I am on of them, because I have tried and tried to find some bit of remorse in your post. There is pain dripping from your post when you speak of OW?OC, the love for your OC jumps out..... but I just dont see it with W/COM. I know, I know..... you say you are but .... you never talk about what this has done to them, you dont talk about them with pride, if you say something about them then you go back to me, me, me.

You stated that you took the test, OW came out higher, W came out lower, your wife was taking the test, what score did you get?

You have given me the impression that all A are because wives dont met H EN....... but EN was you not met of your W to make her withdraw????

Healing also involves looking honestly at yourself in where YOU failed in the marriage that lead to A.... where did you fail?


And because you are.... you feel you have the final say in everything, that your wish and wants are the only things that matter? My H is also the only one that brings home the bacon, but it does not mean that he can control the household, no matter who brings it home marriage is a two way street. Did you know that statement (besides going out of style 60 years ago) is listed as Emotional Abuse, with the domestic crime?

The counslor was right Times have Changed!! A woman has the right to do with her body as she wants, I do understand the part of you LIKING long hair, I have long hair also and my H does like it, but it is not my hair that he loves, it is me and would love me either way. You just dont realize the work in long hair, and that it does bring on neck pains and headaches, but it should not impacted you!

Both statements have made it sound like you have a control issue. Maybe you should check into that about yourself. The one thing about counslors is that they make you look at yourself, and point out things you dont like to see.

It is time to put your needs on the back burner and focus only on your wife if you want to really make a go of it.

Post deleted by TroubledH

TH, our IT guy says "my network would be great if not for those darn users!"

Yes there were several more that jumped in THs Koolaid...but THEY were established members with well known stances.
[/quote]


In my opinion that statement is ridiculous.

Well , I am going to flatter myself ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I think this link is darned useful ... it was very useful for ME when I was writing it, I made several discoveries which imporved our already good marriage.


Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders

This link is a book study/discussion thread ... about one of Harley's books.

Here is my thinking ...At least one half of your 8 year marriage you have been a Freeloader. (read the linked thread before you disagree)

Your wife has undoubtedly made many accommodating sacrificies in order to keep you in the marriage ... this means she has been a Renter.

You have yet to experience the bliss of a Buyer/Buyer relationship.

Affairs are NEVER, by definition, buyer/buyer relationships ... affairs are freeloader/freeloader relationships.... always.

I suspect that Mrs T has made yet another sacrifice for the marriage regarding OC visitation before she is ready... and if you read the link carefully, you will understand how POJA works .... and how unilateral sacrifice by one spouse makes the relationship lop-sided ... which is not desirable.

Take down resentments, don't make new ones.

You must understand the Giver/Taker states of mind, and understand how they are both good ... and how they are both not so good.

Balance of mutual happiness. Not your happiness at the expense of your wife.

Anywho ... I hope you enjoy the link if you have the time & inclination.

Pep

Great advice Pepperband.
I truly hope TH takes the time to look it over.

Debi

Post deleted by TroubledH

>We are debating as to weather she should call herself MrsTroubledH.

I'd rather she found something far more HOPEFUL...or shorten it to MrsTH...

MrsBubs has a nice ring to it, too. ;-)

Tell her I hope to "see" her soon! Point out which of us is me, will ya...that way she can put a voice to the words...

- Kimmy

Post deleted by TroubledH

Oh puleeze <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> So now you are going to turn into a drama queen and make an exit? TH, you have to take your lumps along with the good of this board. The mods are volunteers and do an awesome job IMHO.

Justuss was not doing anything other than letting you and angels know that you need to start your OWN thread rather than muck up the thread of a hurting WW.

Hope you grown some and come back WITH your BW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> someone thinks the rules don't apply to him !!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

this "my way or the highway" mentality is not very promising for his marriage recovery , I'm sorry to say <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I noticed TH was reading here recently ... I hope you call the Harleys, Mr Troubled ... you need some marriage tools in order to progress to the prize of a mutually happy marriage

take care

Pep

TroubledH~~

Sorry to see that you've deleted your posts. Some of what has been conversed here may have been of some help to other couples going through what you're going through, in some way, shape or form.

Hope you'll come back and let us know how things are coming along.....whichever way they go.

Take care,

CalifWoman

So the my way or the highway mentality continues... not suprising, he lives it everyday. I'm betting his wife gives into it more than she'd like. He is still to deep in the fog to truly grasp much of what is being said to him here.

Oh yeah, why does he have such a low opinion of his wife for being a SAHM? Why do men when involved in an A suddenly take on that mentality, she's just sitting on her a$$ spending MY money. (It's gotta be the OW whispering crap in his ear. She probably works and is jealous as ******.) Would you rather have someone else raising your children? I'd love to have more time with mine, I hate that it is so necessary for me to leave them with someone else during the day. You should be happy that she is doing that for them.