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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 64
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OP
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 64 |
H left a message on the phone that he wants to "touch base". He said he'd be over tonight. He moved out 9/3 to think and have the freedom for the ow. I believe she gave him an ultimatum. He had been in and out three times this summer.Disclosure was 8/30 this year. He's been seeing her since April '98. Last week he said he wanted to come home and then changed his mind because he can't give her up. I think he's going to tell me he's decided to choose her. How do I cope with this? I've been doing plan A since he told me about her. I miss my husband so much and I deeply love him. I'm so tired of all this. I want my life back. Is there really life after affairs? <P>
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Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 397
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Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 397 |
Calm down, take a deep breath. Try to relax. You don't know what he may want to talk about. Maybe he wants to come home. Try to be open minded and calm.
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798 |
Keep on with Plan A. The OW probably is making ultimatums. Hopefully she's getting ugly about it. Even if he tells you tonight he is choosing her, or wants a divorce, that isn't the end. The main ingredient in adultery is becoming double-minded. Just because he says he has made a decision doesn't mean that it will last. You've already seen that with him in and out of the house. My H has done the very same thing for over a year, with his affair beginning in 4/98.<P>You decide what your goals are. If you want this marriage, don't YOU do anything that gets in the way of that goal for you. You can't control anything he does.<P><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 64
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OP
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 64 |
Thanks Lor and Vickie. He just left. He said he was going to rent his apartment another month. He is seeing a therapist and she told him he isn't ready to come home. He would probably just leave again. He says he thinks about coming home but he can't give her up and he would miss her. Also, her husband is making overtures toward reconciliation. Of course she doesn't want him she wants my husband. Such a mess! My h isn't doing so well. He called out of work two days last week and everyday for this week. Do you think the ow just told my h about her h so he would make a decision for her? Just a thought.<BR> I tried to keep up with Plan A.I had something ready for supper. But I did get a little weepy. Thanks again for the advice and for listening.
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 64
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OP
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Joined: Aug 1999
Posts: 64 |
Lor, you said your h affair also started 4/98. Is he still undecided and going back and forth? This is so difficult to live with.
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