Not Now Hope....man 'O man.....TRUST ME!!An EA or PA is what you THINK you want but you will regret it. I did...I got divorced and jumped in, feet first with reckless abandon and regretted it....because I had only delayed Withdrawal from XW....it took me months to get out of my funk....that was when I was losing my hair and oodles of weight.....date....a lot of different people...no affairs....meet people become friends....with out benefits!

Take that bike down the thru way towards my place...it's a great drive!!

No, No, NO....there is no "transitioning" to Plan B...it is either one or the other...not both.

Right now you need to give her one solid week of no LBs, EN fulfillment Plan A...then you do an in house Plan B. I know, most people say it is not possible, and usually not except in extreme cases, but SH has even recommended it at times.

But you are making a SERIOUS mistake by moving slowly into Plan B...she will remember the bad...you have to move to Plan B while she has the taste of dessert in her mouth, not desert...

Sendme, that is like telling a man dying of thirst to avoid drinking. My WW is getting all her EN's filled while I haven't had my EN's met for almost a full year.

I haven't had a nice CONVERSATION with a member of the opposite sex for a long time. I miss it...I need it! I haven't had SF since last August and I miss it...I need it. This may sound trivial to some, but you've been where I am and you know how I feel. That is why it's difficult for me to understand your position on this. I just do not understand your position on this. Your EN's were being filled again so didn't that make you happy?

SHMI, I understand what you are saying and I truly have tried to impliment a strong Plan A. The problem is, my Plan A has gone on way to long and I'm way overdue for Plan B. My LB$ is almost empty and the resentment is affecting how I interact with my WW. I can't even look at her without feeling some disgust so how can I continue to Plan A her. she has hurt me and betrayed me in the worst possible ways. she is still unremosrseful and continues to treat me like a piece of furniture. A man can only take so much of this type of treatment.

I can't see myself doing an in-house Plan B. So that means 2 more months of this prior to my Plan B. I think of taking a baseball bat to OM face everyday. I want him to suffer and feel just a bit of the pain he has helped put me through.

I don't even know if I would take her back right now.

Continuing Plan A makes me feel weak and I don't want to feel like that anymore. It has taken me a long time to get where I am and I refuse to feel helpless anymore. You dealt with this for 3 years! Two more months of this seems like an eternity, never mind 2 more years.

major 2 x 4 coming...so be aware.

Well, what is different about this statement today than the same statement you made three months ago? Untill you DO something about it....you CHOOSE to feel like this.

It is MY OWN NON EXPERT, UNQUALIFIED, NON-MB EDUCATED, NON-SAA KNOWING opinion that to continue to "PLAN A" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> in your situation is ASKING to be the DOORMAT. You feel "weak" and you feel like this because you HAVEN'T CHANGED your situation.....and YOU KNOW this. Yes, I know there are excuses, and the wife has said "this" or "that".....BUT it is all the same.....Untill YOU do something different, you are a WILLING volunteer to this dysfunction. There is NOTHING healthy or admirable in continuing the interactions with your Cheating wife.....or continuing "plan A". If the good master of science himself said this, I would call him out on this....with clear repercussions that I may be banned or stoned at the stake here. Your situation is absolutely tragic.....but actually more tragic because you LET this continue to happen. You only see roadblocks and excuses for doing what you have to do.

You'll have an affair almost guaranteed. It is my bet that IF the opportunity presents itself...you just may take it. You are choosing to remain vulnerable...you are choosing to remain weak. You are choosing to feel like you do. I like you bro.....and I root for you...but I can't willingly "support" you in your continued WILLFUL decision to not change things.

Your life....remember...100% responsibility.

Lem

Edited to add: I know your story, and I understand the logistics. I still believe that if you are not willing to do WHATEVER Needs to be done TODAY to get into Plan B, than you might as well save your money and prepare for a divorce, as there is NO rational or humane way a person could continue to live like you are and NOT do something destructive to themselves (affair, drinking, gambling, etc..).

Hope- what you do not understand is that just like an affair those needs will be met but you will not feel any better. In fact you will, if you walk the same road I did, feel worse! Even more lonely.

Do you really think that a woman will not eventually want a serious committed relationship? You won't, not for a long time...if you do it is wrong...wrong...

So that is why I warn you to not fall into the traps...I did...it delayed my withdrawal...which I THOUGHT already happened because we lived separate lives for years, lived in different rooms, had not had SF more tha 3x in 29 months! So...I know exactly how you feel...and how you WILL feel...

As far as what LM said...I think you know he's on the right path....and that he is right...

Found your thread...just in case you feel like giving us an update! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well after having somewhat of a brain cramp a few weeks ago, I have decided to begin posting on my thread again.

For those of you who don't know, I was painfully close to entering into an EA with a co-worker a few weeks ago and posted what I was feeling on a seperate thread. Looking back, I can't believe that was me who was saying those things and feeling that way. Call it fog or whatever you like, I was confused and feeling emotions that I haven't felt in a very long time and my emotions were begining to guide my decisions.

Thankfully, I received some well time 2x4's and emails that broke through my fog and made me realize what I was getting into. Subsequently, I have backed way off from this co-worker and things are much better now.

On the home front, things have not really changed that much as I approach Plan B which should start in about 4 weeks. I know many of you would have liked to see me go into Plan B several months ago and I agree that I have extended Plan A way to long, however this is how it is and I will have to deal with the consequences.

This ordeal began just over a year ago and things have changed so much since then. Although I am still a long way from my personal recovery, I am so much stronger now. For those who have just had their d-day I want you to know that it does get better, but it takes time.

My WW and I don't talk much anymore and we are basically living seperate lives while living in the same home. One thing that has changed is that I am no longer a doormat and I don't tollerate any of the blame game anymore. She tried that recently and I threw it back at her which stopped her dead in her tracks.

I still love her, but my LB$ is practically empty and may not recover even if she puts 100% effort back into our M. I have withdrawn from her to protect myself and that has helped save whatever love I have for her.

I'm in a holding pattern right now and that can be frustrating since I'm eager to start a life without her and continue my personal recovery.

I expect the seperation papers to be ready this week and then she leaves on August 4th. Then it's Plan B time and darkness for me.

Hope,

Nice to hear from you. Your plan sounds good given the circumstances. I am glad you are slowly but surely recovering from this nonsense.

Hope,

Continue your personal recovery, you are by anyone's RATIONAL thinking, a good man, and one that obviously so desires to be the best man that you can be. Just keep practicing your changes within yourself. Eventually they become more and more natural, thus the process of change.

We don't CHANGE for CHANGE'S sake....it comes from conscience work within ourselves...testing our OWN boundaries, and CHALLENGING ourselves to the inner core. It takes time, and it takes setbacks, to see the NEW person that evolves.

You have shown great personal strength in avoiding the EA. That is a growth...considering most men's top need for affection. Focus on the other needs that rank high to you. The one's that don't require ANYONE else. Personal satisfaction is something that can only aid in becoming a more attractive person to others.....no matter who those "OTHERS" may be.

Stay the course.....a dark plan B after all of this is what will give your M it's best shot since D-day.

You WILL find more peace, and it won't be from thinking this is the M's best shot.....it'll be because YOU will grow in YOUR recovery. And I'm sure you'll THRIVE!!!

God's speed, my friend.
MWIL

HTW,
Waiting is hard...but you will find solice. Take care of yourself as you deserve to be cared for. Stay focused on your personal recovery.Remember you are loved. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

ETA: I am so glad you woke up before you gave in to temptation. I think you saved yourself a whole lot of grief!

UVA, MWIL, CC, thanks for the support and I will need your input and I approach and enter into my Plan B.

I have an awful lot of resentment building for my WW and I know it draining my LB$ for her. This is where Plan B will probably help me the most as I won't have to deal with her and I can begin to heal myself.

Yesterday as I was talking and joking around with some of the neighbors I felt really good since I rarely have a fun conversation at home. Since there are no seperated or divorced people on my block (really) I am kind of worried that some of my neighbors may try to keep their distance from me. I even wonder if some of the husbands may dislike me talking with their wives. We will see what happens in a few weeks.

On a brighter note, my investments are doing so well that I almost have enough money saved up in their education fund to put both my kids through college and they are still in kindergarden. I'm really proud of this fact and always told my WW that one of my goals was to be a millionaire before the age of 40. If things continue as they are I may just pull that out and the sad thing is that she won't be around to share that with me. We sacrificed so much to get ahead and now that I'm finally making it she goes and has an A and decides to end our M. It's funny how things turn out sometimes! As I have told one of my closest friends, "I would give it all away to have may family back".

CC, you keep talking about that pool of yours and now I have the urge to get one, especially on these hot summer days.

I just remembered something my DD said to me this morning that made my weekend. As I woke up early and came downstairs to watch TV, my DD followed shortly afterwards and sat right beside me on the couch. Out of no where she said "Daddy, I'm gonna bake you a cake since you didn't have one on your birthday". My BD was on June 24 and I didn't have anything to mark the occasion so it put a huge smile <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> on my face when my DD said that. She amazes me sometimes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well I'm going out for some excersice so I'll check back later.

I was hoping for an update...I guess there is another thread out there somewhere. I'm just checking in think of you.

Hi CC. Boy you must have been really digging to find this old thread.

Here is my update from another recent thread.

I'm dooing very well and it's all good.

Funny thing happened last night. I had my friends and their kids over last night for BBQ and fireworks since it is Victoria Day here for us British Pats.

Well, while I was outside with all the kids lighting the fireworks my friend's wife was inside tiding up for me when someone called. She picked up the phone and answered with "hello". After a few seconds of not replying the person on the other end hung up.

Later I checked who was calling and it happened to be my WW. Oooopppppssss! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

hee hee...

Nice 180 F

W