Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,661
F
Faith1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,661
OK, a lonnngggg time ago, I posted about "raising the bar", when I was going on a date with someone I felt was above my usual league. He and his family own businesses, he has a nice house, he doesn't have kids, and he is a good Christian "nice guy". The date went well, and we talked on the phone that evening.

A couple of weeks went by, and he didn't call (Mr. Slow), and when he DID, I was in a committed relationship, so I politely turned him down. He understood, wished me luck, and said to call him if things didn't work out.

Things didn't work out, so I called him. He was happy to hear from me, and we had Date #2. It went well! We talked on the phone the next night. 2 weeks went by, he called me to go out, I was busy, so he called me the next weekend, and I was committed to someone else, and politely turned him down again. We both expressed our interest in each other, but the timing wasn't working out, etc. He understood, wished me well, and said call him if things didn't work out.

So, I called him yesterday. We talked for a while, and he was glad to hear from me. He was afraid he'd messed up this last time (the 2nd time) when I turned him down. I reassured him that NOW, there's noone else around - I'm not on match anymore, and there's noone else in the picture..... I'd like to see him and get to know him better, and see how things go... and I won't be pulling "that card" a 3rd time. He also said (I didn't bring it up) that he would call more often... that he had run another girl off one time because he called too much... that he likes to talk (which is fine with me!)... so he was trying to do better by not calling so much. hehe.. I told him it's fine to call me more often. He said several times that he was glad to hear from me.

Soooooo His birthday was this past weekend, and I took that as the perfect opportunity to offer to take him out to a birthday dinner. He accepted. I said it's my treat, and he could pick the place. We're going Wed after work.

Soooo.... would a card be OK to give him? Should I give him anything else? I'm thinking NOT, at this point, since it's our 3rd date, over a span of 5 months. But surely a simple, friendly, funny card would be OK?

Also... he offered to come pick me up at my house, but, me being so logical, I figured it would be EASIER to just meet him at the restaurant after work. So we agreed to do that. But, now I'm thinking it would be nice for him to pick me up, even though logically it doesn't make sense because of where I work, where the restaurant is, and where we both live, and it would make it later... and I was thinking we might catch a movie after dinner if we feel like it.... But.... it would be nice to ride together. (And in case anyone's wondering, trust is not an issue. I completely trust riding with him, and him coming by my house.)

Soooo... what do you members of the jury think? Card? Small gift? Ride together or meet there?

Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,430
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,430
First let me say I'm happy for you Faith.

I say card would be very nice, dinner I would think would be gift at this point, and I don't see anything wrong with meeting him there based on your point of work and all. I say take the ride next time though!!

Have a great time!
Karona


Divorced 12/17/2003 Formerly KEB1205 Reg 9/02
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
I totally agree with everything Karona said!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

And have a great time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Relax and enjoy his company. And of course keep us posted on the juicy details. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Me, 43
DS18, DD12
Divorce final May 10, 2007
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,707
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,707
Good for you for calling him and I'm happy for you, too. I agree about the card and dinner, but I think if you'd like him to pick you up, by all means, let him do it! Since you asked him out and you're buying dinner, it would be nice to let him do one chivalrous thing (he can hold the door for you, too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ).


FBS, D'day 12/00 * NC since 5/02 * divorce final 5/06 * property settlement 9/06 What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has Magic, Power, and Genius in it. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,661
F
Faith1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,661
Thanks, Ladies! Card, no gift. Gotcha! The ride is still up for debate... I kindof like your chivalry perspective, LetsTry. I'll talk to him again before Wednesday, so I'll feel him out again. I'm sorta leaning toward riding with him.

"Juicy" details? yeah, right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 308
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 308
Yeah! Slow guy may pick up some speed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> You know I'm interested in hearing how it goes!!! Especially if you get a kiss!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

One thing I would do in this situation-and this is just me-set up the next date when you see him. Like, Saturday, if possible...not sure of your all's logistics. Let him pick you up, ask him in for a glass of wine (if that's your bag!)

But I say, you go girl! Do what you want...what do you have to lose? I myself, WOULD get him a SMALL gift, but that's just me... maybe a Christmas ornament concerning something he likes if he's shared, you can find one for anything! Or maybe a candle...some small item. It will make him feel special and it doesn't have to be big-again, what would you do if he were a girl? What if you and I had met and we were meeting and it was MY birthday and you were taking me out...for margaritas...oh, sorry, sidetracked, but would you get a gal something? If not, that's okay, but I probably would pick something up for a new friend...and definitely some funny card. You could find the perfect one if you take the time! I'm excited for you! PLEASE let us know how it goes!


"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same"- Nelson Mandella
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,661
F
Faith1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,661
Oh man... conflicting opinions. Just like the voices in my head LOL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

GUYS!!!! What do you think???? C'mon, Good MB men.

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,661
F
Faith1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,661
Oh, Drita, you didn't tell US if you finally got a 6-week kiss or not! ???? hmmmmm ????

Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 826
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 826
Faith-

Definitely a card, and I agree that dinner is your gift. As for the ride, I say have him pick you up. It just makes it cozier, more together. Enjoy!

Take care and God bless!
K

Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 308
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 308
Heck no! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
He's about out! I'm thinking maybe we are more friends than anything... BUT, FYI, I'm taking him to a hockey game for his birthday if that tells ya anything about a "gift"...? (don't want to hijack...maybe I should just start my own thread!!)
I'm meeting some other dude tomorrow, maybe he'll be more into me!


"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same"- Nelson Mandella
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 4,199
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 4,199
Card, the dinner is the gift. Keep giving us hope, and stick with the nice guys.


It was a marriage that never really started.
H: Conflict Avoider, NPD No communication skills (Confirmed by MC) Me: Enabler
Sep'd 12/01, D'd 08/03.
My joys and the light of my life: DD 11, DD 9
*Approach life and situations from the point of love - not from fear.*
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 613
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 613
Funny card, dinner is a very fine gift & gesture, meeting there is OK - however next time, let him pick you up.

Have fun, laugh out-loud, enjoy yourself. He may be "the one"!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

FR


You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. Challenges can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks. It’s just a matter of how you look at them. The purpose of life is to live it, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,661
F
Faith1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,661
Thanks, folks!

Quote
He may be "the one"!!!

You never know! (but no... I'm not counting on it either!) I'll definitely keep ya'll posted. Every relationship I've had has been with VERY different types of men, and this one is definitely different as well. And just like I started out describing, he "seems" out of my league, but not really. But he makes me feel different somehow..... seems like he cherishes and values my time and attention, but doesn't NEED it... (does that make sense?) And that's part of what I wanted when I wanted to "raise the bar", was to get away from needy/clingy men. I dated 1 for a month that wasn't needy/clingy, but he sortof kept shaking me off like I had cooties or something. LOL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> This one is confident and comfortable in his life, but also gentle and receptive to me.

Thank you all for your input!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I'll stick with a card only. And I'll run the driving thing past him one more time, but I won't make a big deal out of it.

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,661
F
Faith1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 3,661
Date went great! He loved the card, appreciated dinner (he tried to pay anyway! hehe I didn't let him!), and we went to a movie. Chicken Little. We met there, and discovered the restaurant wasn't there anymore. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> He mentioned he really needed to mail something, and I knew where a post office was still open at the mall, so we changed plans and went there. Left my car and rode together to the restaurant and movie, then back to my car. SO we ended up riding together for part of the evening! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

He opened ALLLLLL the doors for me. And I remembered the tips you guys gave on other threads, and made sure I sat close to him in the movie <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.

We hugged good-night, and he kissed my cheek. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

We said we'd go out again, and he said maybe a movie at his house, but we didnt set a date.

Enough boring details? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,257
You go girl!!! I've been wondering about you all night!!! I'm so happy for you!!!

P.S. Say a prayer for me I have a major job interview tomorrow morning!

hugs and night


Me, 43
DS18, DD12
Divorce final May 10, 2007
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 684
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 684
Quote
Soooo... what do you members of the jury think? Card? Small gift? Ride together or meet there?


Me...
Card. Not a funny one though.
For he didn't deserve a gift, not yet, and you are not a gentleman. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Ride together. Somehow respect you and add value more...


I'm not Belonging to Nowhere anymore! :-)
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 684
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 684
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Hahaha
I shouldn't read just the first post. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

However, I'm glad you enjoyed and had a nice date!!


I'm not Belonging to Nowhere anymore! :-)
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 228
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 228
Faith,

Sounds like a great night for you! I'm happy for ya!

Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,430
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,430
Faith~~

Your date sounds like it went great!
Ahhh, the romance!

"We hugged good-night, and he kissed my cheek."
Mr Slow picked up the pace a little bit! I think this was a perfect ending! So sincere!

Can't wait to hear updates.

Karona


Divorced 12/17/2003 Formerly KEB1205 Reg 9/02
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 308
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 308
Cool, he went to a "chick flick" with you... hee hee!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like it went GREAT, I'm excited for you! Thanks for keep us "posted" (I'm on a roll this morning!) and let us know when he calls! It better not be in two weeks!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

And you got a kiss already! I'm so jealous!

Take care!

My thoughts are with you this morning on your interview Karona, go get 'em!!!


"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same"- Nelson Mandella
Page 1 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (NewEveryDay), 1,357 guests, and 77 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5