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My husband and I have had a wonderful day. We spent the afternoon at the beach. We hung out on the peir, fished some and saw some amazing shark.
We get home. He is cleaning the car and that kind of stuff. I come in and get in the shower.
They took a shower together. Maybe more than one. I do not know. I asked him months ago and he said they did shower together but did not have sex in the shower.
I want to go ask him why they had to shower together. They were only together for about 4 weeks. There was really nothing pretty about their affair. They had sex in her garage in the dog bed.
Why do I want to ask him this now? I know I need to let it go. If I ask I know he will answer and tell the truth but it will put a damper on the day.
It is driving me crazy. I really want to ask him.
Me (BS) - 38
Him (WS) - 40
DDay - 7/6/04
Seperated - 5/26/04 - 8/9/4
In Recovery
The Lord told me to Press On!
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OMG, they did each other in a DOG BED!? How appropriate! lol
Only ask if you want to know the answer.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Glad you came here, instead of asking him. It seems to me that no matter what he says, you won't be happy.
Try to focus more on the nice day at the beach, and less on the past.
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Lifted up - don't do it. If anything, just tell him you feel a bit sad suddenly but don't be graphic about your thoughts after such a lovely day. Save it or tell him you need to talk to him tomorrow about something that's bothering you. Today might be the first of many lovely days for you. I hope so. TT
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LOL!!! Melody alt least you got me laughing.
Yes they had sex in her garage in the dog bed. He says that all they ever did was hang out in her garage. She had two small children I guess they did not want them to know. He said they never went anywhere together. They hung out in the garage and talked.
I know it grosses me out. I just can not beleive it. If the OW would do that I think it shows what kind of person she is. She was truly trash.
I would not even sit in a dog bed.
Me (BS) - 38
Him (WS) - 40
DDay - 7/6/04
Seperated - 5/26/04 - 8/9/4
In Recovery
The Lord told me to Press On!
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I have such a hard time keeping my mouth shut. If I would learn to bring my triggers here we would be so much farther along in recovery.
He has been wonderful thru this recovery. If I asked him he would answer and be honest.
I also know that after the beautiful day we had he would be disappointed.
Me (BS) - 38
Him (WS) - 40
DDay - 7/6/04
Seperated - 5/26/04 - 8/9/4
In Recovery
The Lord told me to Press On!
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Let's face it, after having sex in the dog bed, you would need to clean up in the shower to get rid of all those nasty dog hairs. Yuk.
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Normally when these types of thought happen to me I either say nothing, or more often just admit, "I'm having a trigger that you and her showered together. That is hard to deal with. It is making me a little "ugh". But I had a really good time with you today at the beach, I love you, I'm glad you're home. I'll get over it, just had to get that off my chest as why I'm suddenly acting a little quiet."
Then it usually just blows over... it's better to say nothing, but sometimes I just can't help myself, and if I say nothing it just gets worse.
As far as Why did they? Why did any of our WS do any of it? He's not going to have a great reason...is he?
NTL
BW 43 me
FWH 39
M 1992; DD 18. 13
OC 8-05 - no contact
In recovery 8 years
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tummytuck,
I am with you on that one. I would have to have a shower!!! LOL
According to my husband and others that know, I would not have even gone in her home it was so dirty. I just do not get it, my husband is a very clean, put together man. He can not get out of the car without brushing his hair.
What in the world was he thinking.
Last edited by LiftedUp; 10/16/05 07:53 PM.
Me (BS) - 38
Him (WS) - 40
DDay - 7/6/04
Seperated - 5/26/04 - 8/9/4
In Recovery
The Lord told me to Press On!
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WOOF!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I can't stop laughing about this! ROFL
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What makes our WS's do the crazy SH*T that they do. Not in a million years would I have thought that my husband would have an affair and not have sex in the dog bed.
He did say that her bed was no better. It was covered in dog hair. She had several cats and a big dog. My husband does not even like animals.
OK Melody, the laugh is on my husband. Lets get back to answering the question please.
Me (BS) - 38
Him (WS) - 40
DDay - 7/6/04
Seperated - 5/26/04 - 8/9/4
In Recovery
The Lord told me to Press On!
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Sorry, LUP, couldn't help my badself there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Frankly, I wouldn't ask him because you probably already know the answer. No doubt its tempting, but its easy enough to figure it out. Asking him will likely just cause unnecessary embarrassment and ruin the mood of the day. But, it is always your right to ask.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Melody,
It is funny and I wonder what the ****** was he thinking! I am sure no WS is proud of when, where, or how they did their OP.
I really do struggle with just talking about the affair. What I mean by that is it is way to easy to bring it up. It just comes up in conversation and we talk about it. I know this is a good thing but when do we stop letting it be an everyday thing.
I want to move on. Sometimes things are out of my mouth before I realize. That is how comfortable we are talking about it. I am sure he would rather not but he always does.
Me (BS) - 38
Him (WS) - 40
DDay - 7/6/04
Seperated - 5/26/04 - 8/9/4
In Recovery
The Lord told me to Press On!
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Melody,
I guess if I had to pick someone on this board that I really listen to it would be you or Pep. Both of you really seem to have it together.
I pray for the day that I am where you are in my recovery. How have you done it?
Me (BS) - 38
Him (WS) - 40
DDay - 7/6/04
Seperated - 5/26/04 - 8/9/4
In Recovery
The Lord told me to Press On!
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Thanks, LU. I learned alot from the good folks on this forum and have been generously blessed by God. I married a not so good man and God changed him from the inside out. I was one angry woman when I first got here.
I think it is wonderful that you can talk about this with your H so freely. I think we talked about it off and on for about 2 years. The first year was so uncomfortable, though. And then I reached a point where I realized that I was asking questions out of habit and not for any real purpose. Every time I asked a question, it made him feel like a heel all over again. So I stopped asking eventually.
In your case, you are just over a year and still in recovery. You are still working it all through in your mind. I think you are doing just great, LiftedUp!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Do you know what hits me as so funny about the dog bed thing? It is a built in memory buster because everytime he thinks of OW, he will think of that stinky dog bed in a stinky garage and remember how very LOW he went. He will have to equate the OW with a DOG. ugh, what a memory!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Maybe for me that is a good thing!
I have wondered if it were true. Then I wonder why he would say such a thing if it were not true. His story has never changed. He has always said that her house was not clean, her car was not clean. We went to church with the OW so I can look at her and know that he is telling the truth.
Maybe he needs that reminder of where he has been and how low he went. I know that he loves me and I do him. I really think he went crazy. We were having money problems, he turned 40 and the OW was only 32. My son moved home from rehab and I was having some major health problems. I think he lost his self.
I really do not think there is any good memories for him about the affair.
Me (BS) - 38
Him (WS) - 40
DDay - 7/6/04
Seperated - 5/26/04 - 8/9/4
In Recovery
The Lord told me to Press On!
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Me (BS) - 38
Him (WS) - 40
DDay - 7/6/04
Seperated - 5/26/04 - 8/9/4
In Recovery
The Lord told me to Press On!
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LU, I agree with you that he probably doesn't have any good memories of the affair. And the dog metaphor and her uncleanliness can't help much at all. That is good!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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