This marks the beginning of the beginning for saving my family, my WW, and myself. I'm committed to doing it with God in control. I am taking a stand for my marriage, for the truth, and for myself, and I am committed to seeing this through for the sake of my 2-year-old daughter and an unbroken family. Here's my story:

I found out about two weeks ago that my WW had been having a EA/PA with the OM she met about a month ago. She has been alone for most of the last year due to my role as a company commander preparing for and deploying to Iraq. I have been trying to keep in touch with her as much as I can, calling about once a day. She's been trying to keep busy with her career and her pursuit of her dream of becoming a singer and songwriter, which I've financially supported, but not been enthusiastically behind her on. She is displaying a lot of the apathy about our marriage covenant, about what she is teaching our daughter, about how she may be hurting me, and about the fact that I cannot do anything about her actions while in Iraq. She chose to admit her actions to me, but she is still covering it up and I believe she spent last night with the OM. I have already discussed neglect for our DD and am trying to reiterate the need to protect her throughout this process. She seems disconnected.

So far I've spent a lot of my time trying to figure out what my WW is spending hers on, calling her consistently, praying and seeking God, trying to find out who the OM is and what he does, formulating a plan as best I know how, sending notes and gifts to demonstrate my love for her, and reiterating her responsibility for the choices she is making for us. She said that she wanted to begin working full time to support herself and I called her on it and told her she should begin paying for the cell phone she's been using the crap out of to talk to the OM and gossip with a friend of hers in Kansas. I'm contemplating closing the joint credit card and letting her choose how to spend her money, while still transferring enough to take care of the DD and keep the house they're still both in.

I'm headed home for leave in July and I want to set the conditions now and make sure that do whatever I can now to hasten the end of this relationship. I have determined the identity of the OM, I have a phone number for him and another for his business partner (love the internet). He is supposedly divorced with custody of his two children and a self-employed contractor who sets his own hours... Need some help with the next steps to take. I don't want a divorce and I don't want to succumb to the 358% increases in divorce amongst Army officers in the last 5 years...

Thanks in advance for your responses...