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Joined: Nov 2004
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WH had told me OW had stated 2 months ago that they were selling their home and moving out of state. I was happy with this. Howeve, I knew from the past the truth is not always given. Yesterday I got ahold of a realtor friend up where OW lives. We are not able to get into their MLS here. I asked him to ck to see if there home was listed, undercontract or closed. After cking ect it has never been listed. They live out in the woods so to speak and seeling by themselves would not work as they are so rural they would have no drive by's. So in order to sell they would need realtor exposure. This realtor is trying to get alhold of them to see if they would like to sell. He should be getting in touch with me soon. I have not said a thing to WH about this. I am proud of myself for not pouncing on him with this new truth.
I am holding myself calmly as possible. If I find out they they never intended to sell then I will know that this was stated so that the A could continue. I know WH will lie again and state "That is what I was told". Mr inoccent again. I can visualize him now, with a shrug of his shoulders. I have a closing in early Dec. Which would make it easy for me to leave. Finally. I need someone to talk to about this. How I should handle myself ect. I am all on my own here with no friends or family close. I need support to help me thro this day. Nov. 22nd will be my 1 yr anniversary for D-Day -with one NC broken 2 months ago at a retirement luncheon. In which WH stated her H was with her and he was the one who told him they were selling and moving and hoped it would be in time for the holidays. Looks like a no on that story.


married 21
Together 26 -
OW 2yrs, he worked with her and found secret e-mail account.The first cut is the deepest.
just found out H is a serial cheater - total cut to pieces now- saw a D lawyer today.
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Hugz R. Your D/d is about the same time of the year as mine. Oh yea, this is a trigger. ;(

Keep posting here. We will be here to help.

Proud u r able to find info and stay put. That patience thingy is working eh?!??!?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

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Have you been in touch with the OWH?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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realtor,

I'm confused. Why do you need a 2x4 and why would you ever call yourself stupid? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

O


BW(me)40 DDay 10/11/03 Divorcing 'The Reformer'- enneagram type 1 ~Let Higher Minds Prevail~ --------------- ~Life isn't complicated,we make it that way~
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I should never have believed him. I was starting to see the loving H I had M after he was on strike for 5 wks. The last 3 weeks he was so loving and seet just like he used to be. Now this. I just feel wiped out.
You see over the last year. I have found out that my FIL always had Ow, his brother D his 1st W, and married his secretary, my H had had an A on his 1st W. She ended her M to him and was having multiple A's of her own. He was devasted by this and I thought he knew never to do this again. Before we M we had deicussed this and swore to each other never to do something like this to each other. It was something we always discussed. Now this.
Melody I plan on calling OWH tomorrow am when I know he will be home. Also when WH will be home and not able to get phone calls from her at work. I do not want her to be warned. I want to hit when no one is able to warn the other. I am also waiting for my realtor friend to call me. About their listing. I want all the info I can get before I do anything. It is so hard waiting. I tend to jump and take care of things right away, I do not like to let things fester. I was awake most of the night last night with dreams. Ugh.


married 21
Together 26 -
OW 2yrs, he worked with her and found secret e-mail account.The first cut is the deepest.
just found out H is a serial cheater - total cut to pieces now- saw a D lawyer today.
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,719
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bump


married 21
Together 26 -
OW 2yrs, he worked with her and found secret e-mail account.The first cut is the deepest.
just found out H is a serial cheater - total cut to pieces now- saw a D lawyer today.
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,719
R
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OP Offline
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R
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,719
Kust heard from my realtor freind and they are not interested in selling at this time. Just thinking about moving. No decisions have been made. So this was a lie.My H told me this to stop me from cking on him and questioning him. There is a mojor difference between thikning and selling. Now should I let WH know that I am on to his game. I am just so sick of all this deception.


married 21
Together 26 -
OW 2yrs, he worked with her and found secret e-mail account.The first cut is the deepest.
just found out H is a serial cheater - total cut to pieces now- saw a D lawyer today.
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981
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Before you go charging in with accusations, maybe your husband is telling the truth.

You said he has been acting lovingly. You can't dispute this.

I myself, have discussed many times moving. I have been moving for over 20 years, lol. I say that jokingly, because we have owned and lived in the same house since 85 and have wanted to move out this town I live in since 75, lol.

Maybe the owh said this for your xwh's benefit. To send a message that ow has moved on.

I wouldn't be suggesting holding off normally, but since you said you have seen a difference in his behavior and if he was still seeing o/w, his behavior would probably revert back to the way it was when he was deep involved in affair.

Wasn't he supercritical of you during his affair?????

Do you see where I am going with this.

Take some time, don't jump your xws. He might be innocent.


In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.

Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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Hi realtor,

You should definitely check this out with OWH. He is the only one who knows what he said or didn't say. I also have wanted to move often and mentioned it, but not acted on it... So maybe your H really was told this. Did you ever verify that OWH was really at the luncheon?

Kudos for being patient. Good Luck,
jls

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realtor- Its extremely possible the OWH did tell your H that they were going to be moving. It could be something that they were considering and now keep changing their minds about.

Be as gracious as possible when speaking to the OWH. Just let him know what your H told you and that when you heard they weren't moving, you thought you'd ask him directly so no one would be misunderstood.

I strongly suggest not immediately painting your husband as a deceiver until you know more.

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Ok -holding back here and we shall see. If the old behavior resurfaces the I charge. I am breathing normal. Thanks -wasn't to sure how to handle this. Thank-you all for the advise.


married 21
Together 26 -
OW 2yrs, he worked with her and found secret e-mail account.The first cut is the deepest.
just found out H is a serial cheater - total cut to pieces now- saw a D lawyer today.
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981
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Joined: Aug 2005
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I'm glad your putting your emotions on hold Realtor.

I have been so excited for you lately with all the progress you have been making.

I hate to see you set back your relationship by lbing.

I will be hoping your husband is right.


In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.

Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 519
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realtor*-

Calm and controlled is always the best way to handle things. This is coming from one of the most (formerly) reactive people you have ever met. Let the emotions subside, then proceed with the detective work. Hold the accusations for a while.

I think I would be in a different place right now if I was able to act thusly in the past year.

Btw, my d/d is the 27th...so my anniversary of sorts is just around the corner as well. Too bad my D will be final right about the same time...

TM


BH (Me) 32, WW 38 no kids been together 14.5 yrs. married 9 D-day 12/5/04 D final 11/23/05, she got it all...I just wanted out. Done with her...selfishness is not a virtue

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