LM, i started a seperate thread becuase i didnt want to interfere with pop's situation (which is a toughy). i wasnt going to respond to this at all but i kept coming back to it and really feel like i need to say something.

I know you are a very well respected poster here at MB and i want to make clear that this is not a rant, i just really felt the need to comment on yours and pops comments about CS.

I think it is very easy to take a superficial overview of the situation and come away with a view like yours. i think what you are not taking into account is how little the COM and their need and right for support is taken into account when those CS calculations are done.

i have no problem with and agree 100% that all children deserve support from their parents but i do have a problem with one child being favored in support over another. which is often what occurs.

in many of these siutations the oc can be legally entitled to up to 1/3 of the fathers income. those calculations often take no account of the preexisitng family. where they do recieve consdieration it can often be as low as 5% discount.

All children deserve support, both COM and OC but not at the expense of each other. unfortunately the laws as they currently stand cant deal with this situation very well. it is forced into the mould of divorce and seperation and for that reason i have absolutely no problem suggesting to any BS that they consider a legal seperation and their own CS order and any other legal means of income protection available to them.

i dont consdier it the least bit hypocritical.

THANK YOU CAROLYN!!!!

I too had my feathers ruffeled with that comment, I was so upset with that comment and one other that I knew I would really scream in my post, so dropped it but it kept bothering me so much.

I agree with your post 100%, just one little flaw, sadly it is not 1/3 of a paycheck, at least not in out state and 15 others that I checked to make sure what is being done to us is right. It can be 65% of his paycheck and 50% of his paycheck if there is a second family invovled :-(

Here is my situatation,

H income is the only income coming into the house, he is no doctor or lawyer, we both are early 40 dont really have much to look for in the future for him to build up the corporate ladder of some big company. Like if there was some big company in this little town.

My H also has to drive all day in our vehicle, we pay out $200 a month in gas for his job, yes we get paid so much per mile but we usually get only $103 paid back that is on his check, which that amount they also figured in for his income.

H gets paid once a month, here is our last paycheck

Check after taxes taken out
$1,384.90
$580.00 garnished for CS
$33.00 garnished for back CS due
$3.00 garnishment fee
$292,00 for insurance that we are now forced to pay for OC
total amount of his check left over
$476.90

that is the amount he has left to support our 3 kids!

Stop whining and get another job??? Really what is the use?? Our state have the new hire registery, my h did a one time favor for park and rec and they offered him $200 for that one time favor. Went down and filled out the paperwork (showing driver license and ss card) so he could get paid when their next paycheck comes out. 3 days later we got a copy of the letter from CSO office that they sent to park and rec wanting thier dirty little hands on that check for back support. So what do we gain him getting another job??? Another trip to the court house to up our CS cause his income went up!

Another income will also knock off my COM of marriage off being covered for medical. And no way with my middle sons health can we do that.

I had to swallow my pride and ask for more help, food stamps is a joke. they look at what are check was suppose to be not what is left.

I am desperatly trying to find a way for me to bring money into this house and still keep my middle son covered, they can drop the other 2 is fine but not him. Which is not fair to them 2 but they know I will appeal if things go wrong but doubt that will help.

I am just darn lucky that our land lord is willing to help us out a little till we get things figured out, we have lived here for 10 years and have never been late with rent before tho he dont know the reason he just know that something is up, but I dont want the amount to keep growing.

Today I am going down and swallowing my pride and asking if they will let my kids play baseball for free this year, for 8 years my H has volunteered his time to coach so I think they will do it but still it hurts to have to beg, we have never begged or asked for anything except for the medical assisstant, but if had close to a million dollars in medical bills when we applied like usI am sure anyone else would do the same to make sure their child get the medical they need.

Oh yea, OW makes $4,000 a month and now gets half of our check!!! for ONE CHILD!!!

Here is another kicker!!! They already notifed us that if we dont have the back payment paid up by time he gets his license renewed they are taking us back to court to have it revoked!!! Which is in few months, but we dont have the thousand that is owed (they went back to the birth date and we didnt know about OC for first couple of months and then the court time) No license no job!!!!! They already turned it into our credit!

" if you and your h have say -- 3 kids together and then your wonderful guy goes out and has another with a ons. well now like it or not your h has, count em 4. planned or not, wanted or not i don't give a darn. he has 4. and thusly he owes each and everyone of them equally. if you hide your assets in the guile of protecting your (com) own 3, you are in reality stealing from your h's 4th child. like it or not that is the cold, hard truth"

NO i do not like it!!! Why?? cause OC is the only one that the courts are making him to support!!! No consideration for his other 3, cause if it was fair then why does one child get half, and other 3 have share the other half, not even that cause we are forced to pay for medical insurance on the the OC. It should of been divided by 4 equally but it is not!!

Would i hide assest (as if we had some) and do whatever else? you bet I would!!!!!!!! Would it being stealing from OC??? Right now I dont care cause NO ONE cares that my child are suffering and they didnt care that they are getting stolen from!!!!!

Think of me what you want but I agree with lynn 100% and i gladly invite anyone to come walk in my shoes anytime, cause I bet their veiws would change in a heart beat!

Wow, TS, that really hurts to read. I am so sorry and hope he appreciates what he has in you for sticking it out. I hope things get better.

Glad you ladies cleared that up! The comment bothered me too.

TS, you and your husband need to speak to your State Attorney General. This is plain wrong. Write to your congressman about this.

This is why I don't feel one iota of guilt for doing everything we could to keep our money in our house. I don't care about the oc, I only care about our children and they come first, as it should be.

Maybe you should go for custody of that child and make her pay you!!

Thanks Jenny! And yes he does, he is scared that I will get so frustrated and leave him. The fear is in his eyes and so is the guilt. He has the type of eyes that express what is going on, one reason he told me about it right away when it happened cause he knew I would pick up on it.
I do have the fear after all I have been going thru that he will do it again and make it all a big waste, ok I am old fashion and maybe need to get in reality but I do have some hope in me that love conquer all. I believe he wont but then I believed he would of never in the first place

Lynn I have contacted them, and we get the same story everywhere.... "I understand the position that you are in and I am sorry about that but legally hands are tied and they are just upholding the law, nothing we can do about it..... blah blah blah.....

The congressman is the one that told me that CS is a state legislature thing and if I want to change the law that is the first step that has to be taken if it can be done. And that is what I have done along with the other things in my post "replying to your comment disbelief"

I agree with what you said in another post that it is just a natural thing to protect your own children first. That is what is has come down too. Yes my landlord was nice about it this month taking what little I can give him, but what about next month and the one after? He has bills to pay and will get tired of it and kick us out, other words my children will have no place to live. And I yes I checked into other rentals, and there is nothing even close to cheap as we pay. So my instinct to protect my children have really kicked in. So I will do whatever I can to make sure they have at least the basic in life.

Yes the child is my husband, but way I look at it if it was me and my H that had this child we would not even be close in to this situration that we are in now, so why should it put this into this situtation just because the child has different mother????

wow I am so glad I took my h to court and left him after the dna came in. otherwise i prob would have been in your shoes. Cant u get a baby sitting job or somehing to help pay the rent?

I have said this before..and I have no problem in saying it again. Most of the assets in our marriage, were brought into the marriage by me. If My H was found to be the OC's father, we had already removed his name from my accounts, my family home was already only in my name, however, I would have changed anything that I contributed if I needed. My intention would not be to shortchange the OC, it would be to make sure that I wasn't shortchanged. I would have left my H penniless, not really my fault...let her get blood out of a turnip, it would not be my issue.

thunder,

i am so sorry, there arnt words for me to express how that makes me feel. i dont get it. im finding it really hard to comprehend how your state can do that. that is awful.

cant your children also be included in that health insurance, why only oc.

theres got to be somthing, i dont understand how they could do that. some states most not take com into account at all. also the amount ow makes, dont they look at that, if she makes that much ill bet she has good medical also, why isnt she responsible.

im sorry im just in schook, tears are coming for you, its not right. i wonder if it would make a differance if you guys moved to a differant state, i mean is it a state thing. that is wrong. i dont understand women that are like that at all.

when my h and i got married and moved to montana, his x came after him for all cs from time of there d. she never made him pay before but once he married me that changed.i agree he should pay for his dd but the way she did it was pure spite. the state of montana is that if you owe back support they take 50% of check before taxes, it was hard, she always got more then us. oregon never took that much. so i do think its the state, but i dont see why your h has to pay that much whenow makes so much more.

dont give up, ill be praying for you, imtswife

For whoever thinks it is hypocrisy for a Christian to protect their children's inheritance and to support their family.

First of all, I do not agree any biological parent should get out of reasonable cs--by reasonable I mean a realistic amount that is necessary to raise the child and meet the child's needs, NOT WANTS, THIS SHOULD NOT INCLUDE AN AMOUNT TO ALLOW THE NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT (OW) TO STAY AT HOME, WHEN THE BS HAS TO WORK AND PROVIDE FOR HER FAMILY.

Just some question to think of.

Do you think a BS is obligated to financially support and take from her own child's inheritence to give to a child their spouse conceived without her knowledge in an affair?

Some BS are either the primary breadwinner or the sole bread winner in the family! So does that mean it is OK for the WS to provide a majority of his income to support the OW and OC and to provide little to no financial support to himself (because he also lives in the marital home), his w and his COM.

Do you think if you have four children, it is hypocrisy to leave more of your estate to the youngest, the oldest, etc?

Do you believe the OC whose mother is BY CHOICE at home since the courts seem to favor the MM supporting the OW, WANTS should be meet with expensive clothes, while the COM, has to have a clothing allowance because both or their parents are working in order to meet the bills due to one parent's mistake.

Some may say that a BS has to accept that, but why doesn't the OW have to accept that she had a child with someone's h so she shouldn't expect to receive half or more of his income. She knew he was married and had children to support when she got involved. Married couples limit the number of children they have often due to finances.

Why attack the BS and call her (I say her because I am a woman, and I recognize the bs could be the husband) a hypocrite because she is going to do what she can to protect and provide for her children. Which is what the ws should have been more concerned about all along and should have never had an A.

thunderstorm

take all your documentation on finances back to court. you should qualify for a court appointed attorney.

This is just plain wrong!

ts,,,,,, i agree that the system is not fair. in our house om cs covers about 1/2 of the expenses for oc. BUT i have made the choice to stay in the marriage so i have made the choice to accept that part of the (for lack of a better word) debt. i do feel that to try and settle things in MY house that getting om out would be the best way.

i feel that in the untimely case of my demise that oc will get her equal amount of whatever there is to my estate. that is what i knew would happen if i stayed in my marriage.

the obvious rub is that it really depends on whether the bs is male or female. from the bw side the family is going to be hard pressed because the wh is the one 99.9% of the time who ends up paying and the system sucks. from the bh side it can actually be a benefit as his ww will be recieving an additional income because of the cs. and it depends on the income of the wh. in our case he doesn't make much money.

at the same time i feel om should be responsible for part of the costs involved in raising oc. that is the lump sum idea. just trying to offer everyone something.

lynn,,,,, with your obvious anger about how the ow has wronged your family i don't understand why you come here and seemingly are at odds with me over this situation. you see i can sort of understand protecting your assets to a point. but why would you not want to see an om get what he deserves as much as you want to see the ow deal with her choices by herself? do you just feel naturally driven to ride the white horse to the defense of all bw's? i have said many times that i am not after his money. if that were the case i would have him in court every 2 years to get evry penny i could in the event he got a raise. but i don't do that. i am just trying to prepare for a little girls future. and don't think that it doesn't rub me a little the wrong way thinking that, IF om took the so called buy out, oc would most likely be better off then any of my 7 com as far as college funds go.

All situations are the same in regards to the fact that there are many people being hurt in these situations; BS, WS, OC, COM. See, back nearly 6 years ago, after our D-day, we went totally NC, at least on my side. The xom continued to try to force his way into our lives. I think that we found out about a week or 2 before he was kicked out of the military and "sent home" that I was P. After MUCH pain, we decided to go through with the P, had considered abortion, which was a knee jerk reaction, I even offered to put baby up for adoption. It was a VERY tough decision but one that had to be made. During this time, we both had to go to xom's "trial" for the assault on my H. It's amazing how being completely removed from the A changes your views on the OP! I'm not going to go into how the fog affects the WS's vision and such, just leave it at the fact that I couldn't believe what I had done and with this "thing"! Anyway, we chose to NOT involve xom for 3 very important reasons. The first, I will admit, was that we wanted our family to be safe and not have to worry about contact with this literal psycho for the next 18+ years! But, the other 2 reasons were that we didn't want to take from his W and D. We heard, and pretty much knew that the W was going to get a D, and we didn't want to take anything that she was deserving away from her or their D. We checked, and double checked the state laws and if the xom didn't file any paperwork in 2 yrs, then he was totally off the hook, legally, but that also meant that WE were off the hook, and it was no where in the laws that we HAD to tell him ANYTHING, and if my H didn't contest paternity, then it would continue to be assumed that he was the father. We went into all this KNOWING what our decision was and we are perfectly happy with that decision.

Now, I am NOT saying that I feel that Pops and FH shouldn't have gone for CS. In fact, I agree with Pops choice, since he is older than many here and has already gone through a MAJOR insident/scare and we are blessed to still have him here for us. I agree that they should see if they can have xom pay a lump sum to be able to not have him in their lives any more, and see if there is any way to have the xom purchase a life insurance policy, doesn't have to be a million dollar one, just one that would help Grace out if, heaven forbid, something happened to Pops. Never have these situations been win/win for ANYONE. In that is where the situations are all completely different, as everyone deals with and works out the CS/ C vs NC differently.

I agree that the system is WAY too skewed towards the OW and OC, but why not do something about it? Search out family attorney's who would be willing to work on changing these unfair laws, especially in those states that were mentioned earlier. If you want to change something, you can't just sit and complain about how unfair it all is. If you want to change something, you have to WORK at changing it. I am not attacking, just stating facts. You don't change things by doing nothing about it. I think that the situation could be remedied very easily by the pay off offer and the xom will be off the hook to Pops and FH and will have it all paid off no more than about 7 years at the latest.

Ok, I'll get off my soap box now.

Pops, I am at odds over what you want. This man has been paying child support, is her father and has visitation with her. You and your family want it all, the child, the money and to call all the shots, as if that man has no right to do anything. That is what I hear. You are trying to finagle some deal to get him to pay you a lump sum, pay for an insurance policy then you will be happy to adopt her. That galls me a bit. The OM and his wife have lots of choices they, chose to exercise their right to visitation as long as they are paying child support. That is their choice and not much you or FH can do about it. They said if they didn't have to pay child support, they would back out. You and he are not that different. You want money, either monthly or a lump sum, and see it as a way for him to "get what he deserves". You also wished him to drop dead and had a scathing comment on "fathers rights". The low opinion of this man is the same opionion that I have of the ow, maybe they have the same low opionion of your wife and are wondering when/if she "gets what she deserves".

The bottom line you have a child from an affair and all that goes with it. Like I have said on here a million times, once the child is born, dna established, child support set, the XMM/Wife get to make any choice they want and the ow (and her family) have no say in that choice at all.

All I keep saying, is if you adopt her, he shouldn't have to pay one red cent to you, or buy insurance policies, etc. Adoption means she is your responsibility. If the money is so important, then forget about adoption. Simple.


And for the record, you would have loved me as your BW. You would have had your check on time, and never heard a peep from us at all.

lynn,,,,,,, what i wanted isn't what happened in my situation. so i am doing the best i can with plan b. sure om has been paying his cs and taking vistation and i have no problem with that. it's fine with me he can do that until she is 18 or he dies, whichever comes first. and let me tell you this, that if he dies first i would have the right to go after his estate for grace's fair share. i would never do that. but i bet if the situation were reversed with you, it would be on the top of your list in the name of "protecting your com". but him, his bw, and fh are not happy. you seem to have missed the point that it was him that made the suggestion that i adopt his daughter, NOT me. i had that offer shortly after d-day by him and fh and turned it down then. i have only reconsidered it after thinking of this lump sum deal. the whole idea is to try and find something for everybody. he is out of our life, they SAVE 100k and we are out of their lives, and the oc has funds at least for college.

what you seem to forget is the fact that i am trying to raise 7 of my own and that i am not getting one cent of that money. like most bw's and wh's who get caught you seem to think that ow is getting all the dough. i am sure that in some cases that is true but not here. all cs and then some is spent on oc needs.

after dna is established the om and his w have only one choice as do you and your h. that is the choice of c or nc. cs is not a choice it is a responsibility. when those 2 men decided to stick their unwrapped little peckers into someone other then their w that was the chance THEY took. and sure they would walk away if they didn't have to pay cs. but i wouldn't consider it walking away as much as crawling back under his rock to hide. sure the low opinion of him matches your low opinion of your ow, but "they" don't have the right to think less of fh. the same as your ow doesn't havethe right to think poorly of you. his bw has all the right in the world to feel dislike, hate, or whatever towars fh but not him. just as i shouldn't hold any animosity towards his w. what did we do to desrve that.

without trying to sound all righteous here for you to be galled at anything that i have suggested here is like the pot calling the kettle black. if i had wanted to make him get what "he deserves" i would have divorced fh and had her move out on her own. we would have had the courts give me primary custody of our com and had her paying me cs to make her situation seem all the more bleek in an effort to get as much cs as possible. like yourself who hid assets and did your thing not (as you say) to protect your com but rather to see to it that "ow" doesn't get any of "your" h's money. you didn't give one thought about YOUR H's other child. that is my opinion.

that's why we have custody hearings. the courts decide who is the responsible party in making decisions for the kids. you also forget that i too paid my cs for 18 years. i can tell you that i never cut my sons hair or did anything with him to "get back" his mother or establish who's in control. and fh would never even consider having his hair cut. so the answer is you are wrong. just because you are ordered to pay cs doesn't mean you have the "right" to do as you please whatever your little heart desires. and if you don't believe me i will be glad to let you know what the court says after the next hearing on the subject. so until then we can maybe agree to table this agruement.

i have no idea how much your cs payments are. but if you sit down and think about it. if they were $700 a month for 18 years, do the math it comes to about 150K. wouldn't it be worth your while to pay say 35K one time and be done with it. with interest you would pay less then 50K, SAVE about 100K and be done paying it off like a car loan in 5 - 7 years instead of 18, at the same $700 or less a month. if you took the loan on the house either as a 2nd or refi you would be able to right off the interest and the savings would actually be more. maybe what irks you is that your ow never offered you such a good deal.

truth be told i DON"T have a thing against om's w except when she comes to my front door and gives me crap like this mess is somehow my fault. like it is my fault they are paying cs because her h knocked up my w. maybe she thinks i was the one that rented the 2 bit motel room, gave him the key and forgot to leave a condom on the nightstand. hey, she needs to go home and kick her dear h's butt, not mine.

also for the record. from the beginning, once fh decided to keep the baby i told fh that he would be responsible for cs and that it would be HIS choice to persue a relationship with his daughter.

ITSWIFE

We just cant afford to add the COM, this one was the cheapest way that his employer could find, employee and one dependent, as you can see we cant afford that even. 2 of my child could be added, they are basically healthy just the normal colds and virus, they have had probs in the past but notthing recurring. My one son has serious life threatning probs. They are pre-exising probs. Even if we could find a way to get him covered and cover his old probs we dont have the money for the co-pay and deductions, he has very high medical bills every month. It is sad to see that his meds run more a month then we make.

Our state does not combine both income when they figure the CS payments, just the fathers. I know it is not right but that is how this state runs it.

Yes she does have medical insurance where she works and it is no higher then what we pay, we know cause my H use to work there. When we first went to court for establish paternity and CS the judge ordered and it was in the court order, we have it in writing, that the custodian parent is obligated for the childs medical issuarnce if it is available to her at the same cost or lesser then the non custodial parents. Which it is. A month later we got summoned back to court and this time a different judge. Her lawyer agrued that the father should be obligated to cover the medical isurance. We argued the judge before said she was, and that our other kids are not covered but by the state but the judge gave us his blah blah and slammed the gavel down said we had to pay it.

It dosnt matter where we live or move to, it matters where the child resides.


I agree with you wonderfullyblessed. We cant get a court appointed attorney you can only have them if their is jail time possiable. We tried to get legal aide, but they said sorry they dont have enough staff or funds to help us at this time. We called the state bar, cant get a pro bono cause H does have a job, cant get a reduced fee one cause he was not married to the mother at one time. So we went in with no lawyer, and we did have all this info when we went in, it didnt matter. But we do have a new lawyer in town and he is trying to find some loop hole to help us and said he will stick by us and he is doing it for free. We just have to pay any court costs that arise. We do have a court date in July but not getting my hopes up.

Tigger

We are trying to change things, I know it is a long slow and hard process but I am trying to take steps to change the laws in our state. The attorney that is helping is us is also trying to help us with that, he is new lawyer, not just new in town but new out of law school, green but at least he cares and trying to help. He has already sent 100 people my way to sign my petition to reform CS and they also wrote me their story.

ok now pops

Your story is different then mine and from since I have been here it has been a different situtation then most of us. I have tried to be supportive of your story, and my way of giving advice was to help calm your fears about adoption with my story and how in all honestly I am glad that my parents made the decision that they did. Even tho our stories are different what it right down boils to is that we are both bs and having to deal with the pain that their action has caused us.

I have said before if I was the OW I would of never went after the married man. I stand firm on that cause that is the type of person I am. If it was me that got pregnant by another man and being married me and my husband would of just raised the child as our own and no one could of done a thing about it cause legally when a child is concieved when the mother is married, that child is legally the husband, only the wife and husband could ask for the test to see if true, the other man has no legal leg to stand on to ask for it. But that is me.

But you guys choose a different route that is the route that you guys felt best, and your not happy about it. Now you are trying to figure out what to do, I would of never asked for money, but I didnt slam ya for it, now if the child was just born and you wanted to adopt and ask for the money I would of said oh no that is not right, that is buying the child. But the way I tried to look at it is that the father has been in the child life, he has had a chance to know her, to try and bond with her, and even with that he still wants to TPR, ok then the money can be his one last act as being her father. Maybe it is not right and the action we would of done but I am not walking in your shoes just trying to understand. We want to TPR, but we never knew the child was even concieved and we still have never once lied eyes on the OC, there is no bonding, where OM has had the chance and still wants to TPR.

Adoption is about love, I never said not to go for it but just remember it is not about money it is about love. I know you love her and will give her a good life. Age and money and health is not what will asking for a lump sum making it right, I am just right behind you in age and I have medical probs. I can go on forever with my family history or children being born to late 40 parents, the medical my family has to deal with. Some way some how they all have had to do what they needed to do, just like you if the child was born to you and your wife. Yes you would still worry if that was the situtation but you still would find a way. I think gracie would be much more happier being raised poor but with two loving parents then in a tug of war situtation, just to give her finacial support.

I agree, the OM wife should not being treating you that way, she is in the same boat as you and dealing with her pain but like you said you had nothing to do with it just as much as she didnt.

But I see your anger lately. And it is really hurting. I wonder if you reading our post slamming the OW hurts you since you are with the OW, but you and crazy as far as I can see are the only 2 that where both were married, where I think the majority here is the OW is single. And I do think that makes things different. Just like every story is different.

When "our wondreful husband" decided to stick there thing in where it dosnt belong, made me want to come back with the comment well OW SHOULD OF KEPT HER KNEES TOGETHER!! And she shouldnt of allowed the unwrapped penis in her!!!!! Yes what you said is true but so what I say is too!!

And the like it or not is not fair, the father should have more rights, women have so many choices of birth control, women have all the choices, they dont want it they abort it or give it up for adoption, men dont have no choices it is all about what the woman wants.

I am glad that you did make your CS payments but look at it the way it is now, they are alot more sticker and unfair then back then. These new ways only took effect back in 1998 at least in our state. When you paid you give that one child 50% of your check??? I just ask to look at how things are now not when back then.

Please think of this, you have 7 children, most now are adults right? But less say that that was all little ones living under your roof and only had you to depend on them to keep food on the table, remember not adults when this OC comes along, you go out and have a affair, a child is born and even tho you have 7 kids setting at your dinner table and need new socks because they are not old enough to get a after school job, and the OW takes half of your paycheck for that one child. How would your wife in all honestly feel???? How would you feel that you cannot not longer support your other kids because you have to support another instead. Dont look at what situtation you are in pull back from that and see if it was that way.

Lashing out at the ones that try to hide assest??? Well lets look at your story and see the same. You want to adopt gracie, you want a lump sum and then adopt her. You said it is to help raise his child, to make sure that she has a good life, BUT ..... it is also because you have other child to put into college and that money will help you support her.... so that it WONT TAKE AWAY from your other child by adopting her. Other words you are protecting your COM, you are making sure that they dont have to go without by adopting her. you have said it, that it will help suppor her becuase you have other child to worry about too. You are protecting them by asking them for a lump sum. Where is it different????? Why dont you just adopt her, love her, and struggle to find a way to give your other children what they need because now you have another child to raise. Please dont critize me when you are doing the same thing.

Thunderstorm...

The OW here was/is married.

Just wanted you to know. Your post has me truly thinking. I appreciate your words.

Eibrab

thunder,,,,,,,,,, first of all i love grace and like i said here and elsewhere am content to let things run their course the way they are now. it is EVERYONE else around me that is pissing and moaning.

you are most definately right about ow keeping her legs closed. my comment was actually directed to lynng in rebuttal to a comment in her post back to me. i have always said and even to and in front o fh to om that it was the TWO of them that screwed (literally) up.

what you are missing in the asset hiding section of my post is that i am not hiding any or trying to get extra money from om in anyway. not trying to put fh in a more financially inconvient poition in order to gain higher cs. all i asked her to do was put our exact numbers in front of the court and whatever they said was fine with me. in fact om was working 2 jobs for the year and 1/2 that fh and him worked together. as soon as the cs issue came up he quit his second job. that was because he would have had to pay even more in cs. i didn't press the issue in court even though i knew he took another job for cash to make up the difference in his lost income.

now for the lump sum issue. yes i am concerned about my com. and even though some of my children are grown i still have plenty that are not. and of the ones that are grown one has moved back in with her 2 d's and she is not working. so i am actually still supporting the original 7 dependants plus fh and myself. also the lump sum, like i have said is not for my com it is for grace. it will be placed in a separate account that will be for HER college.
at the present time i am in the middle of a refi in order to pay for my son thats graduating this year from hs and my number 2 son to go to college. and i have a hs soph and fresh right now. so i will be searching the same store in another 2 years. and i have one in the 5th grade also. and i owned my house long before fh met om.

you see i have planned for my kids and am trying to plan for grace. yes all the pain is similar in these situations yet all the circumstances are different. i am just trying to do the best in MY circumstance.

last but not least. quite honestly i have paassed all the pain and anger crap that comes with this issue. i don't have the time to dwell on it and don't care to. i don't hate om, his w or fh for any of this. that is my personality to move on. stating for 18 years or he drops dead is just thrown in as my sick sense of humor. but let me tell you that i am also the type of person that has no problem with the death penalty (think it should actually be used and carried out more) and honestly think that there are people in this world that we can do without. and if that means they have to die then so be it. that if something horrible happened to them i'd be the first to toast the event. osama, hussaen, any one who is likely to blow themselves and innocent women and children up with them, child molesters, rapist, and many people that just plain abuse others are all on MY list. i don't pay any attention to those rants about yours or anyone elses ow. that stuff is old hat to me. couldn't care if you hate yours or even fh. that's your deal and you can deal wiyh it in your own way.

So,

What is your decision? or have you decided?

And maybe the way things are now.. will be the best it ever gets.

I wish you and Grace well in this. It sounds as if you already are.

Eibrab

Thunderstorm,
Please e-mail me at twiisty@yahoo.com I'm interested in what your attorney plans to do and see if I can help in some way. I'm very much interested in making changes and I'd like to get with you on finding information out and seeing what I can do as a paralegal in training (as well as future lawyer myself) to help.

Twiisty