I haven't posted for a while. I guess I've been feeling quite lonely. I have been alone for alomst a year. I haven't dated or even thought about it. I know there is no hope to restore the marriage I ruined, and I'm still hurting from a seven year affair, with a man who I deeply love, he may not have loved me though, I guess I was his cake. I just don't know how to move forward, I hate him and love him at the same time. And if any of you know I had two children with him. Not planned, and we both love them dearly. That makes it almost unbearble, I feel like a garbage, used an thrown away. I don't think any normal man could ever possibly want a woman like me.<P>I took a long drive today, as I didn't have the kids, and I really feel alone. It's awful, Ithought I'd go see a movie, but I couldn't even do that. I just drove, home and cried.<P>Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever be happy, and if my kids will have to grow up without a father.<BR>

I am not in your situation, exactly, but I could have been. I only had sex with him once, but I could have gotten pregnant (among other things ). I am so sorry you are hurting so much. The main thing that everyone talks about (staying away from the OM) will never happen for you since you have two children with him.<P>I have nothing to offer except to say that I am sorry for your pain. I understand about love and hate at the same time. Very closely related emotions. <P>You must think of your children now. Don't dwell on the OM or whether or not you can get another man. God can and will send someone for you when the time is right. Does that sound trite? I hope not, because I don't mean it that way. <P>Pray for peace, and don't buy into the crap that says you are garbage. Like the bumper sticker says, "God doesn't make no junk" <P>~Sheryl<P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

Hey, thanks for the encouragement. Your right, God makes no junk. Every know and then I have those low days. Sometimes PMS gets the better of me, I hate that. It 's hard to be strong all the time. And yes I Know what you mean, and I believe your right. <BR>Thank you and God Bless you!