I posted this on Divorced/divorcing forum also...what do you think?

Another episode of the divorce logs....We got out of school this afternoon for 3 days of spring break. Bimbo and Jimbo were supposed to come and pick up the kids for vacation. My eighth grader refused to go...she wrote him and told him that over a week ago. Their big Easter "adventure" is to load up he and his wife's furniture from storage, rent a U-Haul and drive with the kids to their probably new house in Florida. Sounds like fun, RIGHT?? Not....anyway...he agreed to let my daughter stay home without a fight...because he can't fit bimbo and Jimbo and my son and daughter in the front seat of a U-haul.

Next scene. He never calls and tells me their plans. He is supposed to pick up the kids at 4...my son finally calls him at 7:30 and asks when they are coming. He said that they would be here from KC at 9:30. He then asked again if my daughter was going to go. She had already told him she wasn't. 8:15 he calls my son again and says they are almost ready to start their new adventure. They still had to load a car into the van...and they decided to do that in the morning. So, he says they will be in our town in 15 minutes to pick up my son.

They call and say they are outside my home and to send my son out. I do that with his suitcase. Next thing I hear is the garage door opening, and I look out the window and my son is riding off on his bike. Jimbo and bimbo are walking into my crazy neighbor's house (this man and his son have been accused and actually did kill 5 neighborhood cats in a grotesque manner.) He is wacko...but he also flew with Jimbo at one time. The neighbors can't stand this man..and the schools are watching his son for weird behavior.

Anyway...it turns out that bimbo and Jimbo are staying with the crazy neighbors across the street from me. (The only reason I can think of for them to do this is to spite me.) My son is left to play outside with the neighborhood kids. I hear them playing until 10:30...when I called my son in.I told him they were getting too loud...and it was too late for that. When he came in, he had fallen off his bike and scratched up both knees, his elbow and hand. I told him to jump in the shower and then we would clean up the wounds.

He got jammies on, and we went upstairs and were finding bandaids...when my ex comes over and repeatedly pounds on the door and ringing the doorbell. At this time it is five to 11. He was just then looking for my son. He had a really ugly look on his face--demanding Kyle. I told him that he had fallen on his bike and I was trying to get him bandaged up. He said "can I talk to him". I called for him and he came down in his pajamas. Jimbo asked him what he wanted to do. (Before this my son told me that I had better call his dad and tell him that he was going to stay over here...because he was afraid that his father would be mad at him. He also told me that he didn't want to stay with the crazy people " I told him at that time not to worry about it. My son then told his dad that he wanted to stay with me at his house.

I hate this....I hate dealing with this man. It is always a fiasco....why didn't he pick my son up and leave???? If he is so anxious to see the kids...why is he over drinking and visiting...instead of being with my son? Why would you flaunt bimbo infront of me over and over again.

I have to admit tho....once my son is sleeping soundly in his bed...I don't give a ***t what he is doing. But when I thought my son would be across the street with bimbo and Jimbo and crazies...that about sent me over the edge. Why does this keep happening over and over again. Why does God allow this to happen? Who in their right mind would do this to their family. There is always turmoil when he is around. I hate it. I hate the thought that he will be driving with my x who obviously is still drinking, has road rage....and is still rationalizing his behavior.

At our court hearing in Dec., he was ordered to attend an alcohol and drug abuse program, an anger management program and provide me with the quick claim deed for my house. He hasn't taken the classes, he refused to give me the quick claim deed, and his is back to not paying his bills.

Will he ever get what is coming to him? He doesn't care about the kids. He hasn't seen 3 of them since last summer. And he blew my son off tonight. He is all talk when it comes to the kids.

I guess this is a long enough vent....by why can 1 individual make life a living **** for everyone?

My blood pressure is definitely up tonight. I am so tired of this. Pat

--------------------
Formerly: Miserynmissouri
Military Marriage of 21 years..together 26.
Four beautiful children: 21,19,13,11
ExH 51..numerous affairs, alcoholic
Married "soulmate" 20 years younger
Still trying to understand and Move ON!!!

Uh-oh, it is you allowing...
Boundaries. Write them down and give to your X to read them.
Be sure to include sentences a la 'if someone uninvited knocks at the door at 11 p.m., I might call the police to protect my children and me' (or something like that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)
Also, schedules, required notices when he wants to change/move time in a timely manner... otherwise, you are not available nor you can accept changes.

Distance, keep it so far that doesn't hurt you.

What about custody?
If not decided yet, revise and change...

And do move on.

I have tried to give him boundaries. We went to court over boundaries and contempt of court issues. He got away with everything.

Last time he pulled this, my daughter had a basketball tournament in another local town. He knew about it. He and bimbo said that if they flew in in time, they would stop by the tournament. They didn't stop by. We stayed at the end of the game waiting for them. They didn't show up or call us on my cell phone. On the way back from the game, we stopped and got the car load of kids something to eat and then came straight home. Jim was sitting there with the police in my driveway..accusing me of not having the kids there on time. He brought that up in court...and I was never allowed to say anything. I had documentation of everything...and it didn't matter.

It didn't matter that he owed me over $28,000. It didn't matter that the kids were there willing to testify as to why they don't want a relationship with him. (He had two alcoholic episodes with my two older daughters when they were living on the East coast this past summer.)

Boundaries...I set them...he ignores them...then he accuses me of not following the divorce decree.

Friends and relatives of mine can't believe what he continues to get away with. He never sends me a schedule. And he continually changes it at the last minute. This is my vacation from school also....I can't go anywhere--I am court ordered to pick my son up at the airport whenever Jim decides to bring him back from Florida because he whined to the judge that he didn't think it was fair that he had to transport the kids when he has to fly here to get them. The airport, by the way is 1 1/2 hours away from where I live. Oh well....I would love to move on...but my feelings of pure hatred come back up every time he is near.

I am fine when he is not around. Oh well....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Sorry, I understand... canot be easy to deal with all of that...

But I still believe that he cannot get away with everything.
Especially if you respect the divorce decree.. but NOTHING else you allow him to do at your children and your own expense!

Can you aford a new (GOOD) lawyer?

I wish I could afford another lawyer. I spent a lot taking him back on contempt charges last year. I had tons of evidence...but I wasn't represented well. It is sad. It is sad for me and sad for the kids because he learned from that that he can get away with everything.

I will have to think long and hard before taking him back to court.

Just a suggestion, go the forum, OW/OC of infidelity. Post a msg for CD Collins. She went thru infidelity, H's OW had a child. She tried to make it work, but it didn't. She divorced her H, and went to Law School in PA. She may be able to advise you concerning your situation or help you find a better lawyer than you have had to resolve your problems.
I would have thought there would have been a retired JAG officer embarrassed by the actions of a fellow officer who would have taken your case and helped you beat this guy, get him out of your life.
But check with CD, and there a few other really smart BS there.

Texasgirl