My wife and I have been married for one month. So far, things have been going well. It hasn't been as romantic and wonderful as I expected the first month to be, but overall it's been good. We occasionally disagree and while we haven't really argued we have had a few tense moments that we have always worked out. We are very excited about our futures together and are planning for the big things to (hopefully) come--house, kids, etc. My major concern at this point is infidelity. Not my wife cheating, but me. Before I met my wife I was extremely sexually compulsive. My whole life basically revolved around sex. My wife knows this to some degree but doesn't really know all of the details. I haven't really been tempted too much in the first month and I actually am proud of the fact that I've been very good and behaved myself (I know it's only a month but still...). But I am worried about the future. I've had occasional slips in my mind about "oh, I could just do this and she would never know", etc. Not really cheating, but more along the lines of watching pornography or something like that. Probably not a big deal but something that I know would bother her. I fear that it's only a matter of time before I develop a "secret" life that my wife doesn't know about and I'd really like to avoid that. Any thoughts or suggestions?

I admire your interest in nipping infidelity or secrets "in the bud" before they happen.

You mentioned that the sex encounters felt like a compulsion - have you ever been to therapy? Might be worth the investment if you value your marriage as much as it sounds like you do.

Mayber you could install a program like Spectorsoft on your home and work computers that allows your wife to review your internet activity. Perhaps you can also make sure your wife has access to your cell accounts, bank accounts or any other accounts that you may use for inappropriate behavior. There are all sorts of things you can do to deter questionable behavior.

I'm not sure if you have or can communicate your concerns with your wife, but if comfortable, it can only increase communication between the two of you. You can also ask her what she would need from you to feel safe. Maybe even counseling together would be helpful. After all, I would imagine it could only bring the two of you closer...

Sure, it's something to be concerned about. It's also something your W needs to know, because she can be the one that helps hold you accountable for your actions.

Seems like you can approach it one of two ways.

Hide it from your W, fail, have your W discover it, crush her, destroy your relationship, be miserable.

Talk to your W, fail, have your W help you get back up on your feet and keep on trucking.

Obviously there are other scenarios. But none of the ones that involve keeping it secret from yoru W are good ones.

I would suggest therapy as well, and see if you can nip it before it sneaks up on you.