOW relative to his R with ME the STRIVING PROVERBS 31 woman....

Importantly though, it did take PLAN B for him to learn that she was ONLY A PIECE OF CANDY! Well, maybe a BAG of M&Ms.


Exactly Mimi. That is why I LOVE Plan B. Because they cannot survive long on just candy!

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Thanks so much MM - it's what I was thinking in my head, and prayer about - but discussion always help me so much. It's why i am so excited about reading more on the role of the woman. I trust God, and want to keep walking in his path.

-dorry


Dorry (aka Deeplysorry)
me FWW - EA/PA fall of 2004
FWH EA/PA late spring 2005
Got our acts together July 2005 and started recovery.

The Recovery Guide for WW's (Wayward Wives)
Dorry's Story

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Quote:

One learns most, when one is forced to teach.





JL - A "biblical truth."

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can
comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
" (2Cor 1:3-4 NIV) (emphasis added)

Restorative GRACE to the broken and contrite. God's gift to us....and ours, through Christ, to "pass on" (there's more than enough to "go around").

"Yea, thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death....." (Ps 23:4a KJV)

"He restoreth my soul...." (Ps 23:3a KJV)

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Mortar-

Just wanted to let you know that I am reading this thread, I am almost done with reading what a man is supposed to be doing. I haven't read what I am supposed to be doing as of yet, but I can imagine much like if the man does what he is supposed to be doing, his wife will change, that if we do what God wishes us to do with our husbands, the same would be true.

-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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Well, hopefully we are almost there.

Before D-day, I strived to be a Proverbs 31 woman. After D-day, I completely blew it for about a year. Then I started trying to get back on track. I do think it is a worthwhile goal for any woman, whether her husband leaves for good or not.

In a worldly way, it has caused me many problems and losses, but hopefully I will grow spiritually.

I hope we can go through it verse by verse and discuss what in means in the modern day world. The Proverbs 31 woman is not the woman our society admires.

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