This quote is still bothering me


And your COM wont be crushed? How do you think they feel knowing that daddy did not take them into consideration but instead thought of only himself.

Yes I know, people fall out of love, get divorced, go on to have other families. But having a A then leaving for COM to be with OC makes them feel that OC was chosen over COM and that is just wrong.

TH i was raised without my bio father, he never wanted to see me either, and to this day I am glad with the decision that my parents made. I was not born out of A.

I do wonder alot sometimes how these OC are going to feel when they grow up, how they feel knowing that their conceiption and birth caused so much pain. I have heard from adults who were born from rape, and I know the pain they have to deal with knowing about the way they was brought in to this world, and wonder if OC born from a A will fill the same way. Even if they know that the wife loves them as her own, they will still know that at one time there was alot of pain. I just hope they grow up and stop the cycle and teach their kids good morals, and what is right and wrong.

LOL oh yea you will get that for sure. We are just trying to make you see the light. That it is time to stop all the bull, either commit to your wife and make the marriage work, and relize that it was all brought on by you, or to leave.

I had my H come on to read alot of the post, it showed my H the pain it brings on, it showed him that if I did this or I did that, that I am not being dramtic, that it has dragged on to long, it showed him that what I am going thru is perfectly normal in my grieving stage. And he liked to see what they say that their H were doing to make it right, it made him feel proud to see that what he has been doing is the right thing, cause to him that is the most important thing to him right now.

Are you truly here to learn how to make your marriage work, or to decide which way you should go concerning the marriage? Did you notice I didn't mention the OC, because in my opinion, that's not the first order of business right now?

How did you hear of this board? Why not another board that would be more sympathetic to your plight...was it for the true answers or too ruffle feathers? Get circulations moving? I'm not questioning your authenticity or your realness, I do question your motives. I know that you expected the responses that your recieving. You said it yourself. You don't hit me as dense, you know dang well that 4 mos. is not enough time for your wife to heal. While some woman may be able to welcome the OC wholeheartedly immediately, I know that YOU know that there are women that may take years to get to that point, yet you act perplexed at her inability to conform to your timetable. You know what you just laid out at her feet. I KNOW that you KNOW...you either don't give a good got dang, or what? What is it? I don't get it. I really don't.

I welcome your conversation...I find you quite interesting...but I'm not sure why? I'm sure you'll tell me.

Boy . . . that wasn't a very helpful post and that is why I deleted it.

Give your wife time.

This is all so new to her.

To be a bit blut, how much time would you need to welcome your wife's love-child with open arms?

I think your wife is an amazing person for staying with you this long. Can you imagine how emarrassing this is going to be when/if she has to introduce this litte girl to her friends and family? What is a good way to say that this girl haning around isn't a niece or a friend's daughter, but her husband's and his girlfriend's kid?

You need to think long and hard here. Whatever you do, someone is going to get hurt. I do think you need to decide where your loyality should reside.

TH,

I'm oldie 6 1/2 years past D-day. You wife is 4 months past D-day it took me a year to think rationally. I was one of those wives that would accept C. exOW insisted NC unless it was just her, my H , and OC. After fighting back and forth for a year H said NC. Fast forward 3 years we start C by exOW approaching us first. It's extremely hard having to deal with exOW, I still support H being in his daughters life because she's innocent and I believe every child deserves a father. I know other BS may feel differently. I do agree that marriage should come first though and there should be POJA. My prayers are with you and your family.

Unsure

Bubs,

Answer me this...keep in mind, I LIVED with someone who could be YOU so close are your statements...

Do you love your wife and want to be with HER???

Also, just an FYI, if you spout, "I'm here aren't I?" I will take off my chankla and merrily beat you about the head and neck till you pass out.

I've a response to that one...."You can dress up a load of bull [censored], put it on a pretty silver platter and tell me it's chocolate...but I KNOW it's still bull [censored]."

There is a better answer. You need to find it...then you need to tell your wife.

Pep - That's what I was trying to say.

- Kimmy

Dearest CH.

Peace.

Remember Maya Angelou.

Perhaps Bubs NEEDS to hear this at this point in his journey. Perhaps he needs to take this first step. Is it worth the risk to shun him if he is sincere in reaching out for help.

If he IS trolling, we have lost nothing....nothing...our words will reach someone else, sometime else.

If he isn't trolling, we are will o'the wisp off his path of self destruction.

Either way, we're cool.

- Kimmy

Yeah, interesting. In my wildest dreams I did not think I would ever see people willngly and openly rationalize the rights of a child "deserving" a father....kinda of shocking...but then again.....not really.

Lem

Lemonman,

I don't understand what the point is of your post. I have noticed you drop by this board occasionally and drop little pithy remarks about issues that are very hurtful around here. And I recall you were involved in a thread quite awhile back discussing how disgusting the events on this board are.

Your position was that you had no respect for BS with OC and you can't sympathize and have no compassion for us. You said you found yourself rooting for OW! Has that changed?? It doesn't sound like it.

You have NO idea what you are talking about!

Are you here to help? Or perpetuate your judgements on the hurt ladies and their families.

I have seen you help many people on the general board. But your last couple of remarks have been quite demeaning to the people in a particularly ugly situation and are of no value.

Did your father leave you??

Ya know what Lemonman?
I agree with LeBelle on this one.

What to know what I think? Naw.... I'll leave this alone.

Ask Dr. Harley about this 'hot potato', won't you?

Until a couple have healed after this massacre of humanity to the soul, the oc has little or no importance to the couple.

That is IF the couple wants to heal.... it takes two here also.

If the offender doesn't want to hear it and wants to father all the kids he has sired regardless of his immediate family, hey, go for it.... but excuse me while I sign divorce papers and move ahead with life, you (offending spouse) probably weren't worth all those years anyway....

I love your signature... do YOU get it?

Kimmy,

The last thing I want to do is scare him away...I MEAN THAT TH....I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO ANYWHERE...I just want to know if he's sincere...it's almost like one minute....I care for my Wife, and I'm sorry I hurt her, and then the next minute...I'm in love with the OW and I'll divorce my wife if she doesn't do it my way...I guess I'm not understanding..and when he get's back, I'm sure he'll clarify.

If these are his true feelings, I applaud his ability to come here and express them. I really don't want him to be frightened away...I care...right now for his wife, and if I understand more, I would like to show some concern for him too.

I did feel a bit moody when I wrote it, I apologize if I sounded harsh...it was car inspection day, and the fees are no joke.

TH - I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. Truly.

Don't worry Kimmy, I haven't gone over the deep end... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by TroubledH

Lemonman, I understand your concern for the child. I assume that's what your comment was directed for. This is a very painful situation for some people, and until you walk in those shoes, don't judge so harshly.

And to take your comment a step further....In my wildest dreams, I would have never thought that my H would cheat on me where another woman would claim to carry my H's child...shocking...but then again....not really. Then let's top that off with....my OW has no clue who her child's father is...NOW THAT'S REALLY SHOCKING.

do you understand that infidelity is never the answer to a marriage in trouble?

Pep

Post deleted by TroubledH

are you still seeing OW?

(includes any sort of contact)

Post deleted by TroubledH

Do you still feel a sense of connection with her? Do you still have an intimate relationship with her? Do you still love her? You said that under the right circumstances she would have been the W...do you still feel the same way?

your wife needs to be with you at these meetings

you have no business being there alone with OW

these details can be worked out by a third party, like your attorney

meeting OW alone is very disrespectful of your wife & tends to ruin your marriage chances further !!!

Pep

Do you want the view point of your daughter, once she has grown?

I don't know if you're ready for that.

**edit**

The imposter gave up his right to be my father the moment he involved himself with a married woman WHILE HE HIMSELF WAS ALSO MARRIED - and despite your denials, you ignored your children of the marriage to bed this OW, just like the imposter in my parents marriage ignored his own children.

You might be able to escape your daughter's outrage if you manage to continue skewing the moral compass in her parental lineage by intruding into an extracurricular relationship of any kind with OW, romanticizing her qualities while disparaging your wife's personality.

You have no moral center while you put the solvency of your children's family at risk. Get clear - to have a relationship of any kind with this child and her mother is to wreck their futures!!! You have already dealt a life-threatening blow to them now, and threatened their mother that if she doesn't bow to your demands, you will dissolve their family in favor of this innocent child. DO NOT for one minute think that this daughter will appreciate your sacrifice - if she has any goodness in her at all, she will hate being the target of their blame...

I guess you'll have to brainwash that out of her, and hope that she never finds God...

Any excuses, rationalizations, etc. to comfort yourself is just your plotting with her mother and planning to groom that moral center out of her... and if possible out of the children borne of your wife.

Get a clue! Please!


**edit**

The truth of the matter is, you told your wife so that you could plot this little mixed up romantic family plan you have in mind to have your COM and OC believe they're one happy little family - and you needed her to buy in. Otherwise, you'd have happily sustained the lie for as long as you could.

Now please don't deceive us anymore with the lie that you had honorable intentions in telling your wife about your secret life. There is no nobility in your actions thus far in this plot and it's current unfolding.