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You are right believer, the world does not admire the proverbs 31 woman. But the things of this world are but for a moment. the eternity with God is so worth the losses here.

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Hi bjs -

But it seems to me that the Proverbs 31 woman gets rewarded in this life too.

I have a long way to go, but making a huge effort. Some of the things come easily - I was taught kindness by my family. Also I enjoy hard work.

My faults are in the patience area, and keeping my big mouth shut.

My daughter has a wonderful way of never saying anything unkind about anyone, no matter what. I used to be like that, but lately am struggling.

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MM,

Just wanted you to know that I printed this thread out yesterday & my H & I read over the first part of the H together. He had a lot of input & said he's actively working on fulfilling the spiritual role as leader. He realizes what needs to be done & how he was lacking in these areas for all of our M. It is taking him a little while to get there, but he is making the effort & for that I am truly grateful.

The part for the women I had discovered during our separation & have been working actively on it since then. I have found that it has made a huge difference in the way we treat each other & how my H treats me & this M.

We can't "force" the other to act the way they're "supposed" to act according to God, but we can do something about ourselves & that's where it starts. People would be amazed how changing how YOU behave will fall over into how someone else behaves. I believe the whole key is to focus on yourself, something highly endorsed by the Harleys. If we do "our" share, it's amazing how the other responds to that. They change & they don't even realize until the change has taken place!

Anyway, thanks for starting this. I've also started a thread on Recovery following the woman's role in M, based on the book, A Wise Woman Builds Her House by a Fool Who Tore Hers Down With Her Own Hands by Erin Theile. She has a website called Restore Ministries that shows us women how we have failed God & how we have destroyed our own houses that we hold so dear & shows us how to get back what was lost. I learned a lot from her books & believe she has taken everything she teaches from the Bible.

I thank God for people like you who shine God's light everywhere you go, w/everyone you come in contact with. May God's blessings fall upon you today.


RBW (me) FWH lostboyz
Married for 16 years
DDay on 10/10/03
Reconciliation on 2/8/04
Son 17, Twin son & daughter 16
4 years of a strong recovery
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Whew, I'm finally caught up

I wanted to tell you that growing up, My mother ran our house. I thought that was the way things were supposed to be, and for YEARS that is what I attempted to do...and obviously I wasn't met by much success. I was subserviant in ways and rebellious in ways, I was certainly an odd combination.

It had become VERY clear to me, by means of my previous crisis that I was NOT doing what I was supposed to be doing and because of my upbringing and my stubborness I honestly don't know how else God could've gotten my attention. I wouldn't have been receptive to hearing any of the things I have learned without being stripped of the things I held so dear, and left in this painful and broken state, I looked to God to fix me. I cried out to heaven and asked for help, I asked for mercy, and was severely depressed when I didn't receive them......it's strange but as I am typing this I don't think I ever asked God why, I don't think that I every thought "Oh why me?!?!" I KNEW why me....I knew that I wouldn't have listened any other way......I knew God was knocking, but chose to ignore him, I figured "If it ain't broke....don't fix it" Well it was broken, and I just refused to see it, I have a whole new perspective now.

I am submissive to my husband now.....and it's a whole lot less painful than I would've ever thought it would be, it's easy actually. Before I didn't respect my husband, I thought since he was less educated than I was that I was superior, and that he should be thankful I graced him with my presence......well now, what a treat I must have been to be around....I wonder why he had an affair. The OW was my polar opposite, and that baffled me for the longest time....but it is becoming painfully clear to me now, that this mousy little thing, that I have NO respect for was probably GUSHING respect for my FWH....and that was a need that had been going unfilled for a very long time.

My Mother has ZERO respect for what I'm doing, she sees my submission as weakness. I don't share her opinion, I think that it takes great strength for me to trust in my Lord, and submit to my husband, and I can see it working, I can see God saying "FINALLY, Caren" I am finally giving God the credit he deserves for the things in my life. I know that he knows what is best for me, and have completely let go of the wheel. Times when I am suspicious of things and start to get back into the mode where I could VERY easily jump up and try to run things again, I am gently brought back to God, I stop and ask him for his guidance, instead of reacting, and he NEVER steers me wrong.

I used to hate the phrase "The meek shall inherit the earth". I am a very strong woman, and I thought....how is this possible? The meek never do anything, life just happens to them, that phrase is worthless. How wrong I was. I didn't realize that meek is not synonmous with weak, meek does not mean that life will just happen to me, it means that I understand my role now, and that I trust that in God all things are possible. It is not necessary for me to steam roll everybody in order to reach my goal, I only need to follow God and the rest takes care of itself. It's amazing, and wonderful, and it feels like the weight of the world has finally been taken off my shoulders, or more appropriately I have finally allowed God to relieve me of my self imposed burden.

I wanted to also tell you a story that my Pastor told me. He is a baptist minister, and generally I don't care for the fire and brimstone delivery of a baptist minister, but this is not his style. I had just separated from my husband and moved into my 1/2 double, and on the other side of the double is a neighbor that I had known for years, we had previously lived beside each other, well this woman is a crack addict (I know that sounds so urban, but I live in the suburbs...very quiet) and her husband is an alcoholic, and they were both members of this small baptist church (not GOOD members...but members just the same). The pastor had stopped by to pay them a visit and I just happened to be on their porch talking about something. He came up to the door, and they introduced me to him and much to my dismay told him about the separation and how sad I'd been. The pastor talked to me so kindly, and told me a story of a rocky time in his own marriage. He was not a minister at this time, he was married, but out running around with his friends and drinking...etc. His wife went to church, which he found unnecessary. She submitted to him, even though he was not living like he should be, she went to church, and demonstrated through her actions that she was a Godly woman and before long God began to change him through her, he began to realize that he needed to change, and subsequently went to college and became a minister. He said "Mrs. M" (That's me)"I was a rascal, I am lucky that my wife stayed married to me".

He is the sweetest man, and I thank God for his influence.

I thank God a lot now. Before when I was separated I was miserable, and asking God to help me.....I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I had a man at work tell me, Caren.....you are asking God to do these things for you, and he will, but Caren are your prayers to God only about you? (They totally were) He said "Caren, even in our darkest hour, there are so many things to thank God for...we work in a hospital, there are so many people that have it worse than we do, pray for them Caren, pick someone everyday, and you pray for them. You praise God for the blessings that you have recieved and you ask him for guidance in your own life, but you ask God to help these people, they are sick and they need your prayers." And so I did, I began to pick a person everyday to pray for, and on the way to work instead of mulling over in my mind what a crappy deal I'd gotten, I made the entire ride to work a long prayer praising God for everything that I did have, not a pity party of everything I was without."

I have a little trouble grasping the obvious, and when I finally get it, I think Oh my gosh, what is my problem? I knew this all along.

Mortar, thank you so much for starting this series, you should do this for a living. Your wife is a lucky woman.

I am anxiously waiting for the rest of this thread, what a blessing that you started it

In Gods Love,

-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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been reading up alot more on this topic and have a few things to add from some sites I have been reading up on and praying about - once again - would love feedback!

It's neat as I se Marriage Builders as following almost exactly what a Christian Role is, but with taking God out so that others who aren't Christian can follow it too...the more I read, the more I know Marriage Builders is such a great thing for christians.

Just so you know - all of this is cut and pasted - I didn't write any of the below - I just find it all fascinating!!

Proverbs 31:11,12 says “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Our husbands should not have to worry about their needs being met in the home, whether physical or material.

I Corinthians 7:3-5 says, “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” When two become one….one-flesh…their priorities change. They now should be concerned about pleasing their spouse.

Verses 32-34 of that same chapter speaks on this: “But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

Verse 4 says that the aged women are to teach the young women and one of the things they are to teach them is to love their husbands. How are they to teach this? I believe they are to teach by example. This may seem “elementary” to you…I would imagine that every married lady in here, if asked, would say, “Yes, I love my husband.” But, do our actions show it? Does our husband know that, after however many years of marriage, he’s still the most wonderful man….that you’d marry him all over again? Do your children know that Momma and Daddy love each other?

What does it mean to be a godly wife?

First of all it means that no matter what your husband's spiritual condition may be, he deserves a wife who exhibits God-pleasing behavior. You don't have to hold back any good thing from your husband just because he doesn't believe in God, in fact your loving treatment of him may cause him to have a change of heart! This is not to say that a wife has the power to save her husband's soul; only the Holy Spirit can accomplish that (see Common Misconceptions), but you can certainly influence your husband (without words no less!) and show him the love of Christ.

Practical Steps


Don't preach.
Do let your loving actions speak louder than your words.
Don't use the Bible to back up criticism. The wisdom of the Bible is foolishness to unspiritual people (1 Corinthians 1:18).
Do praise and encourage your husband when he does something you know is God-pleasing.
Don't worry. Remember God loves your husband more than you do and wants him to be saved!
Do pray for your husband with hope!

MM hurry up and finish your teachings - I am so darned excited to read the next parts lol

-dorry


Dorry (aka Deeplysorry)
me FWW - EA/PA fall of 2004
FWH EA/PA late spring 2005
Got our acts together July 2005 and started recovery.

The Recovery Guide for WW's (Wayward Wives)
Dorry's Story

[color:"blue"]Excuses are easy...change is hard....[/color]
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^^^Bump^^^

MM, I’m looking forward to read the other 2 sections on the women’s role as well. I’ve forwarded the info to some of my friends already and they also wait in anticipation to read the rest.

I just want to say thanks for this thread again and thanks for sharing your God-given wisdom and insight so generously and patiently. I’m sure this thread is helpful to many, many people.

Blessings,
Suzet

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Been a rough couple of days. I plan on getting out the second of the women's roles out tonight. Thanks.

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Hey there Mortar, just checking to see if you'd posted more on the Wife's side of things, I see that you're working on it, so I'll probably check tommorrow or possibly the next day.

--Waiting

-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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bump, i'm not posting but i am reading and i,m very interested in seeing more on the wives role part.

not meaning to presure you but are you still going to do this sometime?

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Arrrrrgh Mortar......I thought you were gonna post more, the anticipation is killing me.

Impatient Woman #1

-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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The anticipation is killing me too!

Impatient Woman #2

Suzet

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I see Mortarman has last posted on 27 May, so I assume he is very busy or something has come up in his personal life, so I think we must just stay patient girls! Hopefully when he returns he will have the next 1 or 2 parts of the women’s role ready... Mortarman, we don't mean to pressure, but this stuff is just so interesting & insightfull that we can't wait to read the rest!

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That's it Mortar, you are out of the will!!! LOL (And I was going to leave you my rubber band collection--lol).

:P
-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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Caren, do you want "the" answer, boiled down to it's utmost simplicity? "The" answer is the same that was given to Peter...."why did you take your eyes off of me (Jesus)and doubt?" We sink into the "waters" when that happens.

Keep your gaze on Christ. Keep your efforts directed at "pleasing God first," and the rest will be handled by God no matter how the storms may appear to "rage" around you.

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Okay, I was out of the loop for the last two weeks. A lot of work and personal stuff going on. Anyway, I am typing away on the second of the three things for the wife. Should be up be early this afternoon. Sorry for the delay...life always seems to get in the way!

In His arms.

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Thanks MM - your efforts are much appreciated!

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Hey Mortar......just stopped in to see if you had anything new up

-Caren


Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.

BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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When Mortarman,when?

We women have been extra patient...........pleeeeease, pretty please!


BS,48 Married 24 years,4 kids
D-day 9/99 Separated 10/99 after WH ended affair and still was unable to decide if he wanted to stay married. Marriage in recovery since 12/99 after 2 month separation.
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Mortarman,

I was wondering if the information you had posted here came from a book and if so, what is the name of that book.

Thanks

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bump, hoping for an answer to the above question....

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