GDP, I know exactly how you are feeling. My friend who just got married is a person I felt perfectly matched with... It will take a long time, but it will finally feel exactly right to be friends with her - and it's NOT "JUST" friends ... friends are a major part of life and there is nothing trivial about having a good friend.

Good luck!

T

Awe, Gnome, I hope things either work out with her soon or you find another even better match who appreciates everything you have to offer.

My opinion?

I totally want the nice guy. - I just hope he looks like the bad boy.

What red-blooded woman can resist a nice guy who let his hair grow a bit long & plays guitar etc?

*sigh*

I know I'd have a hard time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's the cookie cutter short combed to the side cut in khackis and a blue dress shirt that takes SOME of the wow out of it.

Now I say SOME because I worked with a guy at my last job who fit this description but was such a nice guy and freakin' hilarious that he would totally be an option.

I clicked edit because I didn't want it to sound like the physicality was the main crux of my opinion. B4 hooking up with my WH I had been interested in a nice guy that was a friend but he always had a gf. Later down the road he had told me that he was always interested in me but didn't think I had been in him. sheesh.

Being the nice guy that he was of course he eventually was snached up by the woman he now calls his wife. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It will happen for you nice guys. Hang in there.

I'm done being a nice guy...I'm going native...wild and dangerous...

I'm going upstairs right now and making a peanut butter sandwich...hold on..with no jelly you weak little people, and I'm going to chug down a coke with lime...no milk for this wild man.

Then I'm going to jump on my bike and race down the street, fast as I can....yeah you heard me, fast as I can and I'm going to use ALL 10 speeds baybee!

Then, as if that wasn't enough, I'm going to put on my oldest jeans...without the crease...and go trolling for babes...got the leather on...well shoes, watchband, and belt anyway...I'm gonna walk up to the first chick I see and say "Hey sweet thing, you're hot, I'm hot, let's roll"

Should be home by 8 with some sweet lovin'...or jail.

Get outta my way...A Bad, Bad boy is comin' through

RebornMan

How was your wild nite, RM? jail or sweet lovin? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

RB - you crack me up! I thoroughly enjoyed imagining your outing - and in technicolor, thank you very much!

::swoon::

::thud::

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

ended up too tired from racing my bike....lol

no jail, no sweet lovin'...

Just me and BenGay...

RebornMan

That's what you get for livin on the wild side. Better behave from now on. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> or at least, not try so much [color:"purple"]BADNESS [/color] ALL at one time! LOL

Aw, RB, you came so close to being my hero...

Gnome,

I know your attracted to this woman and the thing is SHE KNOWS it too.

In that sense your reliable, maybe to reliable? Or maybe even to available?

You know like when she calls do you run to help? Or do you ever have other plans?

If your always available when she needs help, that could be hurting your chances with her. In that she knows you'll always be there, so she doesn't recognize what it's like to not have you there.


I agree with TMCM, it's about a man having boundaries, and not being so needy, and not being there every time I need something just because I ask. He really does need to have a life away from me too, in order to be more attractive. So that I am not feeling I'm ALL he has in his life. Thats a tough burden to carry, to be someones EVERY THING.

ThornedRose, I appreciate your advice, and it's good advice, but that's really not the situation.

First, she knows I have a life that isn't about her. In fact, almost the only life I have with her is merely due to the fact that I'm living my life in many of the same places she is living her life, because we have the same friends and the same interests.

And yes, she knows I'm reliable and available, but she knows that I'm not just reliable and available with respect to her. We have very overlapping circles of friends, and she knows I'm available for helping them too. Heck, her roommate is a friend of mine - and was before they moved in together - and I'm pretty sure her roommate has asked for my help more often than my love interest has.

I'm pretty much an equal-opportunity assister.

And the fact is, she very rarely asks for anything from me. It's more a matter of me offering when I see an opportunity. (Of course, that has even more of an appearance of being "needy" than being available when called upon.)

But most importantly, we've already had the conversation about whether the reason she doesn't want to risk romance is that I have made myself too valuable as a friend. And the simple "fact" of the matter is, there's no spark for her. And she doesn't believe that there would be a spark if she decided to move things in that other direction.

Who am I to say she's wrong? It seems that a "spark" typically comes at the beginning of a relationship or not at all. (Yes, there are plenty of exceptions.) Personally, I suspect that the seemingly spontaneous production of phenylethylamine (PEA) during the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship is fueled by novelty and fantasy, in which case it stands to reason that it would apply to friendships in much the same way as it applies to romantic relationships. That is, once you have gotten to know someone pretty well, your imagination settles down and becomes adapted to his or her presence, sort of like you become adapted to an odor or fragrance in the room. Occasionally, something may happen which causes you to see someone in a new light, which gives the imagination another chance to fire up. But, the better you get to know someone the less likely that seems. Or shared trauma or danger may kick off a hormonal cascade to the same effect, but that's hardly something you would want to contrive or count on.

The bottom line is that I may simply have gotten myself inextricably wedged into the "friend" box. Circumstances when we met were not conducive to her seeing me in a romantic light, and now it may well be too late.

Of course, if she made a conscious decision to see whether a spark could be cultivated in the manner that Dr. Harley seems to think is possible, the story might have a very different ending. Ply her with lots of chocolate to induce production of PEA and dopamine, spend a lot of time cuddling to induce production of oxytocin, mix in a good bit of EN-meeting behavior, and voila! We're off and running!

Or not. I don't think anyone really understands chemistry, and why on earth would she want to waste her time testing a rather anti-romantic hypothesis? Hollywood ideals and Occam's Razor propose a much simpler idea: she simply does not find me attractive in that way.

She's young. I don't know whether she can really appreciate how rare it is to find a match so good on such an astonishing number of levels. And even if she can appreciate that, she knows statistics are irrelevant when God is not only writing the script but maneuvering behind the scenes.

God help me, I know that too. Just as I know that even if we are an incredible match for each other, God may have an even better match waiting in the wings for her - and for me.

This is in God's hands. I would be delighted if He worked something out between the two of us, but in the meantime I am very happy to have her as my friend. And I am starting to actively explore other romantic possibilities.

Of course, I'm not off to a very auspicious start on that exploration, but that's another story...