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I'm Hungry. I think that cinnamon sugar toast is almost ready. Neak?


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Just a quick google search away:

Quote:


WHAT IS THE LEGAL DEFINITION OF ABUSE?
.
Chapter 209A, the Massachusetts Abuse Prevention Act, defines abuse as :
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actual physical abuse, or
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an attempt to harm another, or
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placing another in fear of serious physical harm, or
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causing another to engage in sexual relations by force, threat of force or duress




That's it.

Sbmmal is NOT an abuser. NO examples anywhere near the above have been given.

He's a devastated and confused betrayed husband currently on military assignemt in BAHGDAD, IRAQ. He REALLY needs to focus on getting sleep, exercise and KEEPING HIS (and his unit's) COLLECTIVE BUTTS ALIVE.

W


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Quote:

NOW HEAR THIS:






Psychological and Economic Abuse:
____ Yelling, swearing, being lewd, raising your voice, using angry expressions or gestures

This does not look good, folksesesesesess


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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The oven is set to broil, lol.

So SB, what can we talk about today? Do you have any last-minute thoughts, worries, etc., as you get ready to come stateside?

I think staying with your parents is good. How far from there to get a visit with your DD?


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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I think it's time we all started cooking!

My favorite recipe at the moment:

"Drunk Chicken"

Take one plump hen, remove her innards.

If desired, you can make a dry rub with pepper, CINNAMON, and brown SUGAR. Rub it all over the hen, both inside and outside.

Open a can of your favorite beer. Take a swig if you like beer.

Holding the chicken right side up, shove the opened end of the beer can right up her @$$.

Set the hen in an upright position on the grill (you don't want the beer to spill!), and cook over medium hot coals until hen is done and her leg practically comes off when you pull it. She should be well-browned and juicy.

Enjoy!


"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"

BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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CS... you come on here as some expert about HIV... where are you getting your information???? Because I will tell you that it is about as far off as possible.

According to Johns Hopkins University... perhaps you heard of that institution... the average "incubation" period from the time someone is infected with HIV and they develop AIDS symptoms is 10 years. This is an incubation period for symptoms... not the ability to be tested. That time frame is as follows...

HIV
The window period for HIV is usually 2 weeks to 3 months, but could be up to 6 months.


Most will test positive within weeks if they have been exposed to the virus. Some will take up to 6 months but this is exceptionally rare.
In addition, you come on here and seemingly post no where else but this thread... what is your fascination with this man??? What brought you to MB... you said you were on the site before but did not realize there was a forum here... I think that is a lie.

You obviously have an agenda to tear people down. Perhaps that is why you are here??? I would suggest... not that you are open to suggestion from the tone of your posts... that you tone down your "act" and let on what you are doing on an infidelity recovery site. Get tired of abusing your husband??? Decided it was time to take out your frustration on another man?

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ALL,

Holy catfight, batman! Please, stop this nonsense. I'm done with CS and her line of questioning in a public forum, and this juvenile back and forth is really distracting to the purpose of this thread. Not to be controlling or abusive or anything, but please stop responding to CS!

NSYN,

Thank you for asking. I am really looking forward to leave. I think it'll be great to get back to Colorado. I miss it so much and WW and I had always talked about going back there as soon as my time in the Army was up. I may do a little house hunting while I'm back there. Hard to say since now I'm torn because I want a solid relationship with my DD, but if she's in WA, that'll suck for me to be anywhere else. Praying for God's will here...

While I'm home, I'm definitely going back to my church of origin. It's where WW and I really began our relationship over 9 years ago and where I was the most on fire for God. I was baptized there while in college at the Colorado School of Mines and my parents came, which was pretty cool, especially having my Mom there to experience a different kind of church. The church is called The Next Level Church and it is really focused on being relevant with it's messages while delivering solid biblical truth. I've included a link for anyone who's interested in finding out more.

Other good news to report. I'm looking at a great job opportunity at the Washington Department of Ecology when I return that could turn into my own small business on the side... I'm almost guaranteed to continue making at least what I make now, which ain't too shabby for a state position and it'll allow me to spend more time at home. My current civilian employment is in Seattle and I have to ride the train an hour each way, so days are 13-14 hours long and exhausiting. Bottom-line: This too shall pass and I will be fine with or without her.

I filed some paperwork with my lawyer tonight. Financial declarations and my exhibits on proposed division of property. Requested that she get the house, with the $80k in equity we built , and the mortgage loan. Also requested she pay for my counsel and all legal fees related to the dissolution. I don't want to participate in something I don't believe in. Before this begins another heated debate, here's what I'm thinking on this and where I'm stepping out in faith and believing for a miracle in the situation with complete peace:

You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. Matthew 5:38-42

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on Earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourself treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21

Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?"
"Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments."
"Which ones?" the man inquired.
Jesus replied, "'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not lie, honor your father and mother,' and 'love your neighbor as yourself'"
"All these I have kept," the young man said. "What do I still lack?"
Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again, I tell you it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, "Who then can be saved?"
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
Matthew 19:16-26

I'm believing for God to make the impossible (shoving my camel through the eye of a needle) possible in my life. Just kidding about the camel. I don't have a camel here in Iraq - I do have a HMMWV though and I'll bet'ya God could make that fit if He wanted to...

Feeling peace about pulling away from my wife and the chaos of the situation she's put us in. Thankful for the Federal Law that protects me from getting strung out while deployed. I'm not quite sure, but I think that my PBL may be in order based on some reading materials Mr. W gave me and the type of A my wife is in. Thanks for the insights and information... I'd love to hear some feedback on that! Either way, I'm looking forward to a relaxing couple of weeks that are well-deserved if I do say so myself.

I'll be in touch when I get to the homeland!

God bless you all. Even and especially you CS, WW, DD, and OM.

All I am and will become in Him,
sbmmal

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Quote:

please stop responding to CS!




Excellent decision and advice, SB. Invisible. Inaudible. Inlimbo. OK, I made that one up...but it works.

t&l

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I'm a spouse of a retired Army guy. I've found that the family support groups can put a lot of pressure on people. I've never really been a huge advocate of the family support groups because most that I've become involved with just seem to be a gossip party-although I've seen a couple of great ones. If you can withstand the pressure that gossip tends to cause-this is a really good way to expose her. Although no one from the support group may put direct pressure on her as far as the affair, the gossip will eventually get back to her and also the opinions of other people. Maybe if she gets enough negative feedback about what she's doing to you and your daughter from someone other than you, it could possibly open her eyes and help lift the fog? I know the statistics are challenging with the military lifestyle and I know how difficult it is to maintain a relationship during deployments, but it can be done-but takes both parties involved to make it work. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and during his career, he wasn't home very often. I can tell you from first hand experience that this affair probably started from her emotional needs not being met. It does get lonely. It's not your fault though-kind of hard to support her emotional needs from a distance. But you also have to realize that she made a decision when she married you to live the Army life and sometimes I really don't think spouses realize what type of lifestyle they are dedicating themselves to in this situation. I know it's also hard to get your chain of command to work with you as far as taking leave when you're deployed too. But go to your BN Commander and talk to him/her. You never know-you may strike a personal chord with them and they may try to work with you. Another thing you should be aware of(don't know how much your wife knows about the Army), but if you start causing a ruckus with the OM, she can also result to manipulating you through your chain of command(whether or not anything she tells them is truthful and honest, she can still make your career miserable for a while). So, cover all of your bases, make sure that your chain of command knows what is going on. I know it can be embarrassing, but which is more important-your pride or your marriage? I've seen way more of this kind of stuff during my husband's career than I have ever wanted and I truly hope that you guys can come up with a way to get your marriage back on track. I'll be praying for you. And thanks for your service to our country. It's appreciated more than you'll ever know.

4rabbits

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So, cover all of your bases, make sure that your chain of command knows what is going on.

VERY sound advice !

Pep

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Quote:

ALL,

Holy catfight, batman! Please, stop this nonsense. I'm done with CS and her line of questioning in a public forum, and this juvenile back and forth is really distracting to the purpose of this thread. Not to be controlling or abusive or anything, but please stop responding to CS!




sorry for the distraction, sbmml! It was just too tempting for my ornery soul. Take care, my friend, and God Bless.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Hey, SB!

Little bit of a threadjack here ... I used to go to TNL when I lived in Denver -- Loved it! That was quite a few years ago, when Trevor was the pastor, and they didn't have their own building, so they were meeting in a couple of other churches on Tuesday nights, only (no Sundays back then).

I've missed it, it was definitely a great experience. Hope you get to make it back there while you're home!

-AmI


WH's A: 1/18/06 - ???? D-Days: 3/28, 4/14 (false recovery), 9/5 8/11 -- WH announces that he doesn't love me anymore. 9/5, confirmed A was renewed, PBL & re-exposure which gets him investigated. He refuses to move out and gets blatant with the A. 10/15, “Plan F-U”. Yuck. But it did start some talking. C w/OW continued until ....? MC with SH 11/24, WH says he loves me. Making progress. My own and with us.
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I am glad that you were able to put the emotions on the backburner & think about your life and yourself .

My advice would be this:

-Document everything : Child and spousal support payments, visits with your daughter (keep a visitation log), and anything else you can think of which if twisted / misconstrued / misrepresented could serve as legal weaponry against you.

-Seek professional help outside of Church for controlling / abusive behavior. If you don't, you may select the same type of woman and set up the same type of situation for the next round -or worse-repeat the cycle all over again. Things like this do not happen by accident.


Good luck to you and your troops. Stay safe.

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Sbmmal,
Are you around ever - did you make it home? How are things???

MSA


BW 43 me
FWH 39
M 1992; DD 18. 13
OC 8-05 - no contact
In recovery 8 years
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MSA,

I am still around - thanks for thinking of me... I'm sitting in the DFW airport right now on my way back to the sandbox for three more months. Leave was pretty awesome, and some progress was made on delaying the divorce and reminding WW of who I am becoming. I am pretty sure I am making a great impression, but I know there is still a long road ahead and that the battle will continue to rage in Iraq and at home. I'm still working the Plan A and trying to build my relationship with my daughter.

In the meantime WW's best friend has begun an EA/PA on her husband (again) and my uncle is in an online affair with one of his old flames. Both marriages are in shock and things are not looking good from the temporal perspective. Spirit of division attacking??? I'm trying to focus both on understanding MB principles, having faith in the unseen, and working to save their marriages... There are some big opportunities to help slay the beast of infidelity in other marriages and reap the rewards in my own.

I got to see my DD once and spent about 6.5 hours with her in Garden City. It was awesome - she is so amazing and beautiful, and smart... Then came the end when I lost it and WW then lost it. I haven't talked to her since this happened on Sunday. I think she went back to OM when she returned home to WA, as she wasn't home or picking up last night. I'm trying to figure out the best strategy for continued plan A. I'm going to take it a little easier and focus it around DD and light conversation with WW.

I learned a lot about where her head is during the visit on Sunday and it is amazing to see the Holy Spirit working to take us both in similar directions independently, despite WW's actions in open defiance of God. I am hesitant to continue exposure, but I think it may be better done now than later, as I want to do what I can to befriend her before coming home. I still believe that we can have a great marriage going forward and I think that reconciliation is the best solution for our family.

Keep us in your prayers, along with all the newly betrayed and betraying spouses in my circle...

All I am and will become in him,
sbmmal

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sbmmal,

As you know my sitch, I havent had much time to get deep into yours. I am familiarizing now.

I do have a OT question: what type of unit do you command? I am a former infantry first sergeant. I was also an inspector general (I know COs loved us!!).

Anyway, just trying to get caught up on your SITREP.


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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Welcome back to MB, SB.

Good to hear from you, and glad your visit went well.

I am sorry to hear about those in your circle having chosen the vicious temptation of infidelity, but you are in a position to do more to help than the average family member or friend.

I also think your idea of continuing Plan A while gone is a good one. If contact with her gets too painful you can always pull back a bit for your sanity, but still maintain contact with your adorable, witty, charming daughter.

Prayers being sent for your new BS's and WS's.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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MM (or as I'll affectionately call you - Top),

You are a welcome addition to my thread - thanks for everything you've contributed to MB - I have read and re-read husbands and wives about 5 times and it is right on. I am aware of your situation and I have prayed in faith for a favorable outcome. How is the new custody arrangement working out for you and your children?

Okay, so before I tell you what type of officer I am, let me say I spent 4 years on active duty in Korea and Fort Lewis (mostly as battalion and brigade staff) with Artillery, Infantry and Cavalry units, which was awesome. Now I'm in the NG, which is a nice way of saying the Army's temp agency. I am a Chemical Officer - I can hear you saying it now 'cause I heard it from all combat arms... NBC - NoBody Cares! And since NBC and we couldn't figure out how to find the WMD here, the Army saw fit to turn my Chemical Company into an in-lieu-of Military Police unit. See what I mean about temps!!!

The thread is long since it got jacked a couple of times along the way to rehash and rehash some more the issues of controlling behavior. Let me know if I've missed anything from your perspective.

Thanks.

All I am and will become in Him,
sbmmal

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NSYN,

You seem to be having a bit of an identity crisis here on MB these days... Everything okay not_so_you_neak, SoylentNeak, and Neak? I still like NSYN so I'm gonna continue to use that 'cause it reminds me of God's grace for a world full of sinners. Nevertheless, I do agree that you are unique, so I like the truncated version! Unfortunate that our situations are not_so_you_neak these days. MB has gotten a lot busier it seems to me.

I got some good advice from my friends on the decision to continue Plan A. Sunday was very difficult for me and really threw me for a loop emotionally. Now that I'm gaining perspective on it, I am drawing strength from that hellish pain I felt after the first trial "visitation" and using that to do whatever is required to prevent that preview from becoming reality.

WW is still not home, although her flight back to WA was yesterday - where could she be, I wonder? Duh - It's not over. I'm really considering calling MIL and asking her where my DD is and why I can't reach her... I talked to a friend of mine back in WA and he's still helping behind the scenes with prayer and accountability. Gave me some good advice and reassurance which was helpful.

It will be easy to maintain Plan A for the next few months and you are right about when it hurts too much pull back.

Thanks.

All I am and will become in Him,
sbmmal

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Quote:

MM (or as I'll affectionately call you - Top),




Havent been called Top in over two years. I miss it!! I used to love getting a new CO and we would sit down over coffee. And the CO would explain his philosophy, which way he wanted to take the company. And after he did, I chime in with "Sounds good, sir. But I just wanted to make two things very clear. The first is I expect my NCOs to do NCO business and officers to do officer business. Let's all stick to our jobs.

The second thing is that this company is like NASCAR. You are the driver, I am the crew chief. You get to be out front, get all of the accolades. You get to turn this car (company) any way you want, make it go as fast or slow as you want. The Army gave you the keys. But at the end of the day...it is MY car (company)." Lol!

Anyway...hope you guys are staying safe and Charlie Miking!

Quote:

You are a welcome addition to my thread - thanks for everything you've contributed to MB - I have read and re-read husbands and wives about 5 times and it is right on. I am aware of your situation and I have prayed in faith for a favorable outcome.




I have appreciated that!!

Quote:

How is the new custody arrangement working out for you and your children?




Gonna update that tonight. For the most part...it is good. But had a crazy incident two nights ago. What a bizarre woman!

Quote:

Okay, so before I tell you what type of officer I am, let me say I spent 4 years on active duty in Korea and Fort Lewis (mostly as battalion and brigade staff) with Artillery, Infantry and Cavalry units, which was awesome. Now I'm in the NG, which is a nice way of saying the Army's temp agency. I am a Chemical Officer - I can hear you saying it now 'cause I heard it from all combat arms... NBC - NoBody Cares! And since NBC and we couldn't figure out how to find the WMD here, the Army saw fit to turn my Chemical Company into an in-lieu-of Military Police unit. See what I mean about temps!!!




Dont I know. My last two assignments were with the 29th Light Infantry division as an IG and then as a first sergeant. That is a NG division. We got deployed to Bosnia for 9/11. Then sent to Afghanistan a year after we got back. And now my old company is headed to Iraq early next year. And these are Guardsmen! Three deployments in 5 years!

But as a sergeant major once told me: "The Active Duty has never won a war, and the Guard has never lost one." 65% of the Army's combat power is in the Guard! So, if this is a war (which it is), there aint no way to fight it without the Guard. The Guard major general that took us to Bosnia was asked by some reporters before we left:

"General, you guys only train one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer (yeah right!!). The 82nd Airborne trains everyday. How do you expect to be as good as the 82nd and accomplish this mission?"

He replied "Ma'am, you're right. I'm not as good as the 82nd Airborne. But guess what? I'm better than the Bosnians! As a matter of fact, my National Guard division is better than 80% of the world's active duty forces. And oh...by the way...I dont have to face the 82nd. Their on my side!"

Quote:

The thread is long since it got jacked a couple of times along the way to rehash and rehash some more the issues of controlling behavior. Let me know if I've missed anything from your perspective.




I saw that. A lot of smoke (dont you chem guys put a lot of fog and smoke out there for us??? lol).

Anyway, checking out your sitch. And see if I can pick up rear security!


Standing in His Presence

FBS (me) (48)
FWW (41)
Married April 1993...
4 kids (19(B), 17(G), 14(B), 4(B))
Blessed by God more than I deserve
"If Jesus is your co-pilot...you need to change seats!"

Link: The Roles of Husbands and Wives
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