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Joined: Feb 2004
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Have you used an Internet service to meet potential dates?

What did you think of the process?

How did it work for you?

What did you think of the people you contacted?

What about those you actually met?

Does our modern society making meeting other singles in our age range and with similar interests and values difficult? Does the Internet help out?


Just another guy exploring middle age.
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I'm 50 years old and have used a few internet dating sites to meet people. I work in a profession that has mostly females in it. I don't go to bars, or to church.

You have to be careful about the sites you select. Some have more built in safety procedures than others. Some are more sexually explicit than others. There are often sites for specific interests.

Overall, my experiences have been good. But there are always a few lemons in the world! I must say, however, that I have been shocked by some of the e-mail contacts made to me, asking me if I indulged in certain sexual practices, e.g.,"Do you spank men??" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> This was on a site that I consider to be quite conservative. I've decided to laugh it off and not take it personally. None have ever contacted me a second time. I also had contact with a man who later told me that the photo he had online was from 1989! There was no mention of that in his profile! I saw that he used the same photo on another site!

There are people who are users on the internet as well as real life. Go with your gut instinct on this sort of thing. If your instincts aren't so good, run it by a friend. Look for inconsistencies in what they might share. There are those who talk a good line. For a lonely divorced woman with a wounded ego from her ex's affair, it can sound pretty good at the time. I've been hurt a few times that way. Luckily only at the "chat" level. I get better and better at picking out the questionable guys, early on.

I usually follow doing the e-mail contact, then online chat, then phone contact, than meet in a public place with each person driving there on their own.

Most often the men I end up meeting face to face were as they said they were. The one thing I have learned, however, is that regardless of how compatible someone seems in early contacts, meeting face to face hasn't always confirmed that compatibility. I've never felt my safety was in jeopardy. I usually let someone know where I'm going and whom I'm supposed to be meeting for the first face to face contact. In fact, I've also had times where I will make a call to my informed friend during the first contact...making sure my "date" is aware of what I'm doing.

I haven't met the love of my life. But, it's been nice dating now and then. It feels good to know that I'm desireable to at least some men...especially considering that my xWS, at age 47, left me for a 21 year old! They now have a 3 year old son. Better them than me at 50 years old! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

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Well Justin - we use the internet for everything else, so why not looking for a date?

Before I was married, I met lots of people on-line. Most of them were very nice, and I enjoyed meeting them in person. I think it increases your chances of meeting a person you would be interested in.

For a quick run-down, I met an electrical engineer who I dated for 2 years, and almost married. There was a retired navy guy whose wife had just died who I dated for several months - but he wanted to get married (I didn't). He ended up marrying someone else he met thru the internet.

I dated an electrician for almost a year before I weeded him out. Then there was a environmental specialist - but he was also dating someone else, and married her.

I met a guy who owned his own ranch. My kids loved him - lots of horses to ride, chickens, etc. But I just wasn't interested in a permanent relationship with him.

There were several others that I met and went out with for awhile. I also met several who were not interested in me.

So I highly recommend the internet. I have 2 friends at work who met their wives through the internet, and they seem to be doing fine.

The only thing you have to do is be slow, and careful. I spent LOTS of time just talking to people before meeting them. Another warning - lots of the guys I talked to had just broken up with or lost a lover, and were really not ready to date. But if you take your time, you will be able to tell, and also weed out the ones that are not right for you.

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It seems like such a convenience, but for me it was overwhelming.

I put my profile on Match.com for one month. In retrospect, I may have chosen the best time to do it -- I was exceptionally busy at work and had to travel for a week during that time.

I got overloaded with responses and just couldn't keep up. I got a scolding from one person that I hadn't responded to within a day -- and that prompted me to give up and remove my profile. I felt too much pressure from the whole situation. There's no way to slow it down! You can't say just send me a few per day so that you can manage it.

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*Have you used an Internet service to meet potential dates?
I did. That is how I met my husband.

*What did you think of the process?
Some sites were good. The free ones were fun, but didn't connect me to the kind of man that interested me. Men who were willing to pay, were generally serious about dating.

*How did it work for you?
I dated one secretly married man and one rage-aholic. The rest -- many -- were nice guys.

*What did you think of the people you contacted?
*What about those you actually met?
My rule was three emails, then we met in-person. I was serious about dating and didn't want an on-line relationship. Anyone who wasn't genuine or serious usually didn't want to talk on the phone or plan a meeting. That rule worked for me. I also tried to stay away from chatting with people in other cities. The fact is that I have kids and had no thoughts of uprooting them from their extended family or of asking a single dad to do the same.

*Does our modern society making meeting other singles in our age range and with similar interests and values difficult?
Perhaps for busy people. That's what the Net is for!


Mrs. W8ing


Burned-out W, 41, ENFJ married to INTJ. Blender family of 7 years w/3 teens. H has been injured/ill and in college for 6 years. Co-parenting for 11 years w/XWH who married A #4 of 5.
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There are a number of rumors floating around about Internet meeting sights. I have heard some people say that men outnumber women 7:1 on Match, that 90% of the men on these sights are either married or divorced for less than a year, and so on and so on.

An article in a local paper quoted a Match person as saying that the male/female reatio was about 60/40. That is for the entire mix of ALL ages. But, once above about 40-ish it gets pretty close to 50/50, and somewhere in the 50's it shifts to females outnumbering males. So, ladies, find your man before you hit 60! Just kidding, of course. These statistics do make me wonder what it is like for the 20 -39 year old men. Mightly slim pickings I would think since we older guys have a more even ratio to work with. Ah.... the advantages of age. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


Just another guy exploring middle age.
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I've just joined an on line dating service. Two actually & I'm wondering if it will be too much.

I haven't posted my picture yet because I'm waiting for a friend to format them for me, but I hope to have them up in a day or two.

One man contacted me & we exchanged pre-written questions. In the first round of this I ended contact due to the responses to the questions. He referred to himself in the third person & talked about partying or how "anything goes" at his house. A bit too loose for me.

I've talked to several people who have gone this route & are quite happy with the results. I imagine you get what you put in.

What I want for the moment is to get back into talking with men, getting to know them, & if we like each other enough, meet for coffee. We'll see how this unfolds.


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I used Match.com when I was separated and met my girlfriend through that site. In a couple of months I met in person 4 women, 2 of which I saw more than once and all of whom were nice, normal people. This was even though I was only separated (and up front about it). Maybe it's harder for the women...

It can be frustrating after seeing a lot of profiles that begin to sound the same and wondering how much embellishment people are doing, but I agree, a couple of email exchanges and arrange a brief meeting.

I guess the bottomline is that it augments other ways of meeting people, which can be limiting when friends are all married with children, etc. Also, you can hone in on common interests, so at least you have something to talk about. And just when it seems like no one meets your standards or style, you may come upon them, so put awkward meetings and rude emails in the proper perspective and keep it fun. I'd do it again.

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i met the love of my life about 7 yrs ago on matchs prdecessor...we were to be married last nov but she broke things of suddenly without any warning...when we split up last summer i went on match again after 5 months of grieving....i have met a few women, all that could have been keepers and 1 that i did date for a couple of months and i really did like her....but this dating made me realize that i was no where near ready to date when we stopped seeing each other...all in all, internet dating allows you more choices in a given time frame and since i am not a bar person, i will use match again when i feel i can see someone without thinking about my lost love


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One of my best friends I met through eharmony.com. I would have liked him to be more but it just didn't work out. We've been friends for 2 years now. Not that I went in looking for efriendship.com but hey, his roommate married his eharmony girl and I am friends with them as well. I have talked to, and been on a couple of dates, with some real 'yahoos' on yahoo.com. That has not worked well for me. Someone recently just didn't have a picture on there but sent me their profile and said they would sent a pic. I sent them my email address and almost laughed out loud because they sent a "pose" of them with their shirt unbuttoned trying to look all modelish. It was hilarious. then there's the guy who keeps making mental jokes. Which aren't funny. I need to delete but I keep thinking maybe someone will come along on there. I travel for my job so much that the internet is the easiest way to meet people. So far no good though. I have 9 matches on eharmony- 1 has answered my questions. I think that is pitiful. I have my picture up and it is cute too =) (And I am not the least bit vain or think I am all that, but I was happy with the pic I put up).


adgirl48 29 years old. Excited about my future life with someone and excited about my purpose in life as well!!
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adgirl....send me your pic...i am considered very good looking and i date who i want but until i am happy i wont be happy...i have picky tastes and i dated and married a ms maryland runner up...i will tell you about your pic straight up...no lies , just my picky opinion


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eharmony works ok, have met a couple, corresponded with a more, talked to a few... while most did not work out, was not like they were weird or teribly screwed up. Made friends with one (48 yo woman actually) will see what happens. I don't like yahoo, it is a zoo, I don't consider match.com much better. Biggest problem I have noticed (from the male viewpoint) is women not willing to hold up their end, they like the attention and the pursuit, but are reluctant (or obsessively wary) to make it a priority..so when it naturally dies (from lack of nourishment) they complain. Personally I don't hold it against them, I have just "learned" to be more perceptive and not date women who "don't need a man", rather seek out women who are want a relationship and willing to take the emotional risks.

As for eharmony and numbers, have had dozens and dozens of matches, too many to deal with, so do not respond to all who have queried me. Unfortuneately there is no way to let them know you might be interested sometime, just not at the moment. Feel kind of bad, like being rude, but there is nothing one can do about it cause eharmony won't allow any communications until the process of "meeting" through questions is completed.


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Well, I have been checking into joining, but this post pretty much has summed it all up for me!!
Thanks for saving me the money.

I appreciate the honesty everyone.


Karona


Divorced 12/17/2003 Formerly KEB1205 Reg 9/02
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ka1- how do i send it to you?


adgirl48 29 years old. Excited about my future life with someone and excited about my purpose in life as well!!
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I could send you the yahoo model poser too! LAUGH OUT LOUD.


adgirl48 29 years old. Excited about my future life with someone and excited about my purpose in life as well!!
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As for eharmony and numbers, have had dozens and dozens of matches, too many to deal with, so do not respond to all who have queried me. Unfortuneately there is no way to let them know you might be interested sometime, just not at the moment. Feel kind of bad, like being rude, but there is nothing one can do about it cause eharmony won't allow any communications until the process of "meeting" through questions is completed. [/quote]

Actually knight, you can put them on hold. Then they can choose whether to stay on hold or close you. At least they know you are in the land of the living that way.


adgirl48 29 years old. Excited about my future life with someone and excited about my purpose in life as well!!
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What does it mean for a woman to make meeting a man a "priority"?

I would enjoy finding a man to spend some time with, but I have lots of priorities in my life, and many of them are higher than meeting a man. Does that mean that I am not worthwhile? I guess to some. That would be their loss, then, I guess.

One of my big priorities in life is working to make enough money to have some of the things that make life a little easier to live. Such as a good place to live (preferably my own), a vehicle to drive, food on the table and utilities. Sometimes I work a lot because I simply want to do a good and thorough job, and the money is a great compensation for that - but I do take advantage of those opportunities when I can. Due to this, there are many times that I don't have any spare time for another person, and even my friends who call have had to wait several days for a return call.

I would be leery of meeting someone who made me their life's priority before we got to know each other well. That would seem a little obsessive to me.

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terri Courage Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage. Ralph Waldo Emerson
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The priority is referring to effort made. The question was about dating sites, and mentioned eharmony. Eharmony is a site spefically about meeting people for the purpose of developing a long term permanent relationship. If one uses this site, it should be with that intent in mind, which implies it is a priority goal, and vest resources accordingly. Those who register, and don't do so are a nuisance, and waste time. I understand not everyone is interested in long term, committed, monogamous relationships..places like yahoo, match.com etc. cater to a wider range of relationship goals. I also understand many women (and men) really just want someone to hang out with occassionally when it suits them (a lower priority), and that's ok too. The goal should be to get people evenly matched up (goal wise). I prefer to date women who are independent, and self-confident, and have chosen to make pursuing such relationships a priority goal, and vest the necessary resources to do so.

This should not be confused with making a particular person your sole priority, the principles of healthy dating should be followed. I certainly agree people need to get to know each other in an ever increasing manner..not just jump from hey, my name is Frank, and I think I am in love with you. If you seek "relationships" you make yourself available, and go out alot. If dogs are your priority, you go to a lot of dog shows instead...is all about "time", we each have a finite amount of it, and how we use it reveals our priorities.


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adgirl, if you are getting that many matches, why not tell eharmony to stop sending the to you for a while. Most of these internet sites have a way to hide the profile or otherwise tell them you are not interested in new people at this time.

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Justin,
Thanks- I was quoting Knight- and telling him he could put those people on hold- but yeh, he could also do what you suggested.


adgirl48 29 years old. Excited about my future life with someone and excited about my purpose in life as well!!
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