Flowers or cards or little things just because your FWS loves you?

When we dated he sent me flowers about once a week. After we married it started slowing down and finally stopped. DDay was 7/6/04 he moved home on 8/9/04. In Sept. 04 on a Sat. I told my husband "I wanted my man back". On that Monday he sent me flowers at work and the card read "Love Your Man". It made me feel wonderful and very loved. I felt that he was finally in the realtionship mind, body & soul. I was wrong at that point but did not know it. He and the OW had still talked some.

I have not received flowers since then. I just do not get it. I do not want expensive flowers. Our local Lowes Food Store sells fresh flowers for $15 and under. I have bought my own flowers, I have hinted about wanting flowers, he has bought me flowers once our twice when I was with him and that is ok. I have even flat out asked him to buy me flowers and surprise me.

So far no flowers.

We are in recovery and it is going well. The only thing that bothers me is that he has not gone out on his own and bought flowers or a card or anything like that. He is doing everything else perfect. It is the little things that I miss.

I know it is a sill question. I just cannot figure it out.

Sometimes it is just due to differences in the way we communicate love to one another. I also got a huge flower arrangement after DDay and nothing since (although my birthday has since come and gone). I like little gifts, cards, flowers - especially wild flowers, etc. So I give him romantic cards, small love tokens like a new keyring, something beautiful from nature like a pretty stone or leaf because that says "i love you" to me and so I think he should see it that way too. Actually, to him it does not and so he just doesn't reciprocate. Instead, he calls me several times a day just to chat because to him that says "I love you"

So, buy yourself flowers and figure out how he is saying "i love you" to you. It will save you both a lot of frustration.

Liftedup...

my question for you is how often do you do things for him similiar for him that create in him the feelings that you get from the flowers....

I would suggest you do actions and 'gifts' that show him your love and appreciation...

example...
notes for him to find in the morning taped to the steering wheel of his car so that when he's pulling out to work ...

special dinners or desserts

putting out a change of clothes for him when he comes home from work...

etc etc etc...

it has been my experience that the more we incorporate these things on our end the more they are reflected back to us....

one on level it models the behavior we desire
it makes us more comfortable to express our apprectiation
and it creates a feeling of connectedness....

just curious how much you do on your end....
which is not a defensive question...
and it may be a place to start...

ARK

ark^^,

Now you have me thinking. YOu are probably right. Why should I expect it from him when I do not do it.

I guess becasue in the beginning of our relationship and for about the first 2 years we were married he gave me whatever I wanted. It became a joke that unless I really wanted it I better not express that I wanted or liked something because he would go out and buy it.

The only time I got nice flowers from WH was during the A. I should have realized something was up.

WH has been good lately about sending me a short email or text message to keep my spirits up when he is too busy to call. I try to let him know I appreciate it. I've also learned that he needs different things than me to feel loved.

I get them all of the time now. My FWH pretty much stopped sending me flowers, stopped bringing me gifts each time he traveled on business and stopped providing me with his hotel information when the PA was going on. I sure had a FOG of my own going, didn't suspect a thing.

We each try, in our own ways to constantly reassure each other of our love. I get flowers, he gets met with a kiss and a dirty vodka martini when I get home from work first! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I've gotten flowers maybe a dozen times in 16 years of marriage. Last time was this past Valentine's Day. FOW got the same flowers...right in front of me...while I was in the hospital after our fourth baby was born.

I've bought him flowers MANY times--even for his birthday this year, a month before D-day. In fact, I brought him a beautiful bouquet of fresh tulips (one of his faves, and yes, some men DO have favorite flowers) the DAY before D-day. He'd been in a "funk" that I later found out was his withdrawal/remorse over the A and trying to separate himself from me emotionally because he thought I'd kick him out immediately, and I saw the flowers while I was out and came home and placed the flowers on his chest as he slept on the couch. He never even looked at them.

Needless to say, when he told me about the A and all the pieces fell together in my mind, I told him I NEVER wanted him to bring me flowers again.

I'm working on how to "fix" that problem because right now he's trying to find ways to show he cares and flowers are his first choice...any ideas on how to get past a MAJOR trigger? The puppy dog eyes and the "Can I PLEASE buy you just ONE flower???" is killing me.

Ah yes, here's one you gals may be able to use; it's "out" for me since it went along with the tulips the day before D-day. Anyway, go to the bagged candy section at WalMart and get a bag of LemonHeads and a bag of cinnamon RedHots. Hand them to him one at a time, and say "I may be a sourpuss (LemonHeads) now and then but I still have the hots (RedHots) for you! Corny? Yeah, but some guys go for dry stuff like that. Mine normally does when he isn't searching for ways to tell me he's been having an affair with one of my closest friends!

Oh boy......another yucky day, can you tell?