Just touching on a point that Hiker brought up in his thread - I'm just wondering how many of us here would rate our M at the moment. Hence my first simple poll <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

How would you rate your M? single choice
	1 - separated/divorced, no reconciliation on the horizon
	2 - separated/divorced, reconciliation possible
	3 - undecided, major issues being faced
	4 - recovering, some issues still to be sorted out
	5 - happily married
Votes accepted starting: 06/22/06 02:09 PM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

Well, I can't vote because there's no "over and done with and I'm now glad of it" choice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT

Uh, that would then be option 1 for you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

Well, I thought about that one, but it implies to me that attempt at reconciliation is still desired, if not on the horizon.

WAT

Sorry to say but I am 3.

Sucks that it has been almost 3 years now.

All of the Major Issues that are being faced should have been addressed long ago.

Now I don't know if I have the intestinal fortitude to face them now.

Pep #5

but i wanted to say

we have ISSUES everydayumday

but NONE of them are A-related

just regular
run of the mill
stuff

Pep

A suggestion: ask your FWW the same question about your M. How does she rate it? If the rating's the same, perhaps you can discuss how to improve it.

I asked my FWW and she gave us a 6 (my scale at that time was 1-10, LOL). I asked her how this could be significantly improved, and her response was for me to trust her more. I know that will come with time, so it looks like things are looking up for us.

You need to add one in between recovering and happily married called:

"Comfortable on my pee stained couch"

via NOODLE,....thankya, thankya vrr much.

kirk

Three here, but a nuking is looking better and better.

The poll is a great idea and the results are encouraging so far.

MIM,

Thanks but I will tell you I know the answer.

For me to get over it. LOL.

Great distinction Pepperband.

Sometimes I feel discouraged that I have permenantly polluted my M....and all of the everyday issues we deal with are still tainted by the pain.

I see some BSs on the board still hurting so much--years later...it is discouraging.

Did you feel a turning point? Was it simply time (along with FWH work)? How long?

Then talk to her about how you think this can be achieved.

A-good-human

Did I feel a turning point? Not one, not really.

time & hard work & consistency

My H was involved with AA immediately after D-day AT MY REQUEST

LOL

>ahem ... I said I would walk if he did not go to AA<

and early recovery I was [color:"green"]jealous of his new friendships in AA [/color]

but

here is what works

care & protection
day after day after day

I became his latest hobby ... as in "What can I do for you today Pep?"

... and I would give him a task
sometimes simple

sometimes REALLY REALLY difficult

and he did it
mostly without complaint

truth be told

I was a slobbering mess back then ... not unlike these newbie BS you read about here

so

care & protection
cycle & repeat

PLUS

we had tons of sex

all sorts of sex

ANGRY <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> sex
goofy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> sex
funny <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> sex
blind <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> sex
weepy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> sex

and Mimi's favorite :cowgirl: sex

Pep

6"

Bwa-ha-ha!

day after day...like anything worth the while I guess. The good stuff is the long haul stuff....no magic pill.

Though, I was reading the other day that oxytocin has been shown to develop trust in people (study demonstrated people who sniffed it were more likely to invest in risky investment scheme)...I got to thinking maybe I could....nah...the easy way out has always been the wrong way for me.

thx for input.

I <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> thought you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> were a kindred <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> spirited gurl <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> AHuman

LOL

MIM,

"Then talk to her about how you think this can be achieved."

For me to never talk about it or mention it or any feelings I have because of it.

If I have a hard day because of a trigger I should stay away until I feel better.

Sweep it under the rug.

I couldn't decide between option 4 and option 5....but I picked option 5...the more we have all kinds of sex..the more happy we are... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We did and still do ALL OF THE ABOVE.. with cowboy boots and whatever else... !! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sad to say, I'm a three.

Starting to interview D lawyers...guess we need to do something about it before our misery catches up with the kiddies.

I really see no hope, but we haven't separated yet, so maybe we're a 2.5.