I'm having the worst day of my life, I talked to OMW
she confronted him, he told my WW now I'm the bad guy

what to do now?
should I say anything?
should I say sorry I had to do it?
should I not say anything?
she told me it's been over for long time why did you do that?
I said OMW needed to know to work on her own marriage.
she said he will always be my friend, I said friends don't sleep together,she said it hapenes every day, i told her it doesn't make it any better.

should I say anything tonight, or just give it time?

should I tell her that i do care for her and I 'm losing the best thing that ever happened to me?

should I tell her that I'm comited to our marriage and I will do whatevr it takes to save it?

or all this is a wait of time now?
any suggestion is apreciated
Pleeeeeeeese hellllllllp.

Just sit back and watch the fireworks.

That sounds oversimplistic..but I'm serious.

Don't try to pacify or explain or defend.

She'll be mad..the pressure is now on..don't take anything she says seriously or personally.

Ask her if she wants pizza or hamburgers for dinner and what she wants to watch on TV. Otherwise, don't sweat it. She will get over it. OMW had every right to know she was screwing her H.

Don't let her bait you into any fights and don't apologize or rationalize what you did.

p.s. CALM DOWN

Have you exposed at the church yet? Has the OM been relieved of his position there? If not, I would move forward and expose to the church board so he is removed. He should not be in any position of authority in that church.

Hard as it is to believe, it will blow over. She is scared. You are threatening her addiction. She is behaving like a junkie whose supply has been cut off.

For now, just remain quiet. Do expect anger and threats. Let the roll off like water on the duck's back.

I'm having the worst day of my life, I talked to OMW
she confronted him, he told my WW now I'm the bad guy

no

now you're the tough MAN

not the bad guy

bad guys screw other men's wives ... that ain't you!

what to do now?

go have some fun recreational activity

go bowling

go fishing

do something away from the house

should I say anything?

no

should I say sorry I had to do it?

no

should I not say anything?

"I'm going bowling. See you in a few hours. Can I bring you anything from the store on my return?"

she told me it's been over for long time why did you do that?

blah blah blah


I said OMW needed to know to work on her own marriage.

just like a strong MAN would say ... not an [censored] bad guy ... which you ain't

she said he will always be my friend,

she full of bovine feces right now
don't take anything she says seriously

I said friends don't sleep together,

use the words infidelity and adultery when talking to her about this ... avoid the word "affair" which has been romanticized

she said it hapenes every day, i told her it doesn't make it any better.

you can respond to stupidity if you like ... but if you just stare silently at her you will not make yourself look weaker in her eyes.... stare at her when she says nonsense, then offer to make her a cup of tea

should I say anything tonight, or just give it time?

say nothing ... but if you say one thing, make it this

"Adultery is always ugly & painful for all involved, don't you agree?"

should I tell her that i do care for her and I 'm losing the best thing that ever happened to me?

H
E
L
L
N
O

should I tell her that I'm comited to our marriage and I will do whatevr it takes to save it?

too early ... she's hopping mad ... wait until she's human <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


any suggestion is apreciated
Pleeeeeeeese hellllllllp.

go do something physical & fun

seriously

but no drinking

stay calm

stay focused

show her a man who will not back down from a fight for his marriage

Pep

The next few days will be tough. I would suggest you continue to do what you normally do and refrain from LB'ing during this time. She will hate you for a while and make you feel like crap so don't appologize for doing it. You did it to save the M!

The first few days is the worst and them she will slowly start to calm down. You need to be strong during this time.

Keep posting so we know how you are doing.

HTW

21, for Pete's sake...ALL wayward spouses go ballistic when they find out they've been exposed. They will say they can't trust (you) anymore...how COULD you betray them this way...they were going to work on the marriage but not now--no way. They'll tell you the OP was just a friend and now you've ruined everything. What did the OP do to deserve this...etc., etc.

Peace, pardner. You've started exposing this obscene thing for what it is and that's excellent. Don't be dismayed by her reaction. Keep exposing her adultery to everyone who can put some pressure on the adultery.

just like ISGirl said, she is behaving like a junkie. Just imagine that you have just taken the crack pipe from the crack addict. It is all for her best interest, but she is mad as ******.

It will all blow over, so don't pay any mind to her rants, raves and multitude of threats. Calm down, smile sweetly and pat her on the head. Tell her "sorry you feel so bad, dear, hope you feel better tomorrow." SMILE

Joe,

"what to do now?" Hug and congratulate yourself. You did a really scary thing, sharing truth where there was darkness.

"should I say anything?" Stay quiet, listen and repeat...and know you did the right thing.

"should I say sorry I had to do it?" Are you sorry for doing the right thing? Are you sorry for exposing truth? Are you sorry for not participating in the deceit any longer, as you were keeping the affair hidden from OMW?

"she told me it's been over for long time why did you do that?
I said OMW needed to know to work on her own marriage.
she said he will always be my friend, I said friends don't sleep together,she said it hapenes every day, i told her it doesn't make it any better."

How about listen and repeat? "I hear you say the sleeping together part of your affair has been over a long time now."

"I hear you say he will always be your friend...that as long as you have contact with him, you're choosing to continue your A, is that correct?"

"I hear you believe that because married people cheat and destroy their marriages every day that makes it okay with you, is that correct?"


"should I say anything tonight, or just give it time?"

Until you can listen and repeat with choice...breath deeply, settle yourself, know your power of choice and respect, which is what you are exercising, then no, I wouldn't say much...that's why putting that hopper on your head, concentrate on listening instead of negating, and do not let those statements enter your lovely mind until you know they are her truths, not yours, and not The Truth.

"should I tell her that i do care for her and I 'm losing the best thing that ever happened to me?"

Why? Your very presence says you care for her; she knows of your love and your care...you have demonstrated, stated and acknowledged...why not share yourself, instead?

"Boy, telling OMW was really frightening. I was trembling when I did it...I know how much it hurts, just jabs inside, and I knew I was a messenger doing that, sharing the truth."

"should I tell her that I'm comited to our marriage and I will do whatevr it takes to save it?" Haven't you already?

"or all this is a wait of time now?" Active Plan A...more exposure...check on pastor, etc...

You did a brave and true thing...rejoice...you stopped betraying someone who was being manipulated by lies by omission.

LA

PS.... If you haven't came clean with everything that you know to the Pastor, TODAY, is the day to do that.... It's kind of like SHOCK and AWE, but if you let things keep dribbling out then you begin to loose affect......

The hardest thing you will have to do is to keep hold of your emotions, your anger, and your tongue.

Keep a phrase in your mind as your mantra: "I'm staying silent to save my marriage." when things get heated.

You can do this. Come here and vent, but keep the lip zipped! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

BINGO! Get the rest of your exposures done NOW. Better to deal with one large blow up than several dribs. The affairees can handle one leak in the DAM, they won't be able to control several. Let this be a TSUNAMI of TRUTH against the AFFAIR!

Ya did very good, 213! As BobPure would say, I changed to a KNIGHT from a SERF the day I exposed. You are now a KNIGHT!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

DO NOTHING....for now.

You didn't expect a medal for this did you? You swat a hornet's nest and you will be stung (to be expected)...but at least you have taken some steps to rid yourself of this affair. You should expect her to say it is "over" and that she hates you and that she will divorce you now for doing this.

A word to the wise...IF SHE DOESN'T say any of that...then you have problems.

Remember, the opposite of love is NOT hate...it is indifference.

Lem

Don't panic. You did exactly the right thing. All WS go ballistic when exposed. Yours will too, but she will also learn new respect for you as a man instead of the doormat she's been treating you as.

Good for you. You will not regret doing this. Just do NOT let her anger scare you. Do NOT!
Mulan

Thank's guys oh my god I just sat down on the computer to see all of these replies is a great feeling.

this is what happened after that.

OM went to pastor and confesed , pastor called me up,
he told the school principle, she is supposed to talk to my WW.
I called WW told her what happened she said why did you do this see what you did, I told her I didn't do anything its her actions that did that not mine,
she said now we have to take the kids out of that great school, I said this is youre choice.blablabla.

one more concerne I called her mom trying to get some help she got mad at me and told me not to call her anymore,that this is her daughter and she didn't want to get involved.
and if i'm so hurt why don't I leave, I told her I will never abandon the kids.

I told her I'm sorry you feel this way I thought I was part of the family, I do have a lot of respect and love for you and I will not call back,Fine she said.
oh well.

Ho-hum - the family usually rallies around their affairee. Don't worry about it.

You did great, 213. So sorry about your MIL. Sadly, many people don't know right from wrong and just don't give a damn. Don't let it bother you. You did the right thing for the right reasons. The shame is on them.

And yes, you should take your children out of that school. Your W has to end all contact with the OM and your kids should not ever be around him again. In fact, she should tell the kids WHY. She needs to tell them about her affair since they have been dragged into this mess. [Dr. Harley addressed this very issue on his show today and advised someone to do this very thing]

But don't do anything right now except be pleasant and let the chips fall where they may. Don't let her bully you, though. And don't allow her to drag you into any fights. She will try and bait you into fights and make you the bad guy so just be prepared for that. Don't fight, don't debate and don't apologize. And don't try to reason with her, it will be useless. Just tell her over and over "sorry you are so upset, dear, I hope you feel better soon." SMILE and then leave the room.

You are good and brave, 213, and have stood up for your family today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

21, expecting support from the in-laws is a crapshoot at best. The cliché is blood is thicker than water but it became a cliché because it’s true. Don’t sweat it.

Now, where can you expose this adultery yourself? Like the others have said, now’s a great time to get busy.