I have been fooled for many months now. My wife has a **** buddy, and I bought the lie that she was just hanging out with friends.

She is also having an EA/PA. Many of you know my case.

Can charachter change?

I believe I will give up, and file this week.

I am lost. Destroyed. Broken. In complete pain.

I saved myself for one person, and she has driven a knife completely through my heart with cold hearted iciness.

I am dying.

Foundareason - So sorry you are feeling so down. Did something new happen? Or are you just tempted to give up?

I am so sorry you are feeling so low. I understand how you feel having felt that way myself with the realization of my FWH's A.

Did you expose to the older OMW?

Is the '*-buddy' single or married?

Please hang in there and gather your strength. You can recover from this and have a good life one way or the other. Don't lose heart.

Hi, found.

To answer your query, yes, character can change.

From a practical point of view, no one is going to look down on you for not taking a beating of unknown duration while you wait out your wife's issues.

As for what you should do, here is my OPINION;
1) Please see to the security of your children first.
2) Talk to your attorney about item #1.
3) Expose her activities to anyone that will listen.
4) Either ask her to leave and live somewhere else, or you make plans to remove you and the children from her and live somewhere else.
5) Stop Plan A.

Your wife will very likely have to scrape her knees on the 'bottom' before she will hear any reason. It is extremely unlikely that she will accept any instruction from you, no matter how far down she goes.

On a positive note. This is not the end of the world. YOU can recover form this and make the rest of your life outstanding. All you have to do is to make a choice to do so.

God bless,
Gimble

I'm so very sorry, Found. Not to give you any false hope, but, yes, I firmly do believe that character can change. The question is does she WANT to?

I'm so sorry for the predicament you're in.

I can fully sympathize with the feeling that you're dying.....but it does get better. Even with all the screwed up stuff that is going on with me, I am so much stronger than I ever was before the *A*.

My FWH couldn't surprise me now, no matter what BS came out of his mouth....or if he walked in and his hair was on fire.

-Caren

((((Foundreason))))

I can feel the pain in your heart from every single one of your words.
I have been there, and I know how it feels.
I am sorry I can't take the pain away and make you feel better right away. But I can tell you one thing.
My FWH isn't the person he used to be. He has transformed from a completely selfish, uncaring, unfeeling man, to the complete opposite. A husband that would do anything to make things right and good for his wife.

I don't know if everybody is capable of such a change. I am not sure what makes the change happen, or when it will happen. What is important is that it happened to me, and maybe it will happen for you too.

Make sure you don't file and later on you regret it. Fight, untill you are convinced you did all you could.

[q]Foundareason - So sorry you are feeling so down. Did something new happen? Or are you just tempted to give up? [/q]

I just came to the realization that a group of friends is not that, but a **** buddy. In addition to the other drama she is putting our family through.

Found my friend,

I wish I could take this pain away, I cannot but I do hope you follow Gimbles advice right now.

Gimble is right and Found, plan A is over, time to protect your kids and go dark.

Dark is the only thing that is going make this pain subside and maybe make your WW see what she is missing.

Good Luck and God Bless you Found

My FWH changed back to being an H. It wasn't an over night case and actually he relapsed quite a bit before finally 'getting it'. He went through the lying, immoral, uncaring, hurtful behavior displaying almost every bad character trait a person can have.

He's got it now. He is a wonderful H now, very attentive, caring, faithful, and loving. He did change. It took great patience and perserverance on my part. Many would have given up prematurely. It all had to run it's course.

Time. It takes time.

You are pretty early in this rollercoaster. Don't rush any decision but get all your ducks in a row legally and financially. Protect your kids.

I need a plan B letter. Mel, Mortar?

Trix - thanks for the encouragement. I need it. I need a miracle.

But I think I am gonna just move her out of my life and move on.

(((((((Found)))))))

I am so sorry to hear you are in such pain right now. Heartache is the worst kind of pain. I believe that character can change. I have to believe that it can or else it is pointless for me to be here searching for advice on my particular issue. I have been trying to take my life and marriage on a downward spiral - right? There are people who can make the change. I intend to be one of them. Your WW can still make that decision too. I agree with Alostwife - don't file yet. Make sure you are satisfied that everything that can be done HAS been done.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Miss Georgie - I believe you are taking preventive measures two years or more before where I am now. I mis-handled the first affair - Plan Aed but no exposure and no plan b. Now she is a sex addict and using a love affair to forward her carreer.

I am sick. Livid.

Thank you for some hope. I am one cent away from hopeless right now.

Gotta get some sleep.

I sure appreciate all of you - my friends.

I will keep listening.
c

FAR

I don't know what a "****buddy" is ? DO you mean an OP or a girlfriend who enables extramarital sex ? Please explain to this dumb Englishman.

Also did you expose your WWs affair ? If so what was her response ?

Have you been in a firmly held plan A ?

If you have proof of your WWs infidelity you have no compulsion to stay married to her - even God gives you dispensation to leave, but I would advise that you do all you can to rescue your marriage before you end it so that you will always like that face in the mirror.

I relate to your pain. Oh yeah. But as Gimble says you can make the rest of your life outstanding starting today by making informed and brave decisions.

All blessings.

Just a casual sex partner. **** buddy.

I am compelled to do ALL that i can to save the marriage. I have three good reasons. Plus, the woman I married is missing, and I have to try to find her. I want to hold her, and share all of her pain. Listen to her. Hold her up. Cherish her. Be the source of her happiness. Help her succeed in life.

I just do not know where she is, and (sobbing) I am lost without her. I miss her. She is my best friend.

My emotions are all over the map today. I got more info - essentialy another D-day (confirmation of her "sex buddy")

Ouch. It hurts.

Sorry guys, I am bleeding all over the bar here....

Exposure FAR. Usually the last resort of a desperate BS when it should really be almost the first.

Expose. What can you lose ?

I will expose tomorrow morning if OM and OMW are still in town. The Harley's had suggested I wait - they think she is already gone , and think I should concentrate on trying not to loose what love i have for her, and try to lure her back.

But I should have dropped the bomb immediately. I will, hopefully tomorrow. OM and OMW are going out of town until the 6th - same day WW comes home from her mom's. I will try to catch them before they leave.

Her sex partner was evicted and has a sound system - he is a DJ or something. It is in our garage.
Can I legally sell it on Ebay? The old wronged wife trick - husband comes home, and wife gives him the check for the mercedes she sold that day. $50 check.

I am MAD.

Scorched earth.