I have no energy towards dating.
I don't really feel like meeting anyone new.
I'm feeling really cynical. As in "it'll just end anyway so why begin"

A few weeks ago I ended a 1 1/2 year so-called-relationship. The one where I gave 100% effort, and he gave 25%.
I sure as heck don't want another one of those. But I have so much trouble being a taker. I don't know how to do it.

I don't even want to try anymore.

Hi, Lexxxy,

I don't think that it's all that uncommon to have the "blahs" after ending a relationship, no matter if it was your decision or not. It's a big let down to have HAD someone and now to NOT have them, again, even if it was for the best. Give yourself some time to adjust to life without a guy for a bit and I think you'll start to feel better about everything.

There are GOOD men out there. There are good men HERE at MB. You'll find one some day.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

T

I understand the blahs. Take a break.... take some time for YOU. You don't have to try - at least not right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Wannna tell us? How did it end? Why?

Thanks Terri and Faith!

Maybe this is God's way of giving you a break before jumping right away into something new. Gives you a big case of the blahs so you just don't wanna. LOL

I just find it all kinda interesting. My life is great. I'm really happy with my home, my kids, my career, my hobbies, my friends. Life is awesome! So I'm not depressed or anything.

I just met some really cool guys last weekend, but there is just no motivation to be anything other than friends.

With "B", the one I dated for the last year and a half, its almost like we've been breaking up in stages for the last year. We were both very infatuated right from the start. We didn't spend a lot of time together, but it was always really great when we did.

He was very very hesitant about any kind of relationship -- because he's been through the greatest tramatic experiences on the planet <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> He thinks he's been wounded far greater than any other person.

If I tried to normalize our relationship in any way, he'd panic. Example...he could never commit to plans for the weekend. I'd ask him on Wednesday or Thursday what he had going on -- hoping that we could plan to see each other one night (every other weekend!) He couldn't make any kind of decision until the last minute. We started really disconnecting over that -- because I'd go ahead and make plans with my friends -- which meant we didn't see each other. It was my way of teaching him a lesson so to speak.

So we'd take a "break"...then he'd come back saying how hard this all was for him, but he was really TRYING to be a better boyfriend. And we'd go along for a while then the same frustrations would pop up...and he'd feel pressured and I would feel undervalued. So we'd take another break, but fall back into things after a week. And repeat and repeat and repeat.

So thats where we are again. He needs a break. I'm making it a permanent one. No more yo-yo for me. His whole justification for taking a break (again) is that he doesn't want to hurt me but he just can't give 100%. He says he's just no good at relationships anymore. I gotta believe him! LOL

What I really need to do is stay away. Thats the hard part. He'll call me in a week or so. I need to not cave in when he calls being sweet and missing me.

Help.

There is a moral here, when someone tells you they are no good at relationships, thank them for their honesty, and immediately move on!!!

Instead too often, we think we are the "one" who will fix them (or motivate them to fix themself)....nah, that dance just gets your toes stepped on till they bleed.

Knight -- you are SOOOO right.
I had the same thought. If they say they're no good, believe them!

I think part of my confusion over the blahs is that I'm looking for a distraction and I'm not finding one. Its a way to protect myself from falling back into the old pattern with "B". If I have someone else that tweaks my interest, I'll be less likely to take his calls.

Lexxxy,
That's sorta my problem... I've said several times on here that "I'm *trying* to end a 2 and 1/2 year relationship"... and that's what I mean too. It's not that we jump back in again, but I can't seem to really get away from him, because I can't fill up my time/life enough. We are still friends and it seems to work OK, although I am afraid he is still in love with me. I really don't want want to go out looking for another R, or even looking for dates, but I feel like if I *did* have someone, it would be easier to stay way from him.

We both (you and I) need to fill up our thoughts and our time with something other than men... dontcha think? Reading... exercise... kids (for you, I don't have any <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ).... work.... hobbies... etc... We know the routine. But it's hard, isn't it?

Faith1

uuugghh...the old "lets stay friends" routine.
I hate it. I now think its much healthier to just break it cleanly and have no contact -- at least for a few months.
Kinda like go through withdrawal, get over the whole thing, then try the "friends" thing with new boundries and the strength to keep them.

Thats what I'm trying to do with "B" this time. Really separate for a good long while. Then I won't get sucked back in.

There's no reason I can't immerse myself in work and kids and house stuff. It just never seems to be enough to keep me and "B" apart. He'll call and we'll be right back where we were.

I think I'm feeling like a new boyfriend or relationship would give me protection of some sort. If I had a new BF then it wouldn't be appropriate for me to be talking or seeing "B" anymore and that would be the way to separate from him completely in the way I need to.

Not really the best way to enter a new relationship is it?? LOL.

No it's not lexxy...smile... but you know that. Sooooo that brings up another tried and tru"ism"..what is the definition of insanity....doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result....there it is, you and faith are insane, take comfort now you at least know "why" you act that way.

of course it the dysfunctional gender (aka males) who drive you insane, if that is any comfort.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lexxxy...... just some encouragement here.... for the weekend... DON'T ANSWER HIS CALLS!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Come here and tell us about it... OKAY????? We're here for ya!!!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Today is officially one week of no contact (small success!)
Although I am expecting an attempt sometime this week.

Last week (and weekend) he was busy with his brothers wedding. His brother married an ex-GF of "B"s. Bit of drama going on there, huh?

And to top it off, his ex-wife was due any minute to have a baby with her new husband. (ExW cheated on "B" with new guy, they are now married and having a baby.)

I personally think all of these issues have driven him a little nuts -- so he took action with the one thing he could control -- our relationship. So be it.

Anyhoo, I spent my weekend at my son's state baseball tourney (they took 3rd!) and I painted my foyer.

I do have a date later this week. Its someone I've known for about a year. We dated a little last summer when "B" and I were on a break. He's building me an engine for my race car.

Knight -- you're on to me, I AM INSANE! LOL