Lady:

It is not that these doctors are "behind the times"......MOSTLY ALL DOCTORS ARE BEHIND THE TIMES HERE WITH HPV TESTING, especically with it's (HPV) now being more righfully considered an STD.

Lem

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Love ya Lem.

By the way...don't know if you know this...but when I contradict you I do it mostly cause I think the poster is not ready for ya yet. I usually agree and think the poster will come back 2, 3 or 6 months later and say "Oh yeah...wish I'd listen to Lem" but I just take there side so they won't feel bad for not quite being where you think they should be in this process. I always presume you will come back with a LOL no matter how harsh I am. You, JP and all are successes and I will never again refer to you otherwise.

Your dead right about EH. I give him about 2 or 3 weeks before he gets bored. He'll run out of people to offend so he'll have to resort to offending himself. Offending himself...hmmmm...perhaps an alternative to pornography???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


On the HPV thing. They have or will very shortly have a vacinne for this. I listened to a nightline or other late night tv news show a few weeks ago and they discussed the need for some reason to give this vacine to young girls at ages 13, 14 or 15 before any of them become sexually active and the difficulties with voluntary vaccination programs. The HPV virus significanty increase the chances of cervical cancer and the vacinne is going to be highly effective supposedly. They said, they fear the conservative oligarchy may attempt to discredit or otherwise interfere with it's production and dissemination to young woman on the auspices it indirectly promotes and/or condones sexual activity at a young age.

Something to watch for as when it becomes available even married couples should get vacinated for the reasons this thread originally addressed.

Mr. Wondering

That's probably what most clinics are doing ... follow up with HPV if the pap comes back ASCUS (atypical squamous cells of undetermined significance) ... with dysplasia (more abnormal) follow up is usually colposcopy

If fact, we don't screen women under 30 routinely with HPV along with the pap because, under 30, it is COMMON for women to carry the virus for awhile ... and then the body's immune system gets rid of it... . most younger women will carry the virus on her cervix for a temporary time ... without it causing disease or harm !!! this is contrary to what we used to be told.

If we HPV screen younger women with her pap, we'd be chasing positive results all the time ... with younger women, it makes more sense to just do annual paps. , and do HPV for mildly abnormal paps.

next year the whole screening proceedure may be different ... it is evolving after decades of no changes

Hey Ron - I didn't mean to call you out.

You said "I'll stop short of saying that Dr. H's lack of "coverage" of this is a disservice to those he (and this site) are attempting to help, but I will say that it's definitely an oversight that really does need to be addressed."

Why not call it what it is - a disservice is putting it mildly. We BS's are told to meet the WS's ENs. We are desperate and wanting to save our marriages. SOMEONE needs to put the test for STDs caveat in there.

It's OK. The good doctor has been fighting this almost singlehandedly for too long. If one's got to pick a fight, this is as good as any. I don't believe either of us is naive enough to think we'll win (educating the masses), but it strikes me as a noble endeavor.

LM:

Let me ask you or any others this...

This is specific to LM, though...

Envision the person you love most in this world...

You are presented with the opportunity to use your expertise to SAVE THE LIFE of this person....

The only way that YOU can do this is to drive 95mph down the interstate on a rainy night....

YOUR ONLY PRECAUTION is a SEATBELT...

Would you do this...

The analogy..to save my marriage (near and dear to me)..I used all the precautions available..knowing that this almost had to be done to SAVE IT...

I took a CALCULATED RISK....

Don't we take CALCULATED RISKS a lot in this life..being realistic here?

Just wondering...not to debate this...

As some of you already know, I personally would do it all again..it was worth the RISK to ME...

Okay. Everything you said, I understand. It's hard for me to change. I would if I could, and I try, since it's what my wife complains of alot, but it's ingrained. I don't mean to be rude, not at all, nor insult you, it just happens. Go figure.

Sadly, I missed the irony... I see the practicality of my cold advice as something that some need to hear. I'm not bulletproof either. I suspect (paranoia) that soon, one day, I will get "news" of my wife's "relapse" into the affair which I will never recover. I hope not. In my bleak moments I think so, but logically I feel she loves me.

But I am not her keeper.

If you have some tips on tact, I would appreciate them, greatly. I intend to use those tips to further swoon my wife into loving me beyond belief (more than my amorous charms), and grabbing hold of her heart forever...

I'll pay the whole tab, and show up as the poster child for this...I'm the "member" as believer puts it!

Lemonman has campaigned long and hard (to anyone who would listen) warning of the dangers inherent to unprotected sex with wayward spouses as well as imploring all concerned to have themselves and their spouses/significant others undergo testing for STD's.

I'll stop short of saying that Dr. H's lack of "coverage" of this is a disservice to those he (and this site) are attempting to help, but I will say that it's definitely an oversight that really does need to be addressed.

LM, you once said that anything you could do, just ask...well my friend, JUST KEEP SPREADING THE GOSPEL. If I have to be the "poster child", then you my friend have to be the "Paul Revere"!

I listened to Lemonman, he hammered me to get testing, stay abstinent, etc... If it wasn't for his advice I probably would have slipped up with my H many times. I slipped up once. I hope it wasn't once to many <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> .

Ron53, How are you doing now? I don't know you and your wifes story? What happened in short?

Lady

Thanks. I''m so glad you validate my decision to remain with my wife. She had an EA w/cybersex, but as she put it, it was her "porn". My wife has a good way of describing things, and putting things into perspective. I'm lucky.

Lady - I have found great comfort in a feature on this site - when you click on a poster's name, it takes you to a multiple choice panel, and one of the options is to "ignore this poster". I had to do that with this poster and a couple others who advocate a worldly POV that porn is an asset to a marriage. I don't know who is sitting on the other side of the internet, posting from computers under these i.d.s but for me, it might as well be the devil himself. So I made it so I can't read "marriage building" contributions from those who advocate stuff that has destroyed mine.

Kayla,
Thankyou, It has been done. I was wondering how to do that yesterday. This is the first time I have ever had to do it with a poster, as his posts on this thread and others has been very disturbing.

I hope he didn't ruin my thread, which was probably his intention.


Thanks again, Lady

”I don't know you and your wife’s story? What happened in short?

just found out - again

the delicate question

response to LemonMan on STDs

the aftermath

it's a twisted tale (aren't they all), hope you can follow...

LS,LM and others,
This thread was very near and dear to me as I'm in 100% total agreement of what LM has been stating all along.

My Story:
I had been married to my W for nearly 32 years, raised a family(now grown and out of house) and, as all of us BS's thought, would never be betrayed by my wonderful wife and mother of my children.

Fall of 2001, I develope odd looking moles on my genitals. Surely it will go away, I thought. Just a quirky thing that can't be explained. We all have these anomalies in our bodies from time to time. Not worth thinking about.
WRONG!!!!

Condition continues to exitst and it begins to become a concern I can no longer overlook. I actually show my wife and tell her how perplexed I am(never heard of HPV before).
We lived a monogomus marriage for a lifetime and I could not even entertain the thought that an STD would have shown it's ugly head, as I had been completely faithful, and I'm absolutely sure she has been too !!

I continue in denial for bout another 8 mos. being naieve and ignorent. I began a search on internet for what this could possibly represent, and it ALWAYS directed me to HPV virus. Not possible, I thought.

Finally, after much agonising and spectulation, I tell my wife that I am going to DR. and have this diagnosed. She agrees this is the best thing to do, as I don't know what this could possibly be.

In the meantime, wife becomes paronoid about OM and contacts him for a confrontation. He finally admits, after much denial, that, "yea, I had that about 5 years ago, but had it taken care of(the f---- idio!)

Wife realises, she may have a major problem hiding her secret from a year ago, but still insists I go to DR. as planned. Still no confession from wife, as, she was not about to disclose her ONS, on the outside chance that is was not HPV.

Took DR. about 5 seconds to diagnose what I had and I can't even begin to tell you the devastation that took place in my heart! My wife KNEW and let me go to our family practioner of 25 years, hoping against all hope, that it was something else. This hurts tremendously, to this day, that I did not really have to unveil this infidelity to him also.

I resent the fact, that to this day, my wife could have ended her secret and sparred me and her the embarressment of letting our family DR. know of what took place!

I posted a few replies in JFO forum about STD's and like LM,
very seldom got a response from anyone about that. We get so caught up in trying to salvage our M that we often forget about the health risks involved in having SF with a WS.

I can only restate that, an STD, is the only way I found out about my wife's ONS, and would never had found out if it weren't for that.

HPV is not really dangerous for me, but it is actually far more dangerous for my wife. I INSIST, that she have a yearly Pap smear, as it is the 90% cause of cervical cancer.
This is why the medical profession in now concentrating on a prevention of HPV rather than doing more research into cervical cancer. HPV is present in all cervical cancer patients. LM, correct me if I'm wrong.

This is why they are now trying to produce and distribute to girls from 11 to 15 a vaccination(if you will), a form of immunization against HPV, before they become sexally active.

LS, hang in there. I had my warts burned off with a laser. It took several burnings to finally complish this but it has now been over 2 years since any reoccurence. For me it is not life threatining, but I often fear for my wife, as the implications for women is more threatening.

You are in my prayers,
All Blessings,
Jerry

it's a twisted tale (aren't they all), hope you can follow...

Ron, thankyou for the links. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your wife just 8 short months ago.

I did have a hard time following your story somewhat. If you don't mind, could I ask a few questions. If my questions are too much, that is okay, I would understand.


Did you know prior to your wifes passing that she had Aids?

Did she ever get tested, or did she refuse to be tested?

Did she get tested but kept the results secret?

Lady

”Did you know prior to your wife’s passing that she had Aids?’

NO! “D-day was June 13 2004. Both of us had FULL physicals on July 1(or so I thought). At that time I had the full battery of tests. I was told that she did also (as well as a pregnancy test, as there can be no divorce in this state if the wife is pregnant).

It was only after the fact (pulling medical records postmortem) that I learned that neither a test for STDs or pregnancy had been performed by her physician. Whether any tests were performed at any other facilities/physicians is unknown (but doubtful). It was also after the fact (6 days as a matter of fact) when the lab work came back that her doctor realized there were “anomalies”. In the good doctor’s defense (and she is just that, a good doctor), she had never been told of any possible exposure to STD or HIV. She did the best she could do given the information at hand.

In writing this, a glaring omission on my part becomes obvious...did I ever ask to see results of these tests? NO, she started her period...ok, she’s not pregnant (wow, big relief for me), she said everything was “OK", so I left it at that. As I’ve alluded to several times in various threads, any mention of her cavalier approach to either the spectre of pregnancy or STDs ALWAYS lead to very heated discussion. The subject was only broached twice, and both times I had the divorce paperwork thrown in my face with very explicit instructions to “then divorce my a$$ if it bothers you so much”.

The “knowing” part...did she know...my wife was many things, but stupid (in spite of her behavior) was not one of them. I strongly suspect that she knew something. Something more then she was telling me, or our family. It may have been nothing more than a feeling that her time was at hand. To be absolutely honest with you (and myself), I don’t think she wanted to live anymore. Whether it was killing the baby years ago, the loss of our son, the loss of her lover, the loss of herself, or the ultimate destruction of our family...the consequences had finally rolled around, and she DID NOT want to face any of it.


”Did she ever get tested, or did she refuse to be tested?”

I’ll answer in her words...”I refuse to live in fear”.


”Did she get tested but kept the results secret?

I don’t believe so, and I base that simply on her answer to me when I asked what she would have done if she had gotten pregnant by one of these men. She told me she would have simply “run away”. I assumed then that she meant, literally, that she would have simply packed up one day and gone off to live her life. No good-bye, no farewell, just gone one day...out of our lives however. Perhaps what she really meant was that she’d simply “run away” from life. I suppose that not wanting to live any longer qualifies...

Jerry,

I'm sorry it took a while for me to get back here. I have been exhausted mentally and physically through this...had to lay down for a nap, get dinner etc...

Thankyou for taking the time to share your story here.
It must have been devastating at the time, and truly it's the reality of what can happen through infidelity. It's astonishing your W kept that secret for a whole year, until she couldn't keep it no longer, unfortuanately through an STD.

Did you ever sense something was wrong during the time of her ONS?

Your experience is very much like mine, except I knew of my H infidelity. And to tell you the truth, I don't trust that that was his only time of cheating on me. I don't know if I am being paranoid, or it's the intuition of God telling me he has done it more. I just don't believe him when he tells me that was the only time.

I didn't know about the lesions, he called moles until last week, 4 months later of his infidelity (if that was the only time)!! As I read it generally take 3-4 months for symptoms. How long was it until you noticed the lesions?

I am still somewhat furious, as he tried to pull them off as moles/age spots last week, and then "said" his Dr. told him that (not sure if he is lieing about that... yet). I can't wait to talk to his Dr.!! If a PA could diagnose those in 15 sec., I'm sure his Dr could have.


It was an STD I had never heard of, or thought of through all the testing we had done prior and are still waiting for results for.

All I can say now Jerry, is I am scared. I am scared my H can walk out the door and cheat at any time.
And....I am scared of STD's now. I am not doing emotionally well through this. Since finding out about the STD, Here I am on MB...searching the internet...calling many Dr's...and clinics. My H is doing nothing. You would think his knowing he has it he would want info wouldn't you?
He is acting so nonchalant about his diagnosis, and that scares me too!! And I'm scared I might have it now! I am usually not a fearful person, but I am scared. And did I tell you...I'm scared!!!???


How are you and your W doing now in recovery?

Thanks again Jerry,
Lady

Ron,

That is so scary!! Did I say scary!!?? Your wife left you in the dark about so much!!!

How could she not get tested? How could have she has just gone on the way she did?

How devastating that must have been for you!! Truly I don't know how you lived through all of that mentally...by grace maybe!

I don't know what to say except I pray Gods comfort and guidance for you now. May you have a better life than you ever imagined possible!! You truly deserve all the best!!

Sincerely,
Lady

Lady -

Try to remain as calm as possible. Yes, it is awful that your husband exposed you, but it isn't the end of the world. Chances are very good that you won't have any problems.

I think the saddest thing about Ron's story is that his wife died, and he didn't get any kind of closure. They were finally in recovery, but ran out of time. When she died, she left her husband and grown children with no answers.

As a woman and mother, I can't think of anything more tragic.

I think the saddest thing about Ron's story is that his wife died, and he didn't get any kind of closure. They were finally in recovery, but ran out of time. When she died, she left her husband and grown children with no answers.

As a woman and mother, I can't think of anything more tragic.
Believer it is probably the most tragic I have ever heard of also. I am truly so sad for him, his family, and knowing the recovery he has to go through now is beyond my comprehension. With so many questions not answered.
It's very sombering and sad to think that she would leave that way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Lady

oh! i just read through this. Its so scary to read what we have to go through as BS for the fault of our H's. I mean this is completely disgusting. Due to their choices and actions we have to suffer always.....

I have not even thought about getting tested yet. I know my H will never do it but i guess i should do it.

Thanks lemon.