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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 16
T
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T
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 16
Long update, where do I begin?

I guess for those that remembered, we had plumbing problems while I was pg with baby F. who is now nicknamed Spudgey.
Mr. T's parents gave his Uncle (a former crack addict no less) to fix the plumbing when he moved from Oregon to Louisiana. The money nor his Uncle never showed up.
I was pursuing a child support increase against ex-husband#1, "Wild" Bill and he was getting nasty about that. The plumbing situation got worse until it was to the point that we didn't have working toilets in any of the bathrooms. I had to essentially be a "gong" farmer, I had to take a bucket, slop the toilets and take the junk to the carport and "flush" the waste down the drain there. All the while Mr. "T" was still working his ridiculous hours. I've had enough. I called my mother and my sister and made arrangements to move in with my sister temporarily until either Mr. "T" fixes the plumbing or found a new place to live. It was not right that me and the kids had to crap in walmart bags while he had use of public toilets and the toilets at the place where he worked.

I told Mr. "T" what I was doing and he got upset. Upset that I told my mother about the plumbing. What other choice did I have? Wait until child protective services found out and lose MY kids??? So the day I was ready to leave, he served me with intent to divorce papers. I left Louisiana in December of 2004.

Living with my sister was a living ******, she is a divorced mom with just one child, renting the house (3 br house) that we grew up in from my mother. She was not used to so many kids around and it was just an uncomfortable situation all around. I tried to find funding to go back to school as a displaced homemaker and qualified for training, but my problem was daycare funding. I could not afford $500 a week quoted to me. Finding a job was near impossible and I was worried about what to do. Meanwhile, living with my sister was ******. I had to find my own place to live.

Thankfully I had child support and alimony coming in, as well as I qualified for foodstamps and medicaid for the kids and to a lesser extent, myself. So I managed to find the cheapest place I could rent, which was a 3 br, 2 ba apartment for $975 a month. Needless to say, money is tight around here. I wasn't about to sit around and wait until Spudgey was old enough to start school(she's 3 now) to find work or get qualified for work, so I managed to get myself into online school and am earning my bachelor's degree in Paralegal Studies. I'll be paying student loans out the butt, but it will be worth it. Eventually I'd like to go to law school and become an attorney and specialize in, what else, family law.

I also plan to be a strong voice for Father's rights. I see both sides of the coin from not getting what my children deserve from ex-husband #1 to being reamed in courts without lube due to the OW/OC situation that I've had to deal with in regards to ex-#2, I plan to do what I can to help enact laws that protect the family and children of the marriage while making it fair for OC's etc. without OW using the money to buy beer, big screen t.v's and basically use the child for extra income while they collect welfare benefits. Not happening on my shift. I might even look into going into the area of welfare fraud. I've dealt with this so much that I plan to channel the anger into something that might help people in the future, since I've been screwed over so badly.

I tried for three years to make the marriage work after OW called on May 1, 2001. I did marriage counseling, I did what I could, but it ended anyway. The stress of finances was number one. Getting screwed over by people who just didn't give a crap was another factor. and sorry, the lack of trust. Trust was never able to be rebuilt in Mr. T's and my relationship. He scarred me deeply. The whole thing was senseless and left me reeling. I tried, I really did, but in the end, it didn't work. For that I'm saddened, but perhaps it was for the best because shortly after I moved out, he had a new gf move in. From what I hear, he was seeing her about the same time as OW, so these things have a way of working out.

Dating was foreign to me after all this...for so long I felt ugly and unattractive because I used the line of reasoning, "Well, if Mr. T cheated on me with gardella the Hutt (OW looks like jabba the hutt) that must not say much for me...blah blah blah" it was weird actually being complimented on my looks and getting attention from other men.

Sadly, I learned too quick who was married and who wasn't. Ladies, I've discovered that there are many unhappy married men out there and I've heard every line that the OW's from the other place that we used to have words with have spouted and it's true. Not to knock those who are working to save their marriages, I'm all for that, and if your husband is busting his butt to prove to you, you are fine. Before I left Louisiana, I was randomly IM'ed by many married men on yahoo messenger that lived within a six block radius of my house, they didn't know it was me, but I couldn't believe the amount of men out there looking for some, but didn't want to leave their wives and kids etc. It happens and it's a fact of life. I strongly encourage y'all to keep The Harley's books and principles and affair-proof your marriages. It's sad that there are so many unhappy people out there that don't have the balls to call it quits or do something to save their marriages. Instead, they damage it further by looking elsewhere. I always told the married men that if they spent that last fifteen minutes trying to talk to me, they should be talking to their wives and trying to fix whatever it is that is bothering them. They don't want to talk to me. I take great delight in busting their bubbles by telling them about what my ex-husband did to me and how he knocked up the OW. They get offline real quick after that. Am I bitter? No, but if I can make one married man think and look at his wife and want to try, it's worth repeating my story. But I do live in a realistic world, people are going to do what they are going to do.

It was quite an adventure dating single guys. I used to joke with my two older girls that they should do another movie called "Fifty first dates" about me, because I've never managed to get past the first date until I met my boyfriend, "Mr. B" he's a professional wrestler and works in security too. We've been together for about four months now and it looks pretty serious. I'm taking it day by day and moment by moment. I didn't realize how scarred I'd be from what Mr.T did to me. My trust issues are shot. I think I'm God's practical joke at times because Mr. B has fans from wrestling and lots of female friends and is still friends with some of his ex'gf's etc. I've never been a jealous or clingy person and I still am not, but I do have moments of insecurity that borderline on anxiety attacks. Mercifully Mr. B. is patient and is walking through this with me. I just hope I don't push him away because I can't trust. I was blown out of the water with what Mr. T did, I keep waiting for some ex-gf to call me and tell me that Mr. B is with her. I know that it is unrealistic and I'm getting help via therapy to deal with with deep issue and fear of betrayal.

For those that read this and are planning to cheat, let me tell you...the ripple affect is deep and affects the future too. Think twice, even three or four times before you plan to cheat. The effects can be devastating, not insurmountable, and things can be fixed, but there are aftereffects.

As for OW, hurricane Katrina affected her family. She and her new husband lost everything. But they're rebuilding. She keeps Im'ing me asking me why Mr. T doesn't want to be a part of her child's life. I tell her he's not my problem anymore and to contact him. She finally petitioned the court to change the OC's last name from ours to her new married name. Something she should have done ages ago which you all remember we've been trying to tell her.
OW did tell me that she is now a firm believer in what comes around, goes around as her husband cheated on her. As she told me in IM about the pain, the anger, I just listened. Did I gloat? No. I could have. I listened and told her, "Now you know exactly how I felt. Welcome to my pain." What more could I have said or done? We compared notes etc. and I always remember the source from where it came, but basically Mr.T told her what she wanted to hear, told me what I wanted to hear and we concluded we are all best left to our separate ways. She's still trying to push visitation on him and he still refuses to see the OC. Not my problem anymore. OW asked me if I've told my children and I told her that when they are old enough to handle the truth, I shall tell them. Then it will be up to them to decide if they want OC in their lives. If they don't, then she isn't to push it. I will not have messed up kids because of her. She is already projecting her bad relationship with her father onto her own daughter, the OC. She did to her child the very same thing that happened to her. I told her to let the stepfather be the father, as he is a good one to OC and just forget about Mr. T and move on and quit making the OC feel like she's missing out. She's going to mess that child up and I refuse to mess mine up because she's messed up.

All in all, we just deal with the day to day issues here. I'm doing the best I can. It's not easy. I never expected to be divorced (It will be finalized on April 25th) Dinobon is 12, Curly is 11, Mini-me is 6, Bubba is 5 and Spudgey is 3 now.

It's amazing. Like Robert Frost said, "all I've discovered and known about life can be summed up in these three words, IT GOES ON." and that it does. I love marriage, I hope to marry one day. I know I've got issues of trust to work through and I'm thankful that Mr. B is patient and wants to be in there for the long haul. I hope one day we can have the marriage that both of us felt we didn't get. I do plan to continue to learn and practice the Harley's principles in regards to the love bank and such and need to review and refresh my mind on that. It can be done. I learn from each marriage, from each relationship and just keep moving on.

I missed everyone here and felt that a better update should have been typed. Those that want to keep in touch can e-mail me at twiisty@yahoo.com and I'll send my private e-mail to those that need it.
Much hugs and love to you all. I'm doing better. I'm just sorry that things didn't work out. That doesn't mean to the newbies that you can't try and have it succeed, it can be done. It just I guess I had deeper issues that couldn't be resolved.

*hugs*
Twiisty


Divorced COM:Three (7,6 and 3 years old) COPM:Two(13, 12 years old) D-day 05/01/01 Recovery 05/01-10/04 Divorce Finalized 04/2006 Oc is 7 and still NC on ex-h's part.
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
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Posts: 11,539
Wow! Twisty, what a story. Thank you for sharing.


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,430
J
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J
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,430
Wow Twiisty,
I hope it all goes up from here!!


Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person. -Mother Teresa
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 901
B
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B
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 901
Twiisty,

Hey girl, it was so good to come onto MB and read your update. I have wondered and worried about you. I miss our conversations.

Life DOES go on!! I am now remarried and it has been a year and a half. XH (the other 'wild bill') signed papers a week and a half ago to let Mr.G (new husband) adopt my two girls! Yippee!! Our marriage is not perfect, but I will tell you this. I trust him--beyond measure. He knows some of what I went thru. He was there. At this moment he has a new job and lives on the other side of Houston. I am waiting on school (for older daughter) to end and my job to transfer. Until then we are living in seperate places and I dont worry one little bit.

It is so wonderful not to be going thru that old fear. When XH would just go to work I was worried (and had good reason to be).

This is your chance for a new beginning. Choose wisely. You are beautiful!! Any man would be blessed with you in his life---just dont let ANY man in. Make sure you are blessed as well.

Oh, and update on OC---my girls now know and I couldnt believe how accepting they were. They had all met before but didnt realize they were sisters. It is the craziest thing and people are amazed, but me and Mr.G, my 2 daughters, OW and her husband, OW's older daughter and OC, my XH's first XW and her daughter (all the kids are sisters except OW's older daughter) celebrated Christmas together! lol Can you imagine such a thing????!!! Like you said---life goes on.

All my love---

BW

Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 248
J
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J
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 248
TWIISTY!!!! How good to hear from you, and see that despite all, you are doing well. I hope your plumbing is working properly now too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
You are a strong woman, and I hope that you have the life that you deserve.
And as an aside - I've been going for my bachelor's in Paralegal as a prelude to law school, too. In what? Family law. Probably for a lot of the same reasons you are. I'd post an update, but there probably aren't many that remember me or care what an xOW is up to. lol
Best wishes to you and a HUGE hug!!


Mom to Josh, Just a mom Moving on with my life but still hoping to help others to do the same :) Dreams will not be thwarted, Faith will be rewarded...

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