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Joined: Oct 2005
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My H and I have fought with OW for five years to finally get a custody and visitation agreement through the courts. About eight months ago OW finally agreed, and our visitation schedule was every other weekend and every Weds night plus two weeks in the summer. Well...

Early last month OC said she wanted to go to school with our daughter and spend more time here in our home. OW agreed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> and registered OC into our elementary school, listing our home address and OC now stays with us 50% of the time. This new schedule and responsibility for OC's education is insanely time consuming and sometimes confusing....but worth getting to see her more.

Here's the problem: OW is not a very responsible parent. She lives in a two bedroom apartment that looks like a dumpster, OC does not even have a bed to sleep in, and OW has not been good about getting OC to school or getting OC to do her homework. We just had OC's teacher conference and she is seriously, seriously behind our other daughter in her skills and all talks with OW to rectify the situation fall on dead ears. OW does not want us to notify the court of the changes in the visitation or school because OW is on TANF and her benefits would be taken away. I feel that since OW signed all the paperwork to register her in our elementary listing our address, that the courts might see that as OW giving us "joint" custody, both legally and physically. I am trying to convince my H to file a request for modification with the court, but he's afraid to upset OW and cause another meltdown.

Right now our schedule is this: We get OC for two overnights, OW gets her for five overnights, We get her for five overnights, OW gets her for two overnights and all over again.....Confused, yet? I AM! I can't keep any of this straight. It would be easier on everyone if OC were with us during the school week while attending this school, and went to OW's house on weekends. But OW is "afraid OC will not deal well with being away from mommy so much" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I'll tell you, OC adjusts just fine, it's OW that can't adjust. So, we're keeping this insane schedule to soothe OW. I can't stand it. I've got three other children.....it's hard enough to stay on top of homework, feild trips, days off, and appointments without having to worry about whether or not I can remember which days OC is supposed to be here!

We've had the current schedule since Oct 21st, OW has kept her home from school twice because OC was "emotional" or "tired" and has only gotten her to school on time three days, not to mention OW keeps forgetting to have OC turn in her homework, does not transfer vital school items back and forth, and doesn't work on anything with OC (like alphabet, sounds, and number recognition). What should we do to make this situation better for everyone??


AVNL
Joined: Dec 2004
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Since you guys have already talked to ow and she thinks that oc would have a hard time adjusting maybe all of you including oc could sit down and talk about it and you all could see how she(oc) feels. Maybe if ow hears that oc would be just fine living with you guys during the week she would be more willing to let that happen. If this doesn't work or possibly before I would inform her that she needs to step up her parental involvement in oc's life where school is concerned. I would let her know up front that if you guys can not come up with a better solution or if with the current schedule she does not make some serious changes you guys will be going back to court. This schedule probably wont be a great idea long term if you guys are already having issues with it now KWIM.

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She needs to step up to the plate. I do homework with two kids in the same grade with two seperate sets of homework from two different teachers. We get it all done in two days and then consintrate on spelling words the rest of the week. I'm single too and to boot have a toddler that is everywhere. It's not rocket science with the homework. Time consuming yes, but it's part of life.

She agreed to this, and should make an effort to get her to school on time and to school.

If not then she should keep the child in the school distrist so she can get to school and do her homework.

Why be worried about rocking the boat over education? I would think that the court (if the school documents this) would have no problem doing what is best for oc. These early years are very important to learning for the next step in school.


Aka Marysway
Joined: Oct 2001
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Hi,
If she she is on TANF and modification to the CS is lowered she might get more. I don't think refiling for modification would hurt OW and if I were I would do it and document everything that is happening. Keep a journel to show to the courts. So, you have some kind of proof. I would document everything that concerns you and what she agreed to. That will help your case a lot.

Dawn
'

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You should see an attorney about filing for a modification. A competent attorney will be able to tell you if there is enough to warrant a change in primary custody. In the meantime, keep a very detailed journal detailing every problem with OW's care of OC. Be very accurate with times and dates and details. If you end up in a full blown custody trial, it will be helpful to have that to refer to, and it generally makes one more credible to the judge.

Warmest,
Donna

Joined: Nov 2005
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If you are looking for legal advice, you have simply come to a wrong place. Sorry, but it is IMPOSSIBLE for an attorney to post you a legal advice for your problem; such a person would violate about a dozen ethical rules. (Not to mention it would violate his/her most important need: get as much money out of you as he/she could.) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If you are looking for general advice or a shoulder to cry on, you are welcomed.


Me: 50. W: 50. Happily married since 1993. 3 kids.
Joined: Jan 2001
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That's not entirely accurate. I am an attorney. It is true that talking to people about their legal problems online could pose several ethical problems if one was not very cautious. For instance, I would not give specific legal advice to someone in a state in which I am not licensed. However, if it was a PA case (where I am licensed) I would not have any problem giving some general pointers. In addition, there are some concepts that are universally good ideas - for example, keeping a written log in custody cases, as I suggested above. And sometimes the best advice one can give is to go and see an attorney in person, which I would always suggest. There is simply no substitute for having an attorney listen to the details and give competent legal advice.

That will be $200.00 for the clarification. (hahahahaha)

cd


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