I use to lurk here about a year ago and by reading it helped me a lot as well as my marriage. I just had to pose this question. H has a daughter that is about 3 months old. We have NC and plan to keep it that way. H's family have chosen NC as well thank goodness. xOW tried to cause problems but its hard when the only way she can get in contact with us is through our lawyer. She knows where H works and thankfully the receptionist knows OW's voice and will not put her through (OW used to work with H). She finally gave up trying to contact him by phone at work a long time ago.

She sent him one nasty letter to his work yesterday. In it she rages how H is screwing his daughter out of a lifestyle that he should provide her. She goes on and on about money. Nothing about being pissed about us being NC.

After reading this letter the first thing that came to my mind is that OW viewed this child as a meal ticket. She must have gotten pregnant on purpose. I am absolutely convinced of this now and so is H. She really thought she would be on easy street if she had H's child. Here is the kicker though. H is not wealthy. It's his parents who are wealthy. H only had to pay about $400 a month in CS and 50% of daycare and unreinbursed medical. H is in a job he loves but the pay is low. H has always sworn that he never discussed anything about our life together or his family with OW. I was always skeptical of that. I was not fully convinced their relationship was based on sex. I believe it now.

H's dad is very well known so I guess she assumed that because his dad was wealthy then H was as well and would be paying a crap load of child support. H parents do not believe in supporting full grown adults and we get no fiancial help from them. They treat us to 2 really nice vacations per year but that is it ( and we are very greatful).

So has anyone else had to deal with an OW who got pregnant on purpose?

Yes of course.

But mainly to hold onto the MM and of course since she was a ghetto homeless queen the money was prob a big factor.

I think my OW got pregnant on purpose, but it backfired....it wasn't my H's...but it could be someone elses....I believe she and her H were looking for a meal ticket.

Until laws are changed...they should stop calling it child support and call it what it really is....Adult support.

No proof here, but I always wondered .....

Idea kind of bounced around when I found OW roomate was also prego and didnt know who the F was of her child.

No Proof but yes OW did get P on purpose 2 times. 1st times she stated she was on the pill. 2nd time she said she was on the patch but after the 2nd one, she told H is your W going to leave you YET!!! Not that Dont blame him as much for not using protection, but come on how stupid can you be. If he did not want to be with you after one what in GODS name would make you have another. Some OW are just DUMBASSES.

YEs.

I have the words she told the Wookie on tape declaring it's so.

Gotta love tape recorders.

- Kimmy

Of course it is on purpose. How many forms of birth control are there? What woman who DOESN'T want a pregancy runs around unprotected? All they care about is the money. If they have a man who has contact, they hate it with a passion. They don't want the child around the wife. It drives THEM crazy. Those that don't have contact rail about how unfair, etc. it is to the oc. TO BAD SO SAD FOR OC. Had she wanted a daddy in the childs life she wouldn't be getting knocked up by a man who doesn't want either of them. They remind me of the pathetic high school girl who believes any guy who trying to get sex, tells her he loves her and then walks away after the deed is done. They equate sex with love. Sick as they are.

Yes, they get pregnant on purpose.

It is just sicking

It's sickening...and sad...can you imagine their existence?...Whewwww!

ICKY. ICKY. ICKY. Pathetic it is.

I suspect but only XOW and God know for sure.
J

my xh's ow used getting pregnant as a way to MAKE ME GET A DIVORCE...and get him off the fence...and she pushed a legal ultimatum at him.

her? a NO TALENT NO EDUCATION WALKIN' THE BLOCK FORMER "so called" model (maxxim magazine) with an outta wedlock son and no career to fall back on (they don't want any more models with stretch marks in maxxim apparently)so she targets attractive TAKEN men with money...the first guy wasn't as stupid as my xh was..he DIDN'T MARRY HER.

she is a piece of work...and a piece of easy trash and [censored]. he's left her twice already. he tried 2 come back 2 me but I kicked his sorry self to the curb last summer..lame...lame...lame...

I too believe that a LOT of these "women" get pregnant on purpose, it's so 50s.

When they are in the affair with the mm everything is just fine. When they are dumped, then the man becomes this evil human being. He was/is the same person. They were just too stupid to look at the "real" man. They were in the fantasy world.

In my case, my stupid husband tried to pay her behind my back. The first thing she said was "I don't know how much you make?

Then she said "oh you haven't told your wife." And then called me.

We have nc. In a few of her letters, she begged him to see the baby. Then she said "it wasn't about the money, that the baby needed his father."

Well the baby doesn't have his father, but the OW was awarded $900 a month for cs.

I think a lot of this has to do with bad parenting. I was reading where one OW was so upset, she was talking to her mom. Her mom told her that she got the better deal, she got the kid and the wife got stuck with the stupid husband.

Okay but WHAT kind of mother is this??
The first thing I would have told my daughter is stay away from married men. And if she was DUMB enough to get pregnant by him, I would be embarrassed. I would let her know that SHE is not a victim. That she was not forced to have sex. She KNEW he was married.
Now SHE has to deal with the consequences.

P.S.
I love all you wives...Cordelia, Lynn G, you guys are awesome. It's wonderful to hear from strong women.
Not ones whimpering about the problem but standing up and facing the situation.

And I'd also like to say it IS Adult Support.
I was in court and there was this woman trying to get MORE cs with her Gucci purse.

What these OW don't know is, just like the husbands pay spiritual and financially. They also will pay.

Two people did this and both are EQUALLY to blame.

It bothers me. When these women are screwing the mm, they have no morals. They feel invicible. Nothing and nobody matters but THEM. When they are dumped, they become these innocent, helpless female victims and the BIG BAD MARRIED MAN took advantage of them.

Somewhere down the road, these other "women" will get what they deserve, whether you believe in karma or you reap what you SOW.

Sorry this was so long.

Well, the OW in my situation claimed to have gotten pregnant, then had it aborted (due to an ectopic pregnancy), then when no money was forthcoming (she claimed that my husband owed her half of the abortion costs), then suddenly the abortion was never performed and the fetus had been moved into her uterus. ......all to the tune of $10,000.

Did you manage to catch any of that????? LOL

Seriously though....a co-worker overheard the OW talking to her husband on her cellphone, stating that this time they would have to "eat the money". I guess she invests a little money into the affair, such as paying for gifts, a hotel room, etc, in order to get pregnant, thus living off of CS for the next 18 years. Her oldest just turned 18, so we're assuming that she needed a "replacement". She doesn't work (as far as we know) and probably just lives off of welfare and CS.

And no...she never produced a child from my husband, even though she tried to convince us of the baby's existence for over a year after the fact. Some people never give up. LOL

How does a 44 year old women, supposedly on BC, get pregnant? The odds are millions to one AGAINST that happening. Unless you are lying about the BC!? What a concept. OW lying? OM lying? No! My H was so foolish to not use protection anyway. Despite what she said. How about protecting yourself and spouse from disease?

If a man is not willing to leave his wife and family, what better way to "level" the playing field and force try to force it? At least in their minds. Oldest game in the world.

Interesting responses. I hate the OW as much as any of you, but our H's are the ones w/responsibilities. Why would a grown man leave it up to the OW to provide birth control?? That requires responsibility and accountability and any woman who sleeps w/a MM has neither. H's OW got preggars twice by lying about being on the pill. Maybe one pregnancy could be excused...H made a big mistake. But 2 pgs?

Whitegirl, my H did the same thing as yours and it isn't the OW who looks like the idiot.

Yes, they get preggars on purpose. That doesn't make our Hs any less responsible for the mess.

No one said it did. That wasn't the question posed.

I would like to reply to Starving.
Starving, no one said that it was all the husband's fault.

It's just that imo women have always been the smarter sex.
So to see that sisterhood is no longer, to see seemingly intelligent women doing some of the weakest, dumbest things is what makes us or ME dwell on the OW.

Yes the husbands played a big part. But it takes two.

We've always known that men think with their little head. But women used to have morals, used to have a sisterhood.

At one time, it would have been embarrasing to date a mm and to get pregnant....... oh my goodness.

Now these "women" are proud to have had an affair with a mm and bore a child from that. That's what makes me dwell on it.

If you read most posts, all blame is on the man.

I just get tired of reading about what the man did.....that's all....I get tired of reading about the poor weak victims that were hurt by their husbands, by their mm, etc.

MEN ONLY DO TO YOU WHAT YOU ALLOW THEM TO DO!

It only takes ONE sex to say no.

Look at Denise Richardson, Julie Roberts, Britney Spears.
These are our so called "role" models.

Also, sometimes it's not about hate, it's about disbelief and disgust. If you read my posts, I don't hate her. I pity her. At one time I did hate her.

The OW was looking for love. She saw a businessman she "thought" was wealthy. She saw the white picket fence, and the happily ever after. She thought getting pregnant would keep him, even though this was the 2nd time she'd gotten pregnant to keep a man and it didn't work.

Oh well maybe the third time will be a charm and when she gets pregnant the man will want her and her child.

The OW in my case got pregnant at the ripe old age of 39.
Not a young woman. I can understand a young lady in her 20s dating a married man because well she's young,and doesn't know any better but when you're approaching 40 and you get pregnant by a mm on purpose, it's different.
Me thinks you're a little warped in the head.

In response to the husbands had/have responsibilities, yes they do. But again, as we are all adults, we are all responsible for OUR own actions.

We as HUMAN beings ALL have responsibilities.

The adulterers are NOT victims neither of them.


We need to make EVERYONE equally accountable.

That is the way to make things change.
As long as mistakes are placed on ONE side and not on BOTH sides, things cannot change.

And I think ANY woman or man who does not use protection in this day and age is an I D I O T including my stupid husband.

I have watched my husband pay a spiritual price for his affair and I do not feel sorry for him. He is reaping what he sowed.

And a woman who gets pregnant by a mm TWO times is a SUPER IDIOT!

So yes the OW in your case was an idiot.
She thought the 2nd time she got pregnant, she would win.
If you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.

LBelle and Sav.,

I didn't mean to offend anyone. You are both right. In my case, the secong pg was it for me. I couldn't continue in that kind of marriage. I didn't feel my H was taking responsibility for his part in the demise of our marriage. He said OW was a sexual predator and came after him, etc. When OW announced her 2nd pg, that told me enough about his ability to claim ownership for his actions. He asked me several times to reconcile and I said no thanks. He is now marrying OW and has referred to it as a business decision, so I guess she did "win".

So yes, I think the OW is pathetic and sickening. Even more pathetic is that society is accepting of this behavior.

Good luck to all of you and I apologize if my words were offensive. The folks here have helped me a ton. I am happy for you that your Hs were able to step up and work on themselves and your marriages.

Starving,
No offense taken! I am so sorry for 2 OC's for you! You are right to "let her win". I couldn't take it either........no way. I can barely take it this time. I hope you find happiness for yourself in a new life without all of this junk. Good luck to you!

Starving

I did not and could not let OW win in my situation. H does admit that he is a total F---up and that is one step, but now fortuantely he can NOT stand her. She is a young petty little ******. We do not get to see the oc's because he is not willing to give into her anymore and she cant stand taht so unfortunetly the girls dont really know waht great of a step-mom they have. The oldes OC is 2 she knows who H is and youngest wont even let H pick her up and OW thinks that is just sooo funny. Well I say shame on her. Shame on him as well. When she got pg with 1st one H was willing to give her monoey to get a abortion (even though he really doesnt beleive in it he thought it would be best for him, her and the baby to just not have it, but she was set on having it.)

You are right it does take 2 to tango. But it is just sad to try to make a man be a father against his will or knowledge.

It just pisses me off that these OW lie and say they are on the pill or on the patch (whihc she said she was on the 2nd time and he swore he seen some kind of patch on her thigh or arm) and they are not. Not Saying at all that a man shoudl not be resonsible becasue they should have worn protections, but for gods sake I think you should give man a opportunity to decide on whether he wants to be a father, and yes i think H is a big [censored] fool for letting in happen twice, but know I can NOT THINK about that, I have to think about trying to make my marriage right. He LOVES AND WANTS TO BE WITH ME NOT HER, so we are trying to work this out.

I agree with what someone said about in a way I feel sorry for her [censored], but MOST OFF ALL, I feel sorry for the children. THey did not get asked to be brought into this world, but know they are here and they need love just like any other child.

All I can say is you did what is best for you, and I am tryin to do what feels right to me.